TOOOAST!!!

2003 Called, and it Wants Canada Back

2012-05-12T17:56:00.000-05:00

Hereforth, a link from the Canadian Trade-marks Database. (Yes, that's what it's called. Like this is a New York Times from 1911.)

http://www.ic.gc.ca/app/opic-cipo/trdmrks/srch/vwTrdmrk.do?lang=eng&status=&fileNumber=1568062&extension=0&startingDocumentIndexOnPage=1

The Toronto Maple Leafs have already trademarked a logo for their centennial season, which is not until 2017. And it includes a phrase, "______ Nation," that had already been beaten into the ground by Red Sox fans by the time their team won its first World Series in 87 years 10 years ago, and now appears nothing short of comical on the t-shirts handed out at Clippers games. (Really? "Clippers Nation"? That must mean EVERYONE has a "Nation" at this point.*)

*I would occasionally hear of such a thing as "Raiders Nation" in the '80s and early '90s, which made sense because the Raiders were itinerant; "Raiders Nation" indicated that there were Raiders fans in both the Los Angeles and Bay Area markets, so being a Raiders fan didn't necessarily tie you to support of another pro sports team, like the Giants or Dodgers. "Red Sox Nation" failed on that account, even though the Red Sox draw support from fans in six states; only collegiate rooting interests are disparate within "Red Sox Nation," and college sports aren't terribly relevant in New England. The term is also used to refer to the diaspora of Northeasterners (and Rust Belt natives) across the southern and western United States, but this doesn't differentiate Red Sox fans from Yankees, Mets, Phillies, Pirates, Orioles, Indians, or Tigers fans. So I say it's a load of bunk.

Aside from its use of a phrase that's already well past its expiration date -- and it ought to be downright hoary by 2017 -- thus further affirming that Canada is a solid decade behind the United States in pop-cultural terms, its display of a Canadian flag and a Maple Leafs flag as being somehow analogous has gotta strike the two thirds of Canadians who live more than 100 miles away from Toronto as rather odious.* As laughable as the legislative antics of Quebec separatists usually are, if I'd had the ill fortune to have been born Quebecois, stuff like this would really chap my ass. That's supposed to be my flag too, isn't it?

No, the one on the right. That one.

*Seriously, though, I kind of understand this heavy-handedness considering how concentrated the population of an entire country is around one city.

So, anyway: Got a problem with this new "Leafs Nation" campaign? First, you apparently hate Canada despite being Canadian.* But here is whom to contact:

*Do you think this insult is levied by the right against the left in Canada like it is in the United States? Me neither.

Two things that, by 2017, the Maple Leafs will hopefully have become. But don't hold your breath.

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Only the Stanley Cup Playoffs can sober us enough to post something

2012-04-11T16:41:00.012-05:00

We're not running a picks pool here anymore due to lack of interest. Still, I want to get my picks on virtual paper, if only because it forces me to think through each series and determine what I expect or hope to see. So here goes:

Eastern Conference

(1) NY Rangers vs (8) Ottawa
Big news this week: Sports Illustrated acknowledges the existence of hockey, puts Henrik Lundqvist on the cover. Or maybe it's the Men's Fashion Issue or something -- haven't seen it yet.
Pick: New York in 5

(2) Boston vs (7) Washington
Would this not be the perfect time for President Obama to attend his first NHL game? I don't think any on-ice tactic can rattle the mental toughness of Timmy "Tinfoil Hat" Thomas, but I could see him melting down if he finds out Obama is in attendance.
Pick: Boston in 5

(3) Florida vs (6) New Jersey
Whichever team advances from this series is cannon fodder for their next opponent. Rare is the occasion when watching playoff hockey is a waste of time, but this series would qualify as such.
Pick: Florida in 6

(4) Pittsburgh vs (5) Philadelphia
Even if it required the bleatings of a lunkhead like Mike Milbury, I'm happy that some attention is finally being paid to the bad-faith antics of the Penguins.

The Most Interesting Flyers Fan In The World: "I don't always wish injury on Sidney Crosby, but when I do, I hope he hurts himself diving to draw a call."

The Flyers do have this going for them: Briere is going to play. He is an exceedingly rare player who produces at a higher level in the playoffs than in the regular season, and he's done so over a long enough sample size that it's not a fluke. However, en bref: It's impossible to pick against the Penguins in good conscience given that they're at full health.
Pick: Pittsburgh in 7

Western Conference

(1) Vancouver vs (8) Los Angeles
Given the continued absence of the Canucks' best player, the return of Jeff Carter to the Kings, and the near-inevitable Luongo egg-laying in at least one game, the Kings have a legitimate chance to win this series. However, if that egg-laying happens in a road game (game 3 or 4), I think the Canucks will have already built up enough wins to carry them through the series. Especially if Daniel Sedin is ready to return around that time.
Pick: Vancouver in 6

(2) St. Louis vs (7) San Jose
Heard this one yet? "The Sharks finally have no pressure on them coming into the playoffs because they're such underdogs." Many experts are picking the Sharks to win this series based on this rationale, which, of course, is a giant raft of whale shit. Regardless of their seeding, if the Sharks bomb out in the first round, everyone on this team short of Joe Pavelski is going to be playing for the fucking Blue Jackets next season.

The Sharks have shown virtually nothing all season to convince me they have a deep playoff run in them, relative inexperience of the Blues be damned. A Hitchcock-coached team is going to cash in on every Sharks screw-up. And there will be many.
Pick: St. Louis in 5

(3) Phoenix vs (6) Chicago
Like the Sharks, the Blackhawks have, at no point this season, looked like a legitimate Cup contender. Finally, the Coyotes reach the playoffs and don't immediately crash into the playoff-tested ass-kicking machine that is the Detroit Red Wings. This is the year: The star turn of Mike "54-save shutout" Smith is imminent.
Pick: Phoenix in 7

(4) Detroit vs (5) Nashville
I have a friend who swears up and down that I'll eventually become more of a political conservative as I grow older, have children, etc. I'm seeing no evidence of this so far, but the first round of the playoffs always brings out what little conservatism lurks in the recesses of my mind: I'm picking the Red Wings no matter who they're playing.*
Pick: Detroit in 7

*I used to apply a caveat, "I'm picking the Red Wings no matter who they're playing as long as they have Nicklas Lidstrom." Now I think I'm going to amend that, considering they'll have Ryan Suter on their team next year, and in 2013 they'll reunite him with Shea Weber. And so it goes.

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Another Year, Another Moronic Waste Of Your Time

2011-08-18T01:23:00.000-05:00

Ah, booo-urns, bub.

Each year the NFL releases their schedule and each year complete idiots stop paying attention to baseball and go through their favorite team’s schedule to assign wins and losses to each game. It’s as stupid a waste of time as I can come up with. So, lets run through next year’s Redskins schedule and assign wins and losses to each game! Yay!

Week 1: New York Giants
Pick: Giants (0-1)
Game Notes: Eli Manning throws eight potential interceptions, all of which are dropped by various Redskins defenders. After each drop the players hold the first two fingers on each hand aloft in tribute to #22, former teammate Carlos “butterfingers” Rogers. ... At the end of the half Manning throws a Hail Mary for a touchdown. The TV announcers spend halftime verbally fellating him. … After throwing fifteen consecutive incompletions, the game is halted and John Beck is given a plaque to commemorate his atrocious performance. During impromptu ceremony speech, Beck refers to himself as, “The luckiest man on the face of the Earth.”

