The Rangers Should Probably Focus More On Trading Deadline And Less On Gay Sex

Come on, ESPN's Rob Neyer*, this is pretty bad:



I guess its better than "Rangers Filling All Holes With Hard Cock". That'd be funnier though.

*Actually his real name.
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Heavy Is The Chin That Wears Tha Nutz

This dude could use some steroids, eh?

Having written two amazing pieces for T!!! the last few days I was planning on laying low today. Then I listened to this interview given by Red Sox radio announcer Dave O'Brien with Boston sports radio station WEEI (transcript here).

Something O'Brien said struck me as fundamentally wrong. And, no, this has nothing to do with statistics. Tucked in between questions about the Red Sox starting pitchers and their (rapidly diminishing) playoff chances was this overly long question:

Dave we're gonna have these conversations a lot the next couple years Rafael Palmeiro was eligible for the Hall of Fame next year. Alex Rodriguez sitting on 599 on the verge of 600 home runs. How do you feel about some of these milestones and some of these guys who have incredible numbers from the steroid era? How do you analyze them now because you may be in a position of doing some of these games here."

A rambling invitation to throw out a bunch of pseudo moral garbage if I've ever heard one. O'Brien doesn't disappoint either. Please keep your hands inside the car during the ride and remember, if you're gonna spew, spew into this.

You know what it is, Michael, and you’re probably the same way when you write about it, if you write from a position of conscience in the end. And that’s how I broadcast, I have to face my own conscience in the mirror. When you look at Mark McGwire, I had an ESPN game, it was the [New York] Mets and the [St. Louis] Cardinals, and Mark McGwire looks like he weighs about 185 pounds now. He looks like a totally different person.

Well I should think so. When McGuire played for St. Louis he was in his mid 30s. Dude is now 47 years old. Also, duh, he's probably not working out all the time now because he doesn't have to play baseball for a living anymore.

Also, HE'S A SUPER CHEATER!!!!!

He copped to it, he finally said, “Yeah, I used steroids.” He used steroids for like 10 years, for the dominate portion of his career. And his home runs came while using performance-enhancing drugs. How can you possibly discount that?

I don't know who is "discounting" it, but, for the hundred millionth time, its not like performance enhancing drugs guarantee you can hit homers. Lots of minor leaguers have been caught using steroids but nobody ever brings that up. Know why? Cause they don't fit the narrative, which as far as I can tell is, if you take steroids you will instantly become a baseball god.

Can’t we look at Roger Clemens and draw conclusions? Isn’t that part of what people want us to do and expect us to do? To help them form their opinions, to help them carve out an opinion. We’re [the media] are the ones with informed knowledge, we have to be the ones, I think, to set the standard. And it comes from our conscience.

That was the part that made me barf. Let me go back and address each of those lines individually.

Can’t we look at Roger Clemens and draw conclusions?

No. No you can't.

Let me see if I can draw a topical parallel here. There's this whole kerfuffle in Arizona that you may have heard about. See, they passed a law that lets police officers stop people at any time to see if they are in the country legally. Many people are angry about this law because it allows police officers to stop you at random and because now everyone must carry around proper papers all the time otherwise they could be detained by the police.

Also the stopping of people won't really be random. The police will stop people who look Hispanic. The basic problem behind all of this is YOU CAN'T TELL WHETHER SOMEONE IS LEGAL OR NOT JUST BY LOOKING AT THEM.

Isn’t that part of what people want us to do and expect us to do? To help them form their opinions, to help them carve out an opinion.

I can't speak for everyone, but that is not at all what I want out of my baseball announcers. In fact, please, for God's sake, keep the damn moralizing to a minimum. I'll carve out my own opinion.

Know what? Lets play a game. Think of the best baseball broadcaster you've ever heard. Maybe its Harry Kalas, maybe its Vin Scully, maybe its Ernie Harwell. Doesn't matter. OK, got him? Now imagine him, in his best stately broadcasting voice, saying this:

Can’t we look at Roger Clemens and look at Roger and draw conclusions? Isn’t that part of what people want us to do and expect us to do? To help them form their opinions, to help them carve out an opinion. We’re [the media] the ones with informed knowledge, we have to be the ones, I think, to set the standard. And it comes from our conscience.

I didn't think so. That's Tha Nutz for you, Mr. O'Brien.
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Welcome To The Unexciting World Of Run Differential!!!

The statistical revolution in baseball has taught us a lot. We know pitchers don't have as much control over batted balls as we thought (DIPS), we know hitters tend to certain norms such as hitting .300 on balls in play and hitting 10% of fly balls for homers, and we know we don't know jack about fielding.

Something else we know is that run differential (runs scored minus runs allowed) can tell us more about a team than its actual won-loss record can. Exciting, no? With that in mind (and without getting into Pythagorean record), I took a look at the run differentials in MLB this season.

You might expect that of the thirty teams in MLB, fifteen of them would have positive run differentials (RDs) and fifteen would have negative. Or at least something close to that. Not so far. Currently eighteen teams have positive RDs and only twelve have negative RDs. Eight of the eighteen are in the AL while ten are in the NL.

The top two teams in all of baseball (by RD) are both in the AL East: New York (+134) and Tampa (+126). No other team is over +100, although San Diego surprisingly is close at +94. For those of you expecting a Red Sox resurgence they are at +67, behind both NY and Tampa, but also behind Minnesota (+83) and Texas (+91) in the AL.

Texas has the biggest divisional lead in all of baseball (7.5 games), which makes sense when you look at their divisional opponents. Second place Oakland is +20, and both the Angles (-23) and Mariners (-107 oofah...) have been outscored on the season.

While confirming some parts of the standings, Run Differential also tells us that maybe some are looking up at lesser teams in their division. The White Sox, leading the AL Central, are at +45 while second place Minnesota is at +83. Does this mean Minnesota is a better team? Well, in this case, yes. +38 is a significant difference, but injuries and the trade deadline prevent me from saying concretely that Minnesota will pass Chicago. Though if everything remains the same they should.

The NL Central has the Reds, a half game ahead of St. Louis (going into today's games), at +69 (huh huh huh). The Cardinals are at +70. This is what you call a dead heat.

The NL East, NL West, and AL East all have only one team in each division with a negative RD. Not surprisingly, that team is routinely getting the crap kicked out of them The Nationals are the best of the lot at a not-really-that-awful -55. The Diamondbacks, now in full sell mode so don't look for much improvement, are at an awful -126.

But nobody can beat the Orioles, who some misguided souls thought might actually be decent this year. Didn't happen. The Orioles currently lead all of baseball with a *gasp* -191. This befits the fact that Baltimore is 33.5 games behind the Yankees in the AL East. With a little luck the Orioles might have been mathematically eliminated from the playoffs by the trade deadline. Oh well, maybe next year.