Week 2: Arizona Cardinals
Pick: Cardinals (0-2)
Game Notes: Beck is yanked from the game after failing to complete any of ten passes. Rex Grossman comes in and completes his first pass, an interception returned for a touchdown. Grossman is given a standing ovation. … Kevin "If The Over/Under On When Chris Berman Uses The Nickname "Corn On The" Is Two Weeks Or More, Take The Under" Kolb plays fine. …Somewhere in San Francisco Carlos Rodgers drops his first interception of the season. I set my watch.

Week 3: @ Dallas Cowboys
Pick: Cowboys (0-3)
Game Notes: Tony Romo throws five touchdown passes, four directly over the head of DeAngelo Hall who, on the fourth one, seems to waive. In post-game interview, Hall predicts Redskins will win Super Bowl. … Redskins running backs gain 155 yards horizontally.

Week 4: @ St. Louis Rams
Pick: Rams (0-4)
Game Notes: Redskins run their losing streak to four, as the Rams drive down the field to score the winning touchdown as the fourth quarter expires. During the final drive, Redskins linebacker Brian Orakpo is, in order, held, held, tackled, tied up, held, mauled by a bear, duct taped, held, buried alive, held, tarred and feathered, drawn and quartered, and held. No penalties are called.

Week 5: Bye Week

Week 6: Philadelphia Eagles
Pick: Eagles (0-5)
Game Notes: Michael Vick is indicted in a Cat Fighting Ring. However, since Vick was never actually able to get the cats to wake up long enough to fight the charges are dropped. … Down 31-0 in the second quarter, the Redskins go three and out. They leave the field to a chorus of boos. Shanahan assures Dan Snyder fans are actually saying, "BoooYayRedskins!" … Up 48-3 in the third quarter, Andy Reid enjoys a sixth ham sandwich because you don't mess with a good thing.

Week 7: @ Carolina Panthers
Pick: Redskins (1-5)
Game Notes: Redskins running backs gain 18 yards on 17 carries. After the game Mike Shanahan praises them for “establishing the run.” … Redskins score only touchdown of the game when, after a blocked field goal attempt, the following three unlikely events occur: 1) the ball becomes lodged in kicker Graham Gano’s face mask; 2) while running in circles screaming obscenities and punching self in the face in vain attempt to dislodge the ball, Gano, who is deathly allergic to bees, sees a yellow jacket; 3) the creature chases a screaming, urinating Graham into the endzone at a speed which would get him drafted in the first round. After the game the Redskins attempt to give him a contract extension. He retires instead.

Week 8: @ Buffalo Bills
Pick: Redskins (2-5)
Game Notes: By obscure NFL by-law, twelve paying fans are required to attend the game or it must be cancelled. Surprisingly, a Bills/Redskins football game in Toronto, Canada draws only eleven. Fortunately Bills fan Luke Grant brought his dog, Turdy, who is allowed into the stadium so game can continue. This violates Canadian health code and game is shut down anyway. Fans of competent sports everywhere rejoice. Turdy lives up to his name on the bleachers.

Week 9: San Francisco 49ers
Pick: Redskins (3-5)
Game Notes: Carlos Rogers returns a John Beck pass for a touchdown, visibly taunting the Redskins as he goes by. This would have been humiliating for Washington had Rogers not actually dropped the interception and run down the field cradling nothing … Of John Beck’s fifteen passes, eight glace off some part of Carlos Rogers. Two are caught for touchdowns. Ah, memories.

Week 10: @ Miami Dolphins
Pick: Dolphins (3-6)
Game Notes: Rex Grossman is injured when all five of his offensive linemen are knocked on top of him simultaneously. As John Beck can’t be found, wide receiver Malcolm Kelly comes on as the emergency quarterback. This marks Kelly’s first appearance on the field this season. Many Redskins fans join me in a good cry. It is later learned Beck was in the laundry room with the lights off “studying the playbook.”

Week 11: Dallas Cowboys
Pick: Cowboys (3-7)
Game Notes: Dan Snyder sues the Cowboys for slandering his franchise. The slander: printing Redskins 3-7 record in media guide. … With the Cowboys win over their bitterest rival secure, Jerry Jones instructs his man-servants to help him prepare to smile.

Week 12: @ Seattle Seahawks
Pick: Seahawks (3-8)
Game Notes: Somewhere a child is happy, somewhere there is prosperity, somewhere Carlos Rogers just dropped a pick-six. Fortunately that isn’t the Redskins problem anymore. So, you know, cross one off a list the size of War and Peace.

Week 13: New York Jets
Pick: Jets (3-9)
Game Notes: The Redskins bring Clinton Portis out of retirement. Portis carries ten times for negative eleven yards wearing a tutu and Groucho glasses. Crowd shows approval by leaving more slowly than usual. … To fire his team up for game, Rex Ryan eats a human baby. Jets score four touchdowns in first quarter and cruise to victory. For post-game press conference Ryan walks to podium, burbs loudly, and leaves.

Week 14: New England Patriots
Pick: Patriots (3-10)
Game Notes: Patriots show up in DC with a split-squad … Albert Haynesworth sacks John Beck ten times. The final five consist of Beck screaming, throwing the ball up into the air and running in the opposite direction. … Tom Brady goes 18-19 for 350 yards and 4 touchdowns. He’s replaced by Tom Brady’s cleft chin, which throws for another 208 yards and 3 touchdowns.

Week 15: @ New York Giants
Pick: Giants (3-11)
Game Notes: Every pass Eli Manning makes bounces off a Redskins defender. Manning throws for 420 yards and six touchdowns

Week 16: Minnesota Vikings
Pick: Vikings (3-12)
Game Notes: Controversy swirls around Donovan McNabb when he does nothing wrong and speaks graciously.

Week 17: @ Philadelphia Eagles
Pick: Eagles (3-13)
Game Notes: Having already clinched home field advantage the Eagles sit entire roster including the coaching staff. After a tough four quarters the Redskins fall to an all star team of mascots, house cats and pancake house employees.

Here's a Surprise: They Look Terrible

2011-06-23T16:22:00.004-05:00

No, not the 2011-2012 Flyers. The new Nashville Predators jerseys.

Is a transition from "Stadium Mustard" to "Yellow Mustard" an upgrade? I say yes, but only by, like, 2%.

However, with the Atlanta Thrashers no longer in existence, the Predators took up the mantle of uniform asymmetry and plunked a teeny "Nashville" along the left collarbone.*

*Unless the photo above is mirror-imaged, which sometimes happens. Then it's the right collarbone.

Maybe the blinding home uniforms will distract the fans from the fact that the teat was unable to re-sign playoff hero Joel Ward. (Insert joke here about white people looking terrible in the team's former mustard-brown color whereas black people usually look good in that color.) The Flyers cleared out about $11 million in cap space today: $5.6M of it went to Ilya Bryzgalov, about $4M of it is going to Ville Leino, and I'm predicting the rest of it is going to Ward. And hoping $0.00 of it is going to Dan Carcillo.

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You May Remember Me from the Looting of the Coach Store

2011-06-16T13:48:00.002-05:00

Based on this photo from the Globe & Mail, the police can be fairly assured they'll find this shirtless scofflaw on the security footage from the Coach store that was looted last night.

(See, that's a Coach bag. OK, this is a post for girls. Or rich people.)

MLS has (had?) the San Jose Earthquakes and the Chicago Fire; time to change the Vancouver team's name to the Riots.

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Dopes, Cops with No Guns, and Fucking in the Streets

2011-06-16T13:34:00.007-05:00

Rumors of fatalities related to last night's looting of downtown Vancouver have proven to be false. There is one man in critical condition after a fall -- or jump -- off the Georgia Street aqueduct, and several people with stab wounds, but no fatalities.

However, shortly after this photo was taken, this man contracted chlamydia.

Note: The above photo has passed various forms of PhotoShop vetting; it's real and was actually taken last night. HOW-EVAH, get ready for the hacks!

Can't wait for the one of Scott Cousins barreling down the third base line toward them.

Fun T!!! facts: The image on our masthead at the top of the page is actually from a hockey riot, though I don't remember offhand which one.

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Jack Edwards just watched that video

2011-06-16T01:49:00.003-05:00

Fuck you, Jack Edwards. I know you're gonna be at the parade in colonial garb, wearing a powdered wig, swilling Sam Adams from a metal stein.

But fuck Vancouver more. Whatever's left of it.

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Blowin' Yo' Nutz Off!

2011-06-16T01:34:00.003-05:00

Well, I guess exploding a Canucks' fans gonads is, by definition, impossible as hockey fans around the world know that Vancouverites don't have any balls. But this is still damn funny.

And if the fans are eunuchs, then what are he Vancouver cops? That riot last night in Vanocuver after the Canucks 4-0 beatdown against Boston in game 7 - you know, cuz the Canucks turtled worse than a dude jumping in to an ice bath - went on for more than THREE FREAKING HOURS with almost ZERO police presence. At one point, the Solicitor General said that police and fire department could not mount a counter attack against the rioters as it was "too dangerous."

When politely pleading with the vagrants failed to make anyone disperse, they brought out the heavy artillery - HORSES! Like in the Revolutionary War days!

After things had finally broken up to manageable levels, the police department announced that there would be an "increased police presence" that night in the downtown area. Just in case a riot broke out or something.

Partyin' Like a Mav!

2011-06-16T01:10:00.003-05:00

“Turn that up! Turn that tune up RIGHT NOW!!”

The timing could not have been more perfect. Several members of the newly crowned NBA World Champion Dallas Mavericks – can you believe we get to say that now? - were just about to do their first victory shot last Monday night at their informal gathering at a local bar when one of their staff members detected the opening lines and piano chords to Queen's “We Are the Champions” and hollered at the bartender to crank the volume.

As the chorus hit, all of the players and staff sang loudly and hoisted their shots in the air, surrounding the face of the franchise, Dirk Nowitzki, whose glass reached highest of all. The whole image was strikingly similar to the team on the podium the night before in Miami, having just dispatched of the hated Heat on their home court, when Dirk was flanked by teammates and raised the Larry O'Brien Trophy triumphantly to the rafters.

Early in the afternoon last Monday, I received a call from a bartender I know at The Loon who gave me a heads-up that it was looking like the Mavs were assembling there for a low-key celebration that night. It made perfect sense to celebrate this way; their owner wears jeans and t-shirts to games and their star player is as laid back and unassuming as any I've ever witnessed. There was no way in hell that flashing lights and fog machines would be employed for this veteran bunch, and I assumed that I may get to see a few players have a drink or two then split.

Nope. Not even close. There were only around 20 people in the bar when I arrived, most of whom probably had no idea what was about to happen. Suddenly, Jason Kidd, in shorts, t-shirt and a San Diego Padres cap, quietly slid in and sat down. Mark Cuban followed minutes later and you could see all of the “civilians” in the bar firing text messages to friends. When Dirk and Brian Cardinal sprang through the door, the place erupted and it was clear that the lucky few of us who were there were gonna see something cool.

And seconds later, it happened. One of the employees of the bar was sent to “get something out of my trunk” by Cubes, and he returned with the O'Brien Trophy. Again the place went nuts, and after one of the bartenders got his picture with it, a patron next to me asked if he could do the same. “You break it, you buy it,” replied Cuban, and before we knew it, the trophy was being passed around the bar like a Stanley Cup celebration. Talk about a team and an owner that “gets it.” They connect with their fans and wave all pretension, and that night they gave a bunch of us memories that will even further bolster our recollection of their championship run.

But we weren't done.

Several more rounds of shots were thrown down by the team and staff, and cigars started appearing. Then the French duo of Ian Mahinmi and Roddy Beaubois filtered in. And finally, J.J. Barea and a nearly unrecognizable Jason Terry, due to his hat being pulled low and wearing shades, made their appearance. The party was officially ON.

On the multiple screens around the bar, ESPN was running a Finals wrap-up and when they showed LeBron on-screen, the entire place was filled with boos. Barely 24 hours earlier, these guys were battling LeBron and the Heat, and now they were playfully joining in with Mavs fans in taunting The King.

What happened next was the most remarkable part of the evening. NBA TV was rebroadcasting the entirety of game 6, and immediately the music volume in the bar went down and the TV volume went up. Incredibly, we were about to watch the Mavs watch themselves win a title. The fans in the bar cheered every Mavs basket as if we were watching it for the first time. Mavs players hollered back and forth at each other, taunting each other when they made bad plays and slapping fives on good ones. Barea started yelling at Dirk, “Dirk! Dirk! Check the screen!” Seconds later, the TV Barea nailed a three-pointer.

The players and Mavs staff chanted “Car-Di-Nal! Car-Di-Nal!” when Cardinal drew a charge on Dwyane Wade. They erupted with “Ma-Hin-Mi! Ma-Hin-Mi!” when Ian Mahinmi drained his buzzer-beating jumper to end the third quarter and put the Mavs up by nine.

It was as surreal an experience as I could ever imagine. We had just endured the two-month ride to the title, watching every second on TV, and now we were getting to revel in the elation of a championship with most of the team. The non-Mavs patrons at the bar were incredibly respectful of the players and left them alone to celebrate, and in turn, the players and Mavs staff allowed us to share in their joy.

This is a first-class Champion, from top to bottom. An owner who handled himself with class and wanted to share the team's success with others, whether it be asking NBA Commissioner David Stern to present the championship trophy to original owner Donald Carter, or allowing a bar employee to bring the trophy in to the Loon. He eschewed the spotlight beautifully. And what more can be said about the class and attitude of the players and their coach? A wonderful collection of veterans - all with a back story of their own - that threw ego out the window and sacrificed for each other to reach their collective goal. They are the definition of a team.

It is a group that all Mavs fans, and basketball fans in general, can hold in high regard. And seeing how they handle themselves when the curtain was pulled back last Monday night only made me that much more proud and elated for them.

Following These Topics: "LeBron Poops Pants?"

2011-06-09T18:50:00.004-05:00

LeBron is playing like what he is: A guy who signed a free-agent contract with a team that already had two max-contract players.

Also: He showed up at the American Airlines Center for Game 5 tonight in skin-tight flared jeans.