While the shear suckitude of the Orioles may be surprising in and of itself, when you put them in a division with the Yankees, Rays, and Red Sox, and then throw a decent Blue Jays team on top of it, well, we probably shouldn't be surprised. Against the AL East Baltimore is 10-35. That's a .222 winning percentage, which, over a full 162 game season, would put the Orioles record at 36-126. Yes, that would be a record.
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Don't Go To See A Game In Anaheim

My limited experience with Anaheim Stadium* hasn't been good.

* Or Angels Stadium or Angels of Anaheim Stadium In Los Angeles or Los Anaheim Angeles Angels Park-Stadium-Field Park or whatever the living F they're calling it today.

BMFS and I tried to see a game there a few years back. We had tickets and everything but, long story short, we got caught in traffic (shocker, I know) and didn't arrive until the fifth or sixth inning or maybe later I don't recall exactly. We were pissed off and hungry so we decided the Angels game could go screw. F it.

That was like a billionty-seven years ago. So I'm watching today's Red Sox/Angles game in LA* while doing other less productive things and I look up and there's a swarm of bees down just under the upper deck behind third base.

* Or Anaheim or L of Anaheim A blah blah blah

After a few minutes a camera man figured out where they were coming from. Took me a screenshot:


Doesn't look too bad, right? Look closer.



Those things are flying around pretty good. I don't know if they're bees or wasps or flying gamahooches, but I'm glad I'm not at that fucking game. One of 'em flew by Red Sox color guy Jerry Remy who described it as, "a 747."

As I'm writing this they came back from commercial with a shot, not of downtown LA, or the ocean, but of this:


Yuck. That's some gross ass shit. Remind me to never see a game out in Anaheim until I'm, uh, dead.

Update: Marco Scutaro just hit a grand slam to give the Sox a 7-3 lead. The Red Sox announcers almost missed it though due to bee attacks. Fernando Rodney walked three guys than gave up the grand salami, then walked another hitter, which prompted Mike Scioscia to emerge from the dugout to make the change. As they went to commercial we were treated to another beautiful shot of swarming bees.

I love LA!
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A Phone Booth Full of Cockroach Turds

or "First in the NHL, First in the NBA Draft, Last in Sanitation"

A fascinating report of pro sports venues' health inspection grades came out recently.

Among the findings of intrigue:

The crooked Chicago political machine is apparently still alive and well: no violations were reported at Wrigley, I'm-Still-Calling-It-New-Comiskey, or the United Center because the inspections are conducted when the venues are closed, no one is working, and no food or beverages are being prepared or served.

Only two venues had violations detected at every single vendor: Tropicana Field in St. Petersburg, Fla., which is an antiquated eyesore that looks like* part of a sewage treatment facility from Mars that crashed into a hillside, and Verizon Center in Washington, D.C. (aka "The Phone Booth"), which I've visited many times and always seemed well maintained. And it's only been open since December of 1997!

*And may, in fact, be part of a sewage treatment facility from Mars that crashed into a hillside.

Of course, it's probably fair to assume that most people who operate these shoddy purveyors of rodent hairs at The Phone Booth live in Washington, D.C., the legendary "city of Southern efficiency and Northern charm," or "the Land that Pride Forgot."

The venue I frequent most, uh, frequently -- American Airlines Center in Dallas -- scored a half-decent 40% incidence of violations. Reportedly, some violations were incurred for employees drinking on the job. Hey, that's just the way things are done here in Big D, man! Buy your bartender a shot!

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Tom Grieve: Born with a Plastic Spoon in His Mouth

Congratulations to the Texas Rangers Hall of Fame's most recent inductee, Tom Grieve (below, right). The Rangers have never won so much as a single playoff series, but their Hall of Fame now has a member who was featured in a Ramones video* manning a gigantic machine gun. Can your team make that claim? I thought not.


*The video is for a cover of The Who's "Substitute," which blasted over the PA system at the end of Grieve's induction ceremony, which struck nearly everyone on the Rangers twitterverse as inexplicably odd. Grieve's appearance in the video has been alluded to on their TV broadcasts numerous times, but no one started watching Rangers games on TV here until three weeks ago.

*Also appearing in this video are Lemmy Kilmister of Motorhead, White Zombie bassist Sean Yseult, and probably several other pseudocelebrities I don't recognize.

A first-round pick by the Washington Senators in 1966, Grieve played over 600 games at almost exactly replacement level for the Senators (1 year)/Rangers (6 years) in the '70s. In a wildly complicated four-team trade, the Rangers sent Grieve to the Mets in 1977; the same trade brought legendary hot-dog Willie Montanez (who would later play for the Rangers) to the Mets, Bert Blyleven to the Pirates, and Al Oliver to the Rangers. He would apparently make the aquaintance of the Ramones while sittin' there in Queens.*

*...Eatin' refried beans, we're in all the magazines, gulpin' down thorazines! We ain't got no friends, our troubles never end, no Christmas cards to send, Daddy likes men!

He was out of work as a player by age 31 and took a job in the Rangers' front office as -- get this -- Director of Group Sales. He later rose to the position of Director of Player Development and eventually become the Rangers' GM at age 36 in 1984. (Who says the hiring of young GMs is an exclusively recent phenomenon?) He acquired Julio Franco and Rafael Palmeiro in trades and Ivan Rodriguez, Juan Gonzalez, and Ruben Sierra via international free-agent signings. However, like every Rangers executive before or until current GM Jon Daniels, he was unable to cobble together a decent pitching staff, and moved to the broadcast booth in 1995, where he has been ever since.

Though I greatly enjoy his broadcasting work with Josh Lewin, it's not really arguable that Grieve has performed at a "Hall of Fame" level in any of his individual capacities with the Rangers -- and Grieve basically admitted as much in his induction speech, illustrating one of the reasons I like him at the microphone -- but it's exceedingly rare for one man to be affiliated, in such disparate capacities, with a single sports franchise for 43 years as Grieve has. (And he's only 62, so it's not as though this is a career capstone.)

Grieve is probably best known as the father of former AL Rookie of the Year Ben Grieve ("Hey, didn't you used to be Ben Grieve?"), and I thought it appropriate to devote just a smidge of space on ye olde InterNutz to the only person it's fair to refer to as "Mr. Ranger."

(Though, given the franchise's history of futility and abject irrelevance, I don't know that anyone would want to be known as "Mr. Ranger." I don't think Grieve much cares for the appellation, in fact.)