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Finally Time for Some Red River Roundball

2011-05-17T17:30:00.002-05:00

After a lengthy layoff and flying under the national sports media's radar (thanks in large part to owner Mark Cuban's almost fanatical aversion to publicity during these playoffs) for more than a week, the Dallas Mavericks are just hours away from finally tipping off the Western Conference Finals.

Following their rousing sweep and total evisceration of the Los Angeles Lakers in game four, the Mavericks are brimming with confidence, but so too are the Oklahoma City Thunder, after winning their first two playoff series since relocating the franchise. It is usually during playoff series that rivalries are born, and with the obvious geographical proximity and the Red River Rivalry between the Longhorns and Sooners already a big part of the fabric of sports fans in both cities, it likely won't take long before Mavs fans are calling Thunder point guard Brian Westbrrok a flopper or OKC fans booing Tyson Chandler for his boistrous chest pumping.

Looking at their meetings this year, let's see how the teams match up:

Dallas vs Oklahoma City:

	Dallas	OKC
Wins	2	1
PPG	103.0	98.3
FG%	46.7	45.7
3PT%	37.1	34.1
FT%	84.6	73.6
RB	46.3	40
AST	23.3	23.3
TO	13.3	11

Both of Dallas' wins against the Thunder came in Oklahoma City, and Dirk Nowitzki really only participated in the first game in November, scoring 34 points; he sprained his knee early in their second meeting and sat out the third tilt. It's a very small sample size, but the Thunder really don't have anyone who can bother Dirk defensively. They will throw Thabo Sefolosha on him to try and utilize his length and athleticism to try and disrupt him in the same fashion that worked for Golden State back in 2007, but Nowitzki has learned to carve up these kinds of defensive schemes since then.

The NBA's leading scorer, Kevin Durant, averaged 29.3 points per game against Dallas, but in the two Dallas wins was limited to just 2 and 5 points in the fourth quarter. Russell Westbrook was really held in check by the Mavericks' defense, averaging just 14.3 points per game, and in the Mavs wins, Westbrook was a putrid -27 total. Add in the fact that Durant and Westbrook at times seem to be feuding for the ball and the Mavs could be catching a team going through some turmoil, especially in crunch time in close games.

The Tyson Chandler Factor cannot be understated; Chandler twice grabbed 18 rebounds against the Thunder, his season high. Ironically, Chandler was traded to OKC last year, but the trade was rescinded due to medical concerns and the Mavericks were the lucky beneficiaries. Since these two teams last played each other, the Thunder have added center Kendrick Perkins in an effort to shore up their middle, but his lack of mobility and athleticism will do little to slow Chandler.

Dallas has too many weapons and is too experienced in crunch time playoff basketball for the Thunder, and Westbrook's erratic play will doom OKC.

Mavs in 7.

Take Dat Witchoooooo!!!

2011-05-05T11:57:00.001-05:00

Following the Mavericks series clinching win in Portland in game 6 of that series, Dallas fans had to reach for the Q-tips to clear their ears after hearing longtime Mavs critic Charles Barkley not only refused toimmediately state that the Los Angeles Lakers would be his pick to win their upcoming series against Dallas. Seconds later, they really had to be questioning what universe they were in when Barkley stated that the Lakers don't have a chance to stop Dirk Nowitzki and called his game “one of the most unique” he had ever seen.

In a recent column on ESPN.com, Bill Simmons addressed Nowitzki's play in these playoffs with equal adoration: “To Dirk Nowitzki, who reinvented himself over the years as a fiery competitor with the single most unstoppable move in basketball: his foul line post-up game that always seems to result in (A) him whirling around his defender and getting a layup, (B) him spinning around, sticking his elbows right in the defender's mug and launching a jumper that starts over Dirk's head, or (C), him fading away with an awkward-looking fade-away that has to rank alongside Hakeem's Dream Shake and McHale's mega-fallaway in the Shots That Seem Technically Impossible But Go In Anyway pantheon. Do you have any idea how that shot goes in? Me neither. I also have no idea how to stop that post-up game. Double him and he kicks to an open shooter. Single him and he scores. You can't win.”

Now that the Mavericks have won two road playoff games in a row, something they have not done since the opening road in 2006 against the Memphis Grizzlies, and dispatched of a team (Portland) in a series that many experts predicted them to lose, NBA pundits are finally able to let go of their dismissive opinions of Dirk and the Mavs and actually heap praise on how magnificently Nowitzki has performed in this postseason.

Somehow, in his latest Postseason MVP Rankings column, ESPN's David Thorpe had Nowitzki ranked 7th – a full six spots behind Memphis' Marc Gasol, who he placed in the top spot. Granted, Gasol has been enormous in helping get the Grizzlies in to the second round for the first time in that franchise's history, but he's not even the best player on his team in the playoffs thus far (that would be Zach Randolph.)

Where should Dirk really be ranked? I decided to assemble the stats in the playoffs thus far for the seven players that I would consider for MVP, and see how Nowitzki stacks up.

PLAYER	PPG	FG%	3PT%	FT%	RB	USG RATE%	% OF TEAM'S POINTS*	PER	+/-
Nowitzki	27.4	46	46	90	8.7	39.0	35	26.09	6.7
L. James	25.4	48	30	76	9.4	30.3	30	28.60	6.9
D. Wade	25.3	47	28	85	7.3	35.6	33	29.26	7.3
K. Bryant	24.4	45	39	82	3.9	39.2	34	23.09	6.7
Z. Randolph	22.3	47	33	87	9.3	29.6	29	24.40	3.6
K. Durant	31.6	48	48	82	6.3	32.7	36	28.36	3.3
D. Rose	27.0	38	23	87	4.7	39.3	33	24.63	6.7

All stats from NBA.com, except PER from ESPN.com.
*Percentage of team's scoring while player on the floor.

The first thing that leaps off the page to me is Nowitzki's phenomenal shooting numbers. None of the other candidates even really come close. Factor this offensive efficiency with the fact that he surprisingly has the third highest usage rate (behind only Kobe and Rose, two players that absolutely dominate the ball when they're on the floor) and it becomes apparent what a unique and deadly weapon Dirk has been through the first seven games of these playoffs.

The one stat that will eventually determine the real MVP is, of course, wins. If Dirk can keep the Mavs winning, then there is no doubt who the MVP will be and he will have cemented his position as one of the greatest players ever to play this game. The 2006 Finals and the Golden State loss will become nothing more than footnotes on his Hall of Fame plaque.

Caps In 7

2011-05-03T22:25:00.001-05:00

Gonna happen.

Picks Pool: Bad News/Good News

2011-04-28T16:09:00.009-05:00

The bad news? I suck at this. The good news? There aren't many people ahead of me.

Yep, that's right -- five of us, total. FIVE. Even Snizza, one of the boneheads who actually runs this blog and drinks at the Landing, didn't bother to send in any picks.

Bill: 10 pts
Aaron: 10 pts
Jeff: 8 pts
Me: 6 pts
Matty: 5 pts

I actually got six of the eight series correct -- or just one fewer than Aaron did -- but didn't get any of the numbers of games right. I guess you gotta hang up some crooked numbers to win in this league.

Oh, yeah -- as you can see, since we're using the simplified scoring, I just did it by hand rather than messing with an Excel spreadsheet. Predictions are in blue, scored are in red.

So the Eastern Conference matchups are set now as well. Both conferences sent through their 1, 2, 3, and 5 seeds. How 'bout it, eh?

The Flyers won't have the opportunity to eliminate the Penguins -- poopy style! -- from the playoffs this year, but they will have the opportunity to deny the Bruins revenge after having come back from an 0-3 series deficit last season to eliminate them. Oh, and fuck Jack Edwards.

Eastern Conference
(1) Washington vs.
(5) Tampa Bay

(2) Philadelphia vs.
(3) Boston

Western Conference
(1) Vancouver vs.
(5) Nashville

(2) San Jose vs.
(3) Detroit

VAN/NSH starts tonight at 8 PM Central; it's the only series that starts today. So if you wanna just pick that one and then pick the rest tomorrow, that's fine. Not like there's a lot of data for me to keep track of here.

Hey, did you guys know the NFL Draft starts tonight? I just heard that. Hahaha. Actually, I don't think Matty even knows the Stanley Cup Playoffs are going on, what with the Red Sox playing every night.

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Picks Pool: Conference Semifinals Start TOMORROW

2011-04-27T19:07:00.004-05:00

Yeah, that's right -- CAPS LOCK DISEASE.*

*Probably does not apply to the actual Caps.

The matchups are still a few hours from being finalized in the Eastern Conference, but the second round gets started in the Western Conference at 8:00 PM Central Time Thursday, April 28, 2011, the Year of Our Lord.

Western Conference
(1) Vancouver vs.
(5) Nashville

(2) San Jose vs.
(3) Detroit

If the Bruins ~~hang on to their 2-1 second-period lead~~ break a 2-2 tie tonight, there will be no seed lower than 5 advancing to the Conference Semis this season, which is a grotesque departure from recent years. The best regular-season teams advancing out the first round of the playoffs? What the hell's going on out there?!?

Back later with Eastern Conference matchups and picks.

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Momentum, The Caps, And The Future (of the Caps)

2011-04-19T01:05:00.000-05:00

Momentum is a funny thing. It's like pornography. You can't really define it, but you know it when you see it. The Caps lose on Wednesday and, two games left in DC or not, the momentum will be all in New York's favor. How valuable is that? Well it's the most valuable thing until the next goal is scored. So it's something.

The Caps find themselves the same position as numerous teams from the franchise's past, in control of a series. The Caps are playing with house money on Wednesday. Win and they're up 3-1, with their foots on the Rangers throat, lose and the series becomes a best of three with two games in DC. So it isn't the end of the series if the Caps fail to win game four in New York on Wednesday night. The series will be knotted at two games apiece with two remaining in Washington. Even in that scenario, the Capitals have the advantage.

As a franchise the Capitals have been up 2-0 or up 3-1 in a seven game series roughly a billionty times and they've lost about 70% of them. I'm not making that last number up. I can't find the actual information but it is incredibly about a 30% success rate as a franchise after achieving a 2-0 or 3-1 series lead for Washington.

The thing is, I think the Rangers are a good team and I don't think the Caps are a whole lot better. Sure they won 2-0 in game 2, which was great, but it took OT to win in the first game and that could have easily gone either way. The same can be said of Game 3 which took a herculean effort by the officials to hand New York an advantage and even then the Rangers needed a lucky bounce to win with a minute plus left in regulation.

The point is other than Game 2, either team could have won Games 1 or 3. It's quite possible the Rangers could be the ones up 2-1 now, or the Caps up 3-0.

This brings me back to the system the Caps run. They made one of them most amazing transitions in pro sports history, turning an offensive machine which eschews defense on it's head. While the Rangers are a very good defensive hockey team, should a team with the Caps incredible collection of offensive superstars really be scoring 2, 2, and 3 goals? Maybe. But I wonder if there is a way to play defensively responsible hockey without ignoring the offensive portion of the game.

This year's Caps team might go far into the playoffs, but they just as easily could be eliminated in the first round, because with the style they play, a single lousy bounce can be the difference between winning and losing. The lower scoring the game the more each goal means and the less room for error there is. Like on Sunday when the Rangers jumped back into the series with a lucky bounce against a franchise that historically has had trouble closing these out.

Things look bright for the Caps now, but another loss and it starts to change. Two losses and we're in panic mode. Three losses and we're taking about a new head coach andnew offensive and defensive systems. Yes, momentum is a toughie to define, but we know it when we see it, and the Caps don't have it right now. We'll see if they can find it on Wednesday in New York. My guess is we won't know till a few minutes left in regulation, and maybe not even then.
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2011 Stanley Cup Playoffs: Conference Quarterfinals Picks

2011-04-13T16:05:00.009-05:00

I'm finding it difficult to even concentrate on the playoffs getting started, now that the Stars have launched Marc Crawford's carcass into orbit to go run a bag skate with some Soviet plutonium. His hire two seasons ago is inexplicable as ever, but comments from GM Joe Nieuwendyk seem to send the message that he was installed as a sort of short-term restrictor plate to toughen up the team for 2 years, with the expectation that the team would take a huge jump forward after he was replaced. Ludicrous as it sounds, it worked in Vancouver. And at least he's gone, and we'll once again see some logic being employed behind the Stars bench, regardless of who becomes the next head coach.

What we will not see is Crawford coaching another NHL team. My pet theory about the relative quality of an NHL head coach is this: Ask yourself whether, if he's cashiered, he'll land another job. In my opinion, the answer with Crawford is a resounding "no," and the brilliant Daryl Reaugh agrees.

Eastern Conference
1. Washington vs. 8. New York Rangers
The Simple Ranking System (SRS), explained here, has been very successful in predicting the winners of playoff series in recent years. However, what SRS does not take into account, for example, is that the Capitals will have Mike Green's services, and the Rangers will not have Ryan Callahan's.
Pick: Washington in 6

2. Philadelphia vs. 7. Buffalo
For the second time in just a few short years, Dan Carcillo's antics will cost the Flyers dearly in the playoffs. Recall his grandstanding after a fight with "Superstar" Max Talbot directly presaging the team blowing a 3-0 lead in a pivotal game against Pittsburgh; now, in last week's game against the Sabres, Carcillo patted the 5'5'' Nathan Gerbe on the head in an obivious slight regarding his height, and then Gerbe scored the game-tying goal and the Sabres won in OT. And of course, the Sabres ended up as the Flyers' first-round matchup. Gerbe will be a household name by the end of this series.