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Parents Who Play Fantasy Football Have Children Who Play Fantasy Football

So today I received an email from a friend of mine, who also happens to be the father of my 9-year-old son's best friend; the two boys are incredibly close and do all kinds of crap together: swim team, Pokemon stuff, video games, basketball etc. However, this email wasn't an invite to get the boys together to play or do anything that they usually do.

It was a ticket to commence the contortion of their sports viewing for the rest of their lives at the ripe old age of 9.

It was an invitation to join a fantasy football league composed of his classmates and their dads.

Fantasy football has taken up so much of my time an energy during the past decade or more of my NFL Sundays that I can't even count the hours. It's caused me to actually root against my favorite team at times so that a player on my freaking fantasy team might gain an extra 20 yards to push my imaginary squad to a victory.

And now we want to do this to our 4th graders before they're conscious enough of the NFL to even have a favorite team. (Well, I have at least brainwashed my son enough to know that he is NOT to root for the Cowboys. Ever.)

I can just see how draft day will go:

Commish: "Evan, with the first pick in the first annual father/son fantasy football draft, you choose...

Evan: "Arceus!"*

All dads: "AAAAAHHHHH!!!"

Then again, maybe it will give the kids reason to give a rip about the NFL this year and give them some good recess banter this fall.

*Arceus, known as the Alpha Pokémon, is a legendary Pokémon called the "The Original One" that shaped the universe with its one thousand arms.^[23] It has a white colored body, gray underside, a long mane, gold hooves, green eyes with red pupils, and has a large, golden wheel around its abdomen, connected by spikes filled with gems.

Really, New Jersey Devils? Seventeen Years For Kovalchuk? I Mean, Really?

"Really, NJ Devils? 17 years? What - were the Rangers offering 15 years and you wanted to make them look sane?"

There are probably upwards of a million people more qualified than I to offer an opinion on the kind of player Ilya Kovalchuk is. But this isn't really about hockey so much as it is about just doing something stupid. Really stupid. Straight up stupid. Penis-in-the-garbage-disposal stupid.

According to the Associated Press (via The Washington Post):

Ilya Kovalchuk is staying with the New Jersey Devils, agreeing to a staggering 17-year, $102 million deal with the team.

Staggering is putting it lightly. "Penis-in-the-garbage-disposal stupid" is more accurate and has the added benefit of being funnier.

I've been hunting around on these old interwebs trying to find a longer contract since I read about this and, holy crap, I actually found one. After the 1980-81 NBA season, the LA Lakers signed Magic Johnson to a $25 million, 25 year contract. That contract, by the way, expired four years ago.

In hockey, Rick Dipietro's 15 year contract (for $67.5 million) signed in September, 2006, was the longest in history. That contract will expire in 2021 when Dipietro is 40 years old.

DiPietro's contract was stupid, but Kovalchuk will be 27 next year, so his contract will expire when he's 43. But don't worry, Devils fans, lots of good goal scores keep scoring goals well into their 50s. Come to think about it - maybe you guys should offer him an extension right now!

Is Ilya Kovalchuk going to break the all time scoring record? Apparently the Devils think so. If Kovalchuk scores 40 goals a season through the length of his contract, he'll end up with 1,018 goals, which will eclipse Wayne Gretzky by 124 goals. It would also beat Gretzky's record of most goals scored including the playoffs, by two goals.

Nobody can see the future, but we can look at the past and take educated guesses, and those guesses can help guide our decisions so we don't totally fuck ourselves later on. The Devils have decidedly not done this. The chances of Kovalchuk being a top player in ten years are decent (I guess? Snizza? BMFS?). But, even if he's only slowed down a bit when he's 37 years old, he'll still have seven more years left on his deal. Is it wise to give a 37 year old a seven year contract? I would wager no.

For this deal to be successful for New Jersey, the following must occur:

1. Kovalchuk must be a productive player long past when most players decline out of the league.

2. Kovalchuk won't get seriously injured.

3. Kovalchuk won't suffer any serious downturn in performance.

4. Kovalchuk won't get complacent after signing such a long term contract.

And, maybe most importantly...

5. The NHL will continue to operate as it has financially speaking since the lockout.

Its this last one that is really daunting because its literally impossible to predict what the fiscal realities of the NHL will be in ten years, let alone seventeen.

Even though its stupid, assume everything stays the same as last year in the NHL for the next seventeen years. Last year's NHL salary cap was $56.8 million. Kovalchuk's salary cap hit will be $6 million a year, according to the AP article sited above, meaning the Devils have just spent ten percent of their cap space for the next seventeen years.

Kovalchuk is a premium player, but now with this contract, he's going to have to remain one long past the point when most players of his skill level decline. If he gets hurt, or declines earlier, the Devils are in trouble.
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Some Random Thoughts On Fenway Park

"Whaddaya mean dere's no Cheesecake Factory in dis ting?"

I'll like to take a moment to point out the Boston Globe's Peter Abraham who wrote, in a post entitled, "Some Random Thoughts...":

The Sox have done a wonderful job fixing up Fenway Park. But when you see places like AT&T Park and Safeco Field, you can't help but wonder when New Englanders will get a place like that they can call their own.

I guess in some ways Fenway Park isn't that great. Its small. The seats are small, the corridors are small, and the capacity is the smallest in the major leagues which leads to the highest ticket prices. The space allocated to sportswriters in Fenway is probably one tenth the size as in AT&T or Safeco if that. I know the player's clubhouses are notoriously small, especially the visitors. I know the Red Sox themselves didn't have a batting cage until recently.

But none of that is the point. When you go to a game at Fenway its impossible to escape the sense of history in the place. Ted Williams played there. Cy Young. Babe Ruth played there when he was a pitcher. The park opened the week the Titanic sunk in 1912. The damn place drips with history.

I've been to both Safeco Field and AT&T Park as well as a number of the newer parks, and they're all wonderful places to take in a ball game. Its hard to top Camden Yards and I hear PNC Park in Pittsburgh is a wonderful place too, but none of those places has the history of Fenway (or Wrigley). None of them has the ambiance of the ivy covered outfield wall or the Green Monster. Maybe in time some of them will. Maybe. But they don't now.

To me at least, Fenway (and Wrigley) are irreplaceable. Now that Yankee Stadium is a parking lot, they are the only parks still in use built before the 1960s. Know the oldest major league park still in use after Fenway and Wrigley? Dodger Stadium, which opened in 1962. That's fifty years after Fenway opened. After that (and I had to look this up) the A's Oakland Coliseum, which hosted its first baseball game in 1968, but was a football stadium before that.

Every real baseball fan wants to see a game at Fenway because its a living baseball museum. Nobody talks about catching a game at Minute Maid Park before they die, or being sure to take a tour of Citizens Bank Park when they come to Philadelphia. Not that these are bad places to see a game because they aren't. But its not the same thing.