The Sabres have an incredible amount of positive momentum, between their new ownership and the way they've played in the past two months. The Flyers have been standing around waiting to get beat since the All-Star Break.
Pick: Buffalo in 6

3. Boston vs. 6. Montreal
Montreal, always speedy and well coached, will probably ride their home-ice advantage and outstanding power play to a win or two, but the Bruins are just so much better, and deeper, and more well rounded, than the Habs. If I'm ranking my confidence level of my first-round picks, this one is ranked second.
Pick: Boston in 5

4. Pittsburgh vs. 5. Tampa Bay
Probably the toughest series to call. Pittsburgh has inexplicably played better without Sidney Crosby than they did when he was healthy. I think Dan Bylsma has matured into an excellent coach; the Pens control what they can control, rendering the goals they score more infrequently than before proportionally more valuable than they were before. To take nothing away from 56-year-old netminding marvel Dwayne Roloson, 26-year-old Marc-Andre Fleury is the most experienced starting goalie in this year's playoffs. (Um... Wow?)
Pick: Pittsburgh in 6

Western Conference
1. Vancouver vs. 8. Chicago
It's going to be fun to watch all of Canada flip out, Pink Hat Nation style, if Chicago wins game 1 in Vancouver, but the Canucks are the best team in the NHL by a country mile. At even strength, on the power play, shorthanded, in net, up front, on the backline, wherever -- they're a top-5 team. Without Byfuglien and Ladd, both of whom drove the Canucks batshit last season in their second-round matchup, I don't think the Blackhawks have a chance.
Pick: Vancouver in 5

2. San Jose vs. 7. Los Angeles
This is the series I'd take in a suicide pool -- easy call. The Kings are a terrific defensive team, but they were a lame offense even without Anze Kopitar -- their best offensive player -- and Justin Williams -- a playoff veteran with his name on the Cup who scores tough, timely goals. The Sharks have been a house o' fire for two months, and Niemi has been even better than he was last season.
Pick: San Jose in 5

3. Detroit vs. 6. Phoenix
Can Detroit win this series on pure muscle memory? They certainly don't look like the battle-tested ass-kicking machine they've looked like in years past. The Coyotes aren't without hope here, but Bryzgalov is going to have to steal two games. He can certainly do it, as Marc-Andre Fleury did in the first round three years ago en route to the Stanley Cup. Alas, the Red Wings don't employ a soft-headed windbag like Dan Carcillo to help them forfeit any possible advantage they gain.
Pick: Detroit in 6

4. Anaheim vs. 5. Nashville
Another very tough series to call, but one with probably the best strategic matchup in the entire playoffs: Anaheim's dominant top line of Perry/Getzlaf/Ryan versus the Preds' top defense pair of Suter and Weber. Matchup-obsessed Randy Carlyle will try like hell to keep that dominant line away from Suter and Weber, so home ice advantage should be bigger here than usual. Anaheim has quietly assembled an outstanding defensive corps, but I feel like teenage rookie Cam Fowler -- a ghastly minus-24 on a 99-point team -- can be exploited.

The heroics of the incredible Teemu Selanne -- whose late-game scoring prowess in the second half of the season is literally unprecedented in NHL history -- have been a big part of the Ducks' surge into the no. 4 seed. But peep this (scroll down): of all experienced (>500 career games) high-level scorers (>.65 points per game) in the NHL, no one's scoring drops off between the regular season and the playoffs more than Selanne's does. (You were going to guess Joe Thornton, right? He's got the fourth biggest dropoff. The biggest improvement? By far -- more than half a point per game between his improvement and the next best* -- Daniel Briere. If you've watched him over the years, that's not a surprise to you.) I think Nashville wins its first ever playoff series. SRS agrees.
Pick: Nashville in 7

*Next best is another undrafted little French guy who was let go for nothing by a fercockta team: Martin St. Louis.

Scoring Note
Matty asked me the other day whether the scoring changes as the playoff rounds progress, ie, 1-and-1 (outcome/no. of games) for the first round, 2-and-2 for the second round, etc.

The answer: it does not. Unlike with our old 7-and-7 system (not, as might be assumed, a scoring system whereby you drink so much Canadian whisky and soda that you f**k up the spreadsheet beyond all recorgnition), with this one, you don't fall behind the pack by more than a point or two after a bad round, so there's no reason to inflate the scoring.

Two years ago, at ye olde watering hole, we scored the pool in parallel with the simplified single-point system and the 7-and-7 scoring system (in which the scoring progressively inflates), and found there was no reason not to score every round as 1-and-1.

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Oh Christ, Here I Go Again...

2011-04-12T17:19:00.001-05:00

Last year I finished in last place. I think it was my best ever showing in the TOOOAST!!!/Lakewood Landing Eleventeenth Annual Memorial Invitational Stanley Cup Playoffs Picks Pool. In short, I'm not good at this. I'm likely to be more successful by flipping a coin, which really isn't such a bad idea. Let's do this. I'm going to put my picks up not just against the others in this pool, but against the random chance of a quarter. Heads is the high seed, tails the low. Let's light this failure scented candle!

Eastern Conference

1. Washington vs. 8. New York Rangers

Could this really be the year? The Caps have embarked on assembling a more Cup-ready roster this season, now with Jason Arnott and Dennis Wideman, who is hurt and won't play in this series. They should be getting Mike Green back though, who is the rich man's Dennis Wideman. If he's healthy, Green should help on the power play, which is Matty's Key To The Series. If the Caps can score on the Power Play they can sit back in their defensive posture and let the Rangers force the issue and then capitalize (no pun intended) on their mistakes. Predictably I'm going to be a homer and pick the

My pick: Capitals in 5
Coin Says: Capitals

2. Philadelphia vs. 7. Buffalo

Ryan Miller might be the best goalie in the playoffs and the Flyers are probably the best team-minus-the-goalie in the playoffs. So this is a strange series. Still it's not like Buffalo can't score. It's more like they aren't so hot at defense, which to me at least, makes Miller even more critical. The other unknown is how horrific will the Flyers goalies be in the series? Earlier in the year Bobrovsky was a revelation, but recently he's been a revulsion. Brian Boucher is Brian Boucher, i.e. he's fine but not anyone I'd want to pin my Cup hopes on. (Be interested to hear what BMFS has to say on this topic.)
I'm going to go with the better team and assume they'll be able to somehow find some decent goaltending.

My pick: Philadelphia in 6
Coin Says: Philadelphia

3. Boston vs. 6. Montreal

The Bruins are my pick to get to the Finals from the Eastern Conference. They have everything, good scoring, strong defense, and an excellent goalie. All of which means they'll probably lose in the first round. Every time I saw the Canadiens this season they were getting their asses kicked, so as a result my opinion of them is probably too low. What ever. Fuck those fuckers, eh?

My pick: Boston in 4
Coin Says: Montreal

4. Pittsburgh vs. 5. Tampa Bay

This is the series everyone is probably taking for granted as over before it begins. Does Tampa really have any shot at all? Despite the five seed they're probably the weakest team in the Eastern Conference to make the playoffs and an argument could be made they're weaker than the Carolina team that finished 9th. Their goalie situation is lousy and their overall team defense is almost as bad. The wild card may be Sidney Crosby, but I don't honestly think it makes a difference whether he plays or not.

My pick: Pittsburgh in 5
Coin Says: Pittsburgh

Western Conference

I know nothing about the Western Conference so trying to justify my picks as anything other than random guesswork would be insincere. Thus I give you the picks, the coin, and a synonym for poop.

1. Vancouver vs. 8. Chicago
My pick: Chicago in 6
Coin Says: Vancouver
synonym for poop: Creeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaap

2. San Jose vs. 7. Los Angeles
My pick: Los Angeles in 7
Coin Says: San Jose
synonym for poop: turds

3. Detroit vs. 6. Phoenix
My pick: Detroit in 5
Coin Says: Detroit
synonym for poop: Doody

4. Anaheim vs. 5. Nashville

My pick: Anaheim in 7
Coin Says: Nashville
synonym for poop: butt dumplings

2011 Stanley Cup Playoffs: Dallas Stars NutzBus Fails to Drive over Speedbump

2011-04-10T20:02:00.006-05:00

With a playoff berth hanging in the balance, the Stars failed to beat one of the NHL's worst teams, the Minnesota Wild -- and looked tired, slow and disorganized in the process. So the Blackhawks -- a team that actually has a chance to knock off Vancouver, if simply from muscle memory -- has clinched the no. 8 seed in the Western Conference.

Sometimes in hockey, a team will get eliminated in the playoffs and only then will it become known that a serious, but undisclosed, injury was hampering one of the team's best players as it underachieved. A similar post-mortem revelation applies to the Stars: we've just been informed Marc "Code Red" Crawford is their coach.

So here you go. Get crackin':

Eastern Conference
1. Washington vs.
8. New York Rangers

2. Philadelphia vs.
7. Buffalo

3. Boston vs.
6. Montreal

4. Pittsburgh vs.
5. Tampa Bay

Western Conference
1. Vancouver vs.
8. Chicago

2. San Jose vs.
7. Los Angeles

3. Detroit vs.
6. Phoenix

4. Anaheim vs.
5. Nashville

Will post my breakdown and picks Wednesday.

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2011 Stanley Cup Playoffs: Dr. FrankenStars' Monster is ALIVE!

2011-04-10T15:30:00.008-05:00

Alright phr00tz, the seedings for the 2010-11 Stanley Cup Playoffs are all settled but one: the no. 8 seed in the West. And your Dallas Stars have their destiny in their own stinky, stinky hockey gloves: win in regulation or OT (but not in the shootout*) and the last playoff berth is theirs.

*A win in the skills contest would cause them to fall short of a tiebreaker they need. This is a good rule -- why should playoff seeding be impacted by something that doesn't happen in the playoffs? -- but, of course, it has the net effect of making the NHL standings appear even more byzantine than they already did.

Which brings us to the 10-months-dormant TOOOAST!!!/Lakewood Landing Eleventeenth Annual Memorial Invitational Stanley Cup Playoffs Picks Pool!

(Of which yours truly is the defending champion, having emerged from a field of, oh, four or five.)

The first-round matchups:

Eastern Conference
1. Washington* vs.
8. New York Rangers

*Matty wanted Bruce Boudreau shitcanned 6 months ago.** Lifelong Caps fan actin' like a pink-hatter.

**And also 4 months ago.

2. Philadelphia vs.
7. Buffalo

3. Boston vs.
6. Montreal

4. Pittsburgh vs.
5. Tampa Bay

Western Conference
1. Vancouver vs.
8. TO BE DETERMINED*

*In large part by Minnesota Wild netminder/blowout patch Jose Threeormore.

2. San Jose vs.
7. Los Angeles

3. Detroit vs.
6. Phoenix

4. Anaheim vs.*
5. Nashville

*Name of "network" that will not be airing any of this who-cares-a-thon of a series.

Like last year, we will be scoring the Pool based on the streamlined version of our old, needlessly complicated scoring system, whereby you get one point for picking the winner of a series correctly and one additional point for correctly predicting the number of games in the series. (I am hereby christening this the "Modified Simpleton scoring" system.)

So tell Bill Loney, Sal Ami, Willie Dewitt, Cole Kutz, Hal Jalikakik, Joe Mamma, Chuck Wagon, Dick Burns, and the rest of the fellas at the Tube Bar -- the Playoffs start Wednesday!

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This Sh*t Is On, Bitch: Caps Get Rangers

2011-04-09T22:45:00.001-05:00

For the second time in three seasons, the Caps and Rangers will face off in a first round playoff match up. This was decided Saturday after the Rangers beat the Devils, which put the ball squarely in Carolina's court. Carolina opted to fumble said ball, losing to Tampa Bay and therefore winning elimination before the start of the playoffs. Well done, Joe Corvo, you dolt.

The Rangers sneak in on the last day, which tells us zero about their ability to advance in the playoffs. The NHL playoffs aren't a crapshoot, but there is an element of luck in it. How much luck is up for debate, but no team should be dismissed regardless of regular season record.

That said, the Caps should beat the Rangers in five or six games. Of course, they should have beat Montreal in five or six games last year and ended up losing in seven, so nothing is set in stone.

Dennis Wideman is out of the first round, but Mike Green should be returning for the first game, which is likely set for Wednesday-ish. With a healthy Green back, the Caps power play should improve and that alone should put them over the top of the Rangers.

The one area where the Rangers are probably stronger than Washington is in goal with Henrik Lundqvist who is one of the best goalies in the NHL. Lundqvist was in goal two years ago when Washington beat the Rangers in seven games though, so it is possible to beat King Henrik. As for the Caps, my preference would be Simeon Varlomov in net, but it seems likely Bruce Boudreau will go with Michal Neuvirth. Neuvirth is not as flashy as Varlomov (and not as good) but he's a perfectly fine goalie and if the Caps lose it's unlikely to be because of him (primarily because Boudreau has an itchy trigger finger when it comes to goalies in the playoffs).

The Caps are a new team this year, far more defensively oriented compared to the run and gun teams Boudreau has brought to the playoffs these last three seasons. This team is, supposedly, more playoff primed and ready to lay it out on the line. The Rangers are no slouch and, honestly, if I were to choose a team to match the Caps up with in the first round, the Rangers would probably be second to last on the list behind Boston. But this is what you get.

To get to the Finals a team is going to have to beat three of the seven teams in their conference playoff bracket. So it stands to reason the Caps may have had to play the Rangers one way or the other. There's gonna be some John Tortilla references 'round these parts.

The puck drops this week. It's playoff time. Bring it on, bitches.

More here at T!!! later on.
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Thoughts On Playoff Match-Ups For YOUR Washington Capitals

2011-03-30T14:03:00.000-05:00

The Caps are winding down the regular season and, with a seat in the playoffs in their back pocket, there are only a few things left to do. 1) Get healthy. 2) Somehow solve the Power Play. 3) Figure out who the goalie should be in Game 1 of the first round. And 3) wait to see who the first round opponent is.

We'll deal with points one and two some other time, and focus on the one thing the Caps have no control over, point three.

I don't fret about the team the Caps draw in the first round too much. Seven teams make the playoffs in the Eastern Conference (besides DC) and to make the Finals the Caps will have to beat three or about half of them. People in the 'match-ups are important!' camp point out last year's loss to Montreal was a case of a good match-up for Montreal and a bad one for Washington and if the Caps had played another team they may have advanced further. I suppose so, but recall Montreal beat the Penguins in the next round as well before petering out against Philadelphia in the Conference Finals so it wasn't like Montreal was just a bad match up for Washington.

Also, who's to say if the Caps wouldn't have lost to any other team they played. The team blew a 3-1 series lead and lost the deciding game on home ice. I'm not sure the match-up was really the big problem.

Moving on to this season, the Caps currently sit second in the standings three points behind Philly who has a game in hand. The Caps have a similar lead over third place Boston, though again Boston has a game in hand on DC. In the division, the Caps are six points up on Tampa. With five games left the likelihood is the Caps will finish either second or third in the conference, meaning they'll face the sixth or seventh seed in Round 1.

Realistically, that is going to be one of three teams. Montreal, who currently holds the sixth seed with 89 points in 77 games played, the Rangers, currently seventh with 87 points in 76 games played, or Buffalo, at 85 points in 76 games played. Carolina is three points out of a playoff spot and they face Buffalo one more time before the season ends so that could happen, but for the sake of argument, let's assume they don't make it.