Maybe when you work at Fenway or Wrigley every day the history of the place washes off you after a while and you're left with a cramped and uncomfortable workplace. So if Abraham is coming at it from that point of view, I understand. But gimme Fenway Park over AT&T or Safeco or any new park for that matter. Its not even close. The fact that Fenway Park has been sold out for going on ten seasons says that New England feels the same way.
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Ruben Amaro, Jr. Made A Very Bad Trade

Last off season, believing he had enough pitching, Phillies GM Ruben Amaro, Jr. traded one of the best starting pitchers in the major leagues to Seattle for three A ballers. At the time, many of us who spend too much time in our mom's basement eating pudding were dumbfounded. "You did what? What are you? Stupid?! Mmm... this is delicious pudding!"

Since the trade went down, Amaro, Jr. has endlessly defended the deal. So have many Phillie fans, in about the same way a kid defends his drunken dad who hits him. So I was a bit surprised to see this quote from Amaro, Jr. in today's Philadelphia Inquirer (via Hardball Talk):

I think two guys got moved last year - Lee and Washburn. I don't expect that much to happen this year, either. Do we have to have another pitcher? No. Would I like to add some pitching? Yeah. I think we need to get healthy. I think we're getting closer.

Its the fifth and sixth sentences in there that get me. "Would I like to add some pitching? Yeah." Hey genius, you had pitching, but you traded it! I guess he should be glad Seattle didn't flip Lee to the Mets or Braves. Give thanks for small favors.

It was a horrible trade at the time, and given the way the Phillies season has gone, it only looks worse. If you don't believe me, ask yourself this question. If you were the Phillies, would you make that deal now? Of course not. Not in a million years.

The Phillies, the two time defending NL Champs, may miss the playoffs and if they do it likely will be largely because of Amaro, Jr.'s Cliff Lee give-away. I'm not sure if it was hubris or stupidity, or some other factor, but so far this deal stands alone as possibly the most self-defeating trade I can remember.

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I know what the Flyers did last Summer, er, Fall

Yeah, look at what the Flyers did indeed... and what the Stars ought to do post haste.

Peter Laviolette, the coach who righted the Flyers' sinking ship last Fall, was unemployed as a coach and working as an analyst on Canadian TV -- couldn't even find work in his own country! -- at the time the Stars hired Marc Crawford.

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C'mon Jackie, That's Not Funny!

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Nerding It Out: What Is Wrong With John Lackey?

Its not often I write negative things about the Boston Red Sox. That's mostly because I think they're about the best run pro sports organization there is. They're incredibly smart, hungry for all types of information, and they spend lots of money getting the best players. However - you knew there was gonna be one of those - after a half season its time to wonder if the Red Sox just made an $82 million mistake in signing John Lackey.

Lackey came to Boston in the off season on a five year deal from the Angels where he'd had what must be called a very successful career. In eight seasons in Anaheim Lackey was 102-71 with a 3.81 ERA. Lackey also has a 3.12 post season ERA and started and won game seven of the 2002 World Series.

The last few seasons in Anaheim Lackey struggled with injuries. After throwing at least 198 innings for five consecutive seasons, Lackey hit the DL in '08 and '09 for significant stretches of time. But when he did pitch he was the same old effective Lackey.

Brought in to be the third co-ace of the Red Sox staff alongside Jon Lester and Josh Beckett, things haven't quite worked out for Lackey this season. While he is 9-5, his ERA has leaped to a below league average 4.78. He is on pace to walk more and strike out fewer hitters than ever before. Through 113 innings this season, Lackey has 68 Ks and 46 BBs.

To put those stats into a career context, Lackey has never averaged fewer than 6.53 strike outs per nine innings pitched (K/9). This year he is averaging less than 5.5. Here's a graph showing Lackey's K/9 through his career.


As you can see, his strikeouts are trending in a bad direction and so are his walks. In his career he's never given up more than 3.06 walks per 9 (BB/9). This year he's at 3.66.


The end result - he's walking more hitters and striking out far fewer hitters - means he's hasn't been a very effective pitcher. Lackey's BABIP this year is .330, on the high side but not so much so that you'd say he's had bad luck. Nope, Lackey has been lousy and he's been lousy all on his own.

So, what's so different about this year than last year, or for that matter, any of the other nine successful years in his career? To find out the answer, I turn to PitchFx data.

PitchFx data is like a baseball nerd's wet dream. What if you could find out exactly how fast Walter Johnson's fastball was and compare it, year by year or even start by start, to Sandy Koufax's? Or what if we knew not only how fast Bob Feller's fastball really was, but how far it dropped and we could compare that with Bob Gibsons? Or, what if we could actually chart with precision Bert Blyleven's curveball, how far it broke, how fast it was, and whether or not it had horizontal movement as well as vertical? Well, we can't do any of that because PitchFx didn't exist until a few years ago, but I can get all that information and more on John Lackey. (NGA NGA NGA?)

PitchFx data goes back to 2007, so that's all we have to go by. Still, there are some interesting points to be made if you can handle a few more numbers. Lackey's fastball velocity in '07, '08, and '09 was 91.3 mph, 91.1, and 91.6, respectively. There is some consistency in those numbers. This year, his velocity is 90.5 mph. That's a loss of about one mph, which, plainly put, is probably not good, but could be the result of small sample size.

PitchFx can also show us how frequently a pitcher throws his pitches. For instance, in 2007, Lackey threw his fastball 59.2% of the time. In 2008 it was exactly the same, 59.2%. In 2009 it dropped to 51.1%. This year John Lackey is throwing his fastball 19% of the time. That can't be right, can it? PitchFx says he's throwing his curveball about the same amount as he always does, and he's throwing his slider and change up about the same as well. The difference is PitchFx has 36.7% of his pitches as cutters, or cut fastballs. In '07 only 2% of Lackey's pitches were cutters. In '08 it was 0.8% and in '09 it was 2.7%. This year its 36.7%. That is a huge jump.

Such a huge jump in fact, that its shocking I haven't read stories in the Boston Globe about Lackey adding a new pitch. A Google search for "Lackey cutter" revealed only one article, from a well known Red Sox blog called FireBrand. The article was written back on April 8th of this year after Lackey's first start of the season, but it does contain an interesting few sentences that are worth repeating here.

[Throwing the cutter much more frequently] worked for him last night, but it’s interesting to note there was not much evidence before tonight that this would be a good thing for Lackey. His pitch run values per hundred pitches for the cutter was -0.43.

Without getting into a bunch of statistics I can't claim to totally understand, pitch run values are, at least on their face, expressions of how valuable a pitcher's specific pitch type is. For example, in '08, Lackey's curveball was worth 2.66 runs per 100 pitches (I'm assuming that means "runs saved."). I can't find a specific definition, but it seems that 2.66 is pretty good. For some context I looked up Mariano Rivera. Rivera's cutter in the same year was worth 3.18 runs per 100 pitches, which should give you some idea of scale.

This season, John Lackey's cutter has been worth -54.46 runs per 100 pitches. I'm going to write that out so that there is no confusion: Negative fifty four point four six runs per one hundred pitches.

I can't tell you what that means specifically, but generally speaking it means John Lackey's cutter is a terrible pitch. An awful horrible tremendously crappy pitch. And Lackey has decided to take this awful horrible tremendously crappy pitch and throw it 1,359% more often.

These numbers are very stark and for that reason it makes me wonder if they are wrong. Maybe Lackey hasn't started throwing his cutter that much. Maybe Lackey's lost velocity is fooling PitchFx into thinking he's throwing his cutter more (this was brought up by The Joy of Sox in an email to the blog Red Sox Monster). The only potential issue with that is the big difference (relatively speaking) in horizontal movement between the fastball and the cutter.

The shocking disparity in the results from a pitcher who up until this season had been very consistent leads me to believe something is afoot. Lackey could be hiding an injury, which would explain why he's altered his arsenal and/or lost some speed on his fastball.

It would be interesting to know if Lackey has been throwing a new pitch. Someone in the media with access to Lackey should bring the subject up with him. If he is then he should know it isn't working. If he isn't then there may be bigger problems.

If the lost velocity on the fastball isn't the result of a specific injury, and instead has come from the wear and tear of throwing 1,600+ innings in the big leagues then Red Sox, on the hook for about $73 million over the next four and a half seasons, are in deep trouble.

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LeBron James – Now Public Enemy Number One in Sports

Good luck playing with D-Wade, CB4 and 9 members of the Dade County Wheelchair Basketball League.

When all is said and done:

LeBron James and the Heat will not win a single title.

The laughter from Kobe's house in LA is deafening.

Jim Gray: "So LeBron, do you think you can still live in Akron?"

FUCK NO! I bet the moving truck is pulling out of his driveway as we watch this. I can't wait to see the live shots of Shelley Smith in the bar in Cleveland.

Byron Scott is officially on suicide watch.

That was literally nauseating.

9:27 PM EST

The Vitamin Water is properly placed. Jim Gray is asking the obvious questions: “So LeBron, what's been going on this summer?”

Hilarious fuckNutz. Ask THE QUESTION!

Blah blah...”What did you expect LeBron? The billboards...the signs...the crowds...”

ASK. THE. QUESTION!!!!

“How many people know your decision?”

(OK, you're already 15 minutes late in announcing it! On with it!)

I think he's staying in Cleveland.

More stalling by Gray...hurray up and announce the decision so you still have half an hour to apologize to the fans of the cities you've jilted.

This feels way too scripted.

HERE WE GO.....

MIAMI!!!!

And we just heard a city die.

9:22 PM EST

I feel like the biggest sucker ever for getting caught up in this shit. Now I know why legions of dorks get caught up in American Idol and The Bachelor....

The panel brings up the fact that LeBron doesn't look happy, which would seem to point to him stressing about shitting on Cleveland.

But first, before we get a decision, Stu Scott narrates yet another montage of LeBron dunking...and we'll be back after these messages...Fuck! This is worse than The Bachelor how they're shoehorning more commercials in here.

What was the last public appearance Jim Gray made?

The Decision is next...

9:09 PM EST

A close up shot of LeBron getting ready to talk to Jim Gray. He looks very fidgety and nervous, which is obviously expected of a guy that is about to take a dump on the state of Ohio and cause Akron and Cleveland to slide in to decades of despair.

Jon Barry and Chris Broussard both say that the Chicago Bulls are the best fit, basketball-wise, for LeBron (keep covering your ass Broussard) but the overall vibe of the ESPN panel is the he's gone to Miami.

Now we get Photoshopped images of LBJ I the jerseys of Cleveland, Miami, New York, Chicago and New Jersey. Hey! Where's the Clippers jersey??!! Holy shit I'd laugh my ass off if somehow James chose to go head-to-head with Kobe in LA.

Our first Boys & Girls Club ad...followed by LeBron's Vitamin Water ad, which they changed to read “decision water.” Ugh...

8:59 PM EST

We get a shot of LeBron using young kids from the Greenwich Boys & Girls Club as a shield from Cleveland assassins. The King is typically under dressed in a pair of black jeans and a red and white striped shirt with no jacket or tie.

Stu Scott lets us know that “His decision is coming up next!”

The narrator leaves out the part about “His decision will render a franchise irrelevant and cause LeBron James to be despised by 29 other NBA cities!”

Chris Broussard is sitting nervously on the panel sticking to his “LeBron is going to Miami” opinion, but for the first time in days backtracks a little and says “But with so many twists and turns you can't rule out Cleveland, Chicago or New York.” (Translation: “I ain't no Screamin' A and I ain't falling on my sword for this shit.”)

8:43 PM EST

It's finally here. The way that ESPN is bouncing from city to city on SportsCenter, taking the pulse of locals, feels a lot like New Year's Eve coverage during Y2K. As if a global event is about to go down. Crazy. It's incredible how LeBron has managed to control the media like a puppet master over the past week; somehow the King James camp has reporters from ESPN to NPR trying to read the tea leaves correctly and guess where James will end up. And he's done it all without a single leak from his people. If only the U.S. Military could run such a tight ship.

Brian Windhorst, the longtime Cavs beat writer from the Cleveland Plain Dealer, likened LeBron's departure form Cleveland to a nuclear bomb being dropped on the city. The franchise will be decimated and local businesses will take a massive hit. The city may never recover.

What began as a story about a local boy being the savior and the chosen one to heal Cleveland's collection of legendary sports wounds may ironically turn in to the biggest tragedy of all. The kid from Akron could end up wiping out generations of basketball fans.

We'll find out in about 20 minutes....

Five Things I Hope Happen Before 9:00 PM EST

I would love nothing more than for LeBron's self-indulgent infomercial to get preempted by some unforeseen sports story. "Uh, sorry Mr. King sir, but we've been kicked to the curb by a story that wasn't completely canned and manipulative. Hey, at least you're on Twitter now. You can reveal your decision there."

Fuck you LeBron you sissylicker.

So here we go. Five headlines that will kick LeNutz in the nards and cause Maverick Carter's marketing firm to go down in flames:

5. Tom Hicks is found dead hanging from the High Five overpass in North Dallas by his dong with Dallas Stars and Texas Rangers jerseys shoved down his throat.

4. A drunken, belligerent Brett Favre is taken to jail after fighting with Mississippi state troopers who pulled him over for drunk driving on his lawn tractor while wearing full Viking regalia and chanting "One more year! One more year!"

3. Jose Canseco releases a statement that he has been supplying Tiger Woods with PEDs for years and in fact, shot Tiger in the butt with a combination of HGH and GHB on several occasions.

2. A naked Peyton Manning is found unconscious in a 9th Ward gutter in Houston with purple cough syrup and codeine drool all over his clothing and face. While wearing a Dallas Cowboys jersey.

1. Michael Vick leads scores of Pennsylvania Highway Patrol cars on a medium speed chase around the state's highways after fleeing a suburban Philadelphia warehouse. After weeks of undercover investigation, officers uncovered his Man/Dog Love Bordello and approached Vick with a warrant for his arrest. As he jumped in to his Hummer, Vick could be heard screaming, "What do you want from me?! I ain't hurting the dogs anymore! They told me they like it!" The entire chase will be carried on live television from 7:00-11:00 PM EST, thus completely wiping out all things LeBron.

And hey, if LeBron trips on the steps to the podium and his knees explode out of his eye sockets, that wouldn't bee too bad either.

How to Go From Global Icon to The Most Hated Man in the NBA

For a player with such skill, grace and power, LeBron James sure has become more like a self-absorbed high school girl these days than an All-World basketball star. In fact, James and his fellow unrestricted free agents Dwyane Wade, Chris Bosh, Joe Johnson and Amar'e Stoudemire will forever be linked as the click that pretended to control the fortunes of the entire NBA in the summer of 2010. Call them The Hoopster Heathers.

And like Shannen Doherty, aka Heather #1, King James will be despised by a large portion of the public from now on. The fact that he waited for all of the other FA's to announce their franchise destinations – Johnson remained in Atlanta, Stoudemire to the Knicks, Bosh and Wade to Miami – while he remained quiet and made sure we all knew who was truly the Lord and Master of All Free Agency has been a massive turn off for many. Especially for a player who hasn't won anything, team-wise, in the NBA in his seven-year career and most recently laid an egg in the playoffs against the Boston Celtics.

Last night, I said to a friend of mine that if LeBron pulls the old “place a hat from each potential suitor in front of him then dons the cap of the team he has chosen” trick as if he were a highly touted high school football player, then I will officially wish failure on the rest of James' career (unless he somehow ends up on the Mavericks, of course). Well, within minutes of those words exiting my mouth, on the ESPN news crawler, fittingly in the “LeBron James” category, I read the following: “LeBron James to announce his decision during an hour-long special on ESPN Thursday at 7 PM.”

That's it. I'd had it. King James had pushed his demands for attention too far. Karma is gonna get him. Whatever team he ends up on will have a clock ticking until it goes down in flames. James will also instantly become a lifetime recipient of boos from the “Jilted Four” crowds; only one from the list of New York, New Jersey, Los Angeles, Miami and Cleveland will get James, the other four will hate him forever.

For years, James has publicly stated that he wants to be a global icon and the biggest star in the world. In a matter of days, he's caused his image to begin taking on water. He doesn't carry any of the legal or moral baggage that causes fans to turn on players, but his arrogance and snobbery during this free agent process won't soon be forgotten.

Outspoken Orlando Magic head coach Stan Van Gundy said it best when asked about “The Decision”, the title of the ESPN special, “It takes 15 seconds to say, ‘I’ve decided to stay in Cleveland,’ but we’ve got another 59 minutes and 45 seconds to, what? Promote LeBron James? As if we don’t do that enough.”

“You don’t hear Kobe Bryant and certainly not Kevin Durant talking about their brand. They don’t. I don’t hear those guys talking about their brand, they’re simply basketball players who want to be great players and win games. Not that those other guys aren’t great players and don’t want to win games. They do, but there’s also more to it. It’s not what I like.”

Me either.

In the same evening that the James special was announced, we discovered that Oklahoma City Thunder forward and First Team All NBA superstar Kevin Durant had inked a five-year, $86 million dollar contract extension. There was no fanfare or buildup prior to the announcement. In fact, the only thing we've been consistently hearing from Durant these days came from his Tweeting about his support for the Thunder summer league squad and his young new teammates.

Now that's a player to root for.

LeBron James Puts America's Panties In Collective Bunch

I don't write about basketball much because, well, I don't like it. But the LeBron James Free Agency Gravytrain has the sport world's collective nards in its slimy lesioned tentacles and is slowly squeezing the life out of them.

Where will he go? Back home to Cleveland? To the bright lights big city of New York? To the bright lights big parking lots of New Jersey? Not hot enough for you, LeBron? Well, how bout we take a trip south to beautiful Miami, where the temperature with humidity feels like being repeatedly slapped in the face with a cod.

Our panties are in such a collective bunch that ESPN, never one to shy away from shame or idiocy or bunching panties, has somehow got LeBron to agree to announce his intentions on live television TOMORROW!! HOLY FUCKING SHIT!!! Lube up your dong, America, but better fire up the ol' Tivo too 'cause he's only going to say it once and if you expect to achieve a lasting shangri la you'll probably have to rewind it at least three times (only twice with your finger up your butt). Unless Stuart Scott's lazy eye does it for you, in which case, you probably don't even give a shit about LeBron.

When a baseball, hockey or football player signs with someone as a free agent its always about the money. Sure, sometimes its about other things too, like being closer to family, or winning, but those are smaller factors. Its 99.5% about the money. The strange thing about this, at least from the point of view of a non-NBA fan such as myself, is that this isn't about money. Oh, there will be enough money for a Scrooge McDuck money diving room no matter what, but the NBA's arcane salary regulations limit LeBron's earning power. He can't make any more money by signing with New York than he can by signing in Miami or New Jersey (I'm aware he can make more by staying Cleveland, but the AAV is the same).

So it comes down to where does LeBron want to play? The Knicks play in New York and as far as I'm aware they're as incompetently run as my Redskins or *gasp* the Mets. The Nets almost play in New York, so they've got that going for them, which is nice. Hey, maybe LeBron has a thing for strip malls and expensive real estate with a view of strip malls. Oh, wait! The Nets are moving to Brooklyn! I totally forgot. Maybe they'll change their name to the Dodgers and then someone will give a shit.

Miami, now with Chris Bosh and Dwayne Wade already in the fold seems like a good bet at least as far as winning goes. But then there is Cleveland, standing in the corner of the dance floor looking awkwardly at its shoes. What is Cleveland's sales pitch? Fame? Fortune? Immortality? No, none of those things. Cleveland is saying to LeBron,

If you sign with someone else Art Modell will fall to second place on our all time shit list. If you sign with someone else, we'll do unspeakable things to your pets. We'll Captain Morganize every picture of you in the city. We'll move your possessions including your house to the bottom of Lake Erie and we'll divert money from inner city schools to pay for it. We'll rename the Cleveland Steamer in your honor, and upon your return to the city, we'll shove the Key to the City so far up ...

So, in a nutshell, here are LeBron's choices:

1. New York - Be the biggest star in the Greatest City In The World
Chances of winning a Championship in next 5 years with LeBron: 20%

2. Miami - Win NBA Championships while seeing more tits than you can shake a tit at
Chances of winning a Championship in next 5 years with LeBron: 100%

3. New Jersey - Are you fucking serious? Fuck off, you fucking fuck.
Chances of winning a Championship in next 5 years with LeBron: 10%

4. Cleveland - Please. We beg of you. Please. *cue crying*
Chances of winning a Championship in next 5 years with LeBron: 0% (not because the team is bad but because there's no way in hell LeBron resigns there)

Tune into ESPN tomorrow to find out, America. Me? I'll be watching reruns of Frasier.

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Cliff Lee To Phillies Again?

Headline on Foxsports.com, July 3, 2010

You have to give Ruben Amaro, Jr. credit. It takes big balls to go after a guy you just traded less than a year ago. Actually, its more than just Amaro's trade of Lee. Its that he traded Lee for pennies on the dollar while getting nothing that will benefit the major league club for years in return, a club that, you may recall, is trying to win the National League for a third straight year.

Either that or he's a stone cold idiot, but I'm going to go with the big balls thing for now.

Ken Rosenthal's report today that the Phillies are interested in trading for Cliff Lee again is an accidental admission that Amaro screwed up this past off season when he traded Lee in the first place.

Here's what I wrote about the Lee trade about a week or so after it happened:

[E]ither Amaro had no plan and grabbing Halladay which prompted getting rid of Lee was a seat-of-the-pants maneuver, or he screwed up. A team trying to win now with the collection of talent the Phillies have on the field at the peak of their physical abilities almost never makes trades like the Lee trade.

I shouldn't have said "almost" in that last sentence.

Anyway, here's why you don't trade Cliff Lee: the Phillies pitching this season without Lee (and with Halladay) has actually been better (slightly) as a staff than they were last season. Impressive, right? Here's the problem: the Phillies offense has been markedly worse. Last season the Phillies scored 5.1 runs per game, this season its down to 4.7. The former is a pace for 826 runs, good for a National League team. The latter is a pace for 761, mediocre for a National League team, and with the injuries the Phillies are going through now the likelihood is that that number drops further.

So why does that prove that the Phils should've kept Lee? To put it into cliche, because you never know. Trading Cliff Lee for three minor leaguers was akin to saying the Phillies had enough to win the division and, I suppose, the World Series without him.

Now that that is proving to be wrong, Amaro is back on the Lee hunt again. I guess it speaks well of Amaro that he is willing to put aside his pride to do what's right for the team. Maybe more importantly, it speaks badly of him that he has to do that at all.

If the Phillies do end up acquiring Lee, they'll almost surely do so at the expense of more than they received for trading him last winter. At which point Amaro will have cost himself not only prospects and money but games in the standings.

If he isn't successful in trading for Lee, Amaro better hope it isn't a team in direct competition with him that gets him. That could cost him even more than money, prospects or games, it could cost him his job.
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Drop "Wizards", But Don't Bring Back "Bullets"

The best team names come organically from the local community. They may not be menacing - not everyone can be the Tigers - but they have either a historical or community foundation. In short, they make sense.

The Baltimore Orioles for instance, are named after an actual bird called, not coincidentally, the Baltimore Oriole. The Texas Rangers name comes from the state wide law enforcement agency, with the added bonus that the name alludes to the state's old west history. These are successful names; names that invoke the local community and/or its history.

Some team names made sense in the context of their original locale, but then the franchise moved and we're left with something strange that only makes sense with some historical background. The LA Lakers, for example. To my knowledge there aren't many lakes in the Los Angeles area, not enough to constitute naming the local basketball team after anyway. But when you know that the Lakers moved from Minneapolis, Minnesota, the land of 10,000 lakes (and, in reality, far more than that) it starts to make sense.

Other team names don't make a damn bit of sense, or if they do, they're just dumb. The Toronto Raptors fall into the former category while the Miami Heat fit the latter (why is oppressive heat something that the locals should be proud of?).

In 1963 the Chicago Zephyrs moved to Baltimore. When they did, they dropped the name Zephyrs and became the Baltimore Bullets, presumably named after the old American Basketball League team of the late 1940s. That first iteration of Baltimore Bullets was named after, if you can believe it, a local athletic shoe company's shoes (the Bata Bullet). Ten years later (1973) the franchise moved again, this time to Washington DC. For a season they were the Capital Bullets, then the Washington Bullets.

In 1995 owner Abe Pollin, sick over the assassination of his friend Israeli prime minister Yitzhak Rabin, decided the name Bullets was too violent so the name must be changed. Fans were invited to write and call the team to suggest names (this is in the age before the internet). The team whittled a list of thousands down to five possibles: The Dragons, The Express, The Stallions, The Sea Dogs, and The Wizards.

Fans were, again, invited to vote on which they liked best. Wizards was said to be the winner but the results were never released. Looking over that list, not one of those names has anything to do with Washington DC or the local area. I guess you could make a case for Stallions as there are a number of horse farms in and around the DC area, but not so much that you'd name the local basketball team after them. Beyond that you've got two KKK references (don't think that was lost on the DC chapter of the NAACP), an adjective, and two total inanities. The Sea Dogs? What the hell relevance does that have? Why not just call them the Mountaineers, or The Islanders, or how about the Polar Bears?

So here's the part where I, like lots of other native Washingtonians, ask new Wizards owner Ted Leonsis to drop the name Wizards and reinstate the old name, Bullets. Except, after looking into it for this POOOST!!!, I don't see the relevance in Bullets either.

Don't get me wrong, the name Wizards is completely retarded, and if anything, more offensive than Bullets; it absolutely has to go. Can't happen fast enough. But, in its place should be a name that bears some relation to Washington DC. Washington DC certainly is a place with a personality. The Federal government is there, there is history out the pooper, you can't swing your dong around without banging it into some important monument or building. It shouldn't be that damn difficult to name the sports franchise with some local relevance. Off the top of my head, I suggest one of the following:

The Senators
The Federals
The Patriots
The Kings (after MLK)
The Americans

Sure, some of those are already in use by other franchises in other sports, but so what? All at least pertain to Washington DC. Wizards does not, and neither does Bullets.
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Not Again: Sox DL Get'n All Crazy Up In This Piece

Maxim can lick my nuts

Despite all the happenings on the NHL and NBA free agency front plus Rangers owner Tom Hicks hilarious run-ins with Photoshop, I wouldn't want you to miss a moment of the Red Sox ultra-exciting injury situation! As they say in Texas, "Ye-HAW!! Now please take that boot outta my rectum.*"

*Rectum? I nearly killed 'em! HA!

Since I wrote about it a scant two days ago, two more Red Sox players have hit the DL. Catcher Jason Varitek, the nominal starter with actual starter Victor Martinez on the shelf for 4 weeks, is now on the shelf hisself for 6-8 weeks with a broken soul. Foot. Sorry, a broken foot. The broken soul is mine.

This re-opens the Kevin Cash era in Boston because that worked so well the first time. For the parade route, open your hymnals to page 18.

In truth, Cash is an upgrade over Gustavo Molina and his -18 OPS+*. At least Cash's OPS+ is, uh, plus.

*I think I understand OPS+ pretty well. OPS is the simple addition of on-base percentage and slugging percentage. OPS+ averages a player's OPS with the league. So, for example, a guy with an OPS+ of 100 is average. An OPS+ of 101 is 1% above average, an OPS+ of 99 is 1% below average. An OPS+ of 90 is 10% below average. This ain't rocket science, right? Where I lose it though is when we get to Molina, who has a -18 OPS+. Um, huh? How can you be negative one hundred and eighteen percent below average?

To make matters worse, just before Varitek broke his foot, starting shortstop Marco Scutaro was shot and killed by his Cat, Dr. Winkles. Said Dr. Winkles in a statement, "No ham, no Marco. I shoot him in the head." Actually, no, that didn't happen (yet - but watch out, Dr. Winkles is an f'n maniac!). What did happen was the Sox lost reliever Manny Delcarmen to the DL with a sore forearm, which hopefully won't be the precursor to a second Tommy Wright surgery. Wait, no. Sorry, Tommy John surgery. Tommy Wright surgery involves more pizza.

Speaking of pizza, Delcarmen has been eating it (shit, not pizza) for a few weeks now, possibly because of the injury, possibly not, so its unlikely he'll be missed, though he is a heck of a conversationalist. Varitek was the only above replacement catcher left in the entire Red Sox system not already on the DL, so he'll be missed very much, but what the shit can the Sox do about this? Players are dropping like Michael Spinks at a showing of The Hangover.*

*Trying too hard? Should I have said "dropping like Michael Spinks in the frozen chicken section?" or maybe just dropped the whole Michael Spinks thing and gone with something else. Something less than 25 years old perhaps....

Maybe the Sox should try looking on the bright side of things... While the Yankees may be wearing slimming pinstripes, they're still a bunch of super-geigh wine cooler drinking poop-eaters, the Rays are too busy sucking (and punching themselves in the dugout) to take advantage, and the Rangers are somehow still owned by Tom Hicks.

Nothing like the truth to make the hurt go away, eh?
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Not-News Flash: Tom Hicks Is a Boil on the Ass of Progress

(We'll start with a parenthetical aside: I just did a Google image search for "Tom Hicks," and when I switched SafeSearch from "moderate" to "off", 1000 additional results appeared. That's probably a bad sign; 1000 locales throughout the InterNutz apparently feature R-rated PhotoShop hacks of Tom Hicks. He's richly deserving of the nosedive in Q-rating, the godforsaken ogre.)

Yesterday the tied-up-in-bankruptcy-court Texas Rangers acquired Bengie Molina from the San Francisco Giants for reliever Chris Ray and minor-league pitcher Michael Main, a former first-round pick.

(Yep, I just saw some image of Tom Hicks that includes a male ass...)

The Rangers' expected catchers this year -- Jarrod Saltalamacchia and Taylor Teagarden -- both face-planted spectacularly, with the latter completely unable to hit major-league pitching and the former unable to even throw the ball back to the pitcher accurately.

Max Ramirez and Matt Treanor, the Rangers' default catchers, leave something to be desired, but they haven't exactly hamstrung the team. They're in first place by four and a half games, after all -- that's the biggest division lead in the Majors.

In the words of Keith Law, "I wouldn't trade Michael Main for Bengie Molina straight up, even if my alternative at catcher was a pointed stick."

So this is what a high-ceiling double-A starter and an effective bullpen arm gets you? A half-season rental of Bengie Goddamn Molina?

Only if your baseball team is owned by that failed robber-baron Tom Hicks. Otherwise, it'd have been Ray for Molina, which strikes me as a pretty fair deal.

"I am not a crook! However, I have been known to lie on occasion."

Because Hicks has run his own personal finances into a ditch that's grown large enough to engulf the Rangers and Dallas Stars, GM Jon Daniels had to throw Main into the deal for the Giants to give up $2M to cover part of Molina's salary for the rest of this season. This is a disgrace.

Molina is a slop-hacking OBP sinkhole who will bat 8th in the Rangers lineup, the same place their existing catchers bat. Because of his categoric refusal to accept a base on balls and the worst baserunning skills in the past 20 years of Major League Baseball, his offensive contribution is actually worse than that of Max Ramirez. Molina has a good reputation defensively (where Ramirez is barely adequate), but he's almost totally lost the ability to control the opposition's running game in the past year and a half, and so far this season, he's not hitting home runs either.

So, to sum up, he is of very little value in functional terms. Yet the Giants still got a potential no. 2/3 starter and a functional reliever for him.

Ray came to Arlington, along with a player to be named later, from Baltimore in exchange for Kevin Millwood. Ultimately, in exchange for Millwood, the Rangers received a 25-year-old double-A reliever, a half season of Bengie Molina, $2M with which to remunerate Molina for said half-season, and a smoking crater where one of their best pitching prospects used to be.

For as long as anyone remembers this trade -- and if Main pans out, it'll be decades -- it's going to look as though Jon Daniels got taken to the cleaners by the rapidly calcifying remains of Ned Colletti. But until Tom Hicks is put out to pasture, Daniels is playing a game he can't win.

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June 16, 2011

Dallas, TX – Raise the banner: Mission Accomplished.

By the time the final horn sounded and our Dallas Mavericks had finally won the franchise's first NBA title – a title that seemed like a foregone conclusion the way this team steamrolled through the regular season – there was no shortage of emotion or celebration. The Mavs' 105-96 win in game 6 against the Orlando Magic launched this city in to a party that won't stop for weeks and delivered a professional sports title to Big D for the first time in 12 years.

LeBron James skipped around the court, holding the game ball like a schoolboy. He jumped on the scorers table, and barely visible through the downpour of blue and silver streamers that endlessly fell from the American Airlines Center's rafters