As odd as this sounds, of the three likely opponents, I'd rather the Caps faced Montreal. The potential to run into a crazy hot goalie in the Ranger's Lundqvist or the Sabres' Ryan Miller is real. In contrast, Carey Price is beatable, and in fact, the Caps beat him repeatedly during the playoffs last season. They've also had their way with Montreal this season, winning three times with their only loss coming in a shootout.

Another way to judge the teams, albeit an admittedly flawed one, is by goal differential. The Caps had the best goal differential in the NHL last season and you see how far that got them, but it's still a measure of overall team quality, which means something. The Caps are a +22, meaning they've scored 22 more goals than they've given up. Montreal (+6) and Buffalo (+11), and what the heck, Carolina (-12) are all significantly below Washington and none of them added players at the deadline of the caliber Washington did.

The Rangers are a different story, coming in with +37, the third best number in the Eastern Conference and significantly better than the Caps. Of course, that's who the Caps are matched up against currently. If the Caps fell to third in the conference and ended up facing any other team, you wouldn't catch me crying about it.
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Three Goalies, A Net And One Rabid Zebra With The Flu

2011-03-25T00:58:00.000-05:00

Now that the Caps are in the playoffs, answer this question: who is their goalie? Much like Fabio, they have three menu choices (if you ever listened to the old Don & Mike show you might get that reference).

Braden Holtby
Aside from having the best hockey name I can currently think of, Holtby has been just awesome. I'm pretty sure he's the only goalie in the modern era to post a save percentage above 100% (though I'll have to check that number later to be sure) and did I mention he has an awesome name? Well, he does.
The problem with Holtby is twofold. He's very young (8 years old this Januapril, I think) and has no NHL playoff experience. The chances of the Caps picking him to start games in the playoffs are exactly the same as the chances the other two goalies get struck by truck/mauled by a rabid zebra/the flu.

Semyon Varlamov
Varlamov is, in all seriousness, twelve feet tall. No, he isn't, but how cool would it be if he was? He could poke-check at the center line. What Varlamov is is the Caps best goalie. He simply stops more shots than anyone on the team, with the possible exception of Mike Green's face. The concern with Varly is injuries and the related rust on his game. Can he step back in and backstop the Caps in a playoff game without losing a step? If it were up to me, he'd be my choice.

Michal Neuvirth
Neuvirth has held the fort down while Varlamov has been hurt, basically the entire season. Holtby has had some runs but mostly it's been Neuvirth in net for the Caps. He's a sound netminder, but the stats say he's not quite as good. I don't think he'll be the reason the Caps lose in the playoffs if he does end up in net, and he can steal a game or two, but he's less likely to take over a series like Varlamov can.

Add it all up and while there may be a right answer, there really isn't much in the way of a wrong one. I'd go with Varlamov if he's healthy (as if that wasn't already obvious) but even if the Caps wind up with Holtby in net at some point, which isn't exactly out of the question, they'll probably won't lose due to lousy goaltending.
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Caps Make Statement Vs. Flyers; That Statement: No Statement Here

2011-03-23T20:29:00.001-05:00

Image courtesy The Washington Post

The build up to last night's Flyers/Caps game in Philly was there. The game had a playoff feel, at least for the first period. But even though the Caps came out on top, 6-5 via the Gimmick, this game really meant nothing and will be forgotten by the time the playoffs roll around.

Still, I'm the one writing about the game, so I should say something, eh? So, OK, here goes. The team who should feel the best about their night's work is the Flyers. Consider:

Two of the first three of Caps goals were pretty soft. The first and third were stops that a starting goalie in an NHL playoff game has to make, but Sergei Bobrovsky didn't stop them. He didn't stop a top shelf deflection by Mike Knuble for the Caps second goal either but that one, at least to me, is a much harder stop.

Spotted three goals, the Flyers had no choice but to focus on offense and they did that. In what became a one sided game for the final 40 minutes, the Flyers fired shot after shot after shot after shot at Michael Neuvirth and were able, to the surprise of nobody who actually saw the game, to take the lead with about five minutes left in the third.

Yes the Caps re-tied it up on a slapshot that, again, maybe the Flyers goalie should have stopped, but the total domination by the Flyers in 5-on-5 hockey is the take-away for me.

There are two other points of note. The first is evident above: the Flyers have an excellent team right up to the goalie, but there they've got some problems. Bobrovsky has come back to earth and Brian Boucher is still Brian Boucher, i.e an unremarkable should-be backup goalie. He played fine, but got totally schooled in the shootout. It's too late for the Flyers to do much about it now, but I bet they'd give their kingdom for any one of the Caps three young goalies.

The other issue is the Caps and to a lesser extent the Flyers were missing too many top shelf players. The Flyers were missing defenseman extraordinaire Chris Pronger missed the game, but the Caps were missing almost too many players to count. For starters, Alex Ovechkin, Mike Green, and new Cap Jason Arnott missed the game with injuries. Eric Fehr's I'm-back-no-wait act continued as he missed part of the second and all of the third periods. Other players were out as well, but none as important to the Caps.

The end result is that, again, these teams are pretty evenly matched. The one big difference is in goal where the Caps suddenly have an embarrassment of riches, while the Flyers are rich with embarrassments. It would likely take two series wins by each team for the two to meet in the playoffs, and if that were to happen the Flyers goaltending situation would surely have been sorted out.

In the end it doesn't matter whether or not the Caps or Flyers ends up first in the Eastern Conference. If any statement was made on Tuesday night in Philly, it was don't read much into this one.
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YOUR Washington Caps Could COULD COULD!!! Win The Eastern Conference

2011-03-17T22:26:00.000-05:00

For a team that has been seemingly struggling throughout the season, your Washington Capitals are in an incredible position. Following a nine game winning streak which ended last night in Montreal, the Caps are only two points behind the Eastern Conference leading Philadelphia Flyers. Philly has two games in hand, so catching them with only ten games left in the season seems unlikely, even though there is a game left head-to-head. But more than unlikely, it's unimportant.

The Caps know firsthand that finishing the regular season with the best record in the NHL earns you a big cup of nothing. Right now the Caps should be focusing on winning the Southeast Division, a one which they're leading by 4 points over Tampa, although Tampa has a game in hand. Winning the SE Division would give the Caps home ice in at least the first round of the playoffs, which quite frankly is good enough. If they're going to win the cup they're going to have to win some road games anyway.

So what sparked this mid-tier team to make a run at the top of the conference after sitting in the middle of the pack in the Southeast division for most of the season? It was the trading deadline, batman. Adding Jason Arnott and Denis Wideman, and to a lesser extent Marco Sturm has allowed the Caps to push through some rough injury-related waters. Despite missing Mike Green, Nicklas Backstrom and now Jason Arnott, the Caps are on a run. Since the trading deadline the Caps have picked it up like turning on a light switch, out-scoring their opponents by 12 goals and taking 16 of a possible 18 points.

With the Lightning still the only team in the Eastern Conference with a negative point differential (I keep waiting for that to change and it never does), you have to like the Caps chances to hold on to the top spot in the division over their next ten games. If they can handle that and some of their top guys can find a bit of health along the way, this could be the team that nobody wants to play in April. Or, dare I say it, June.
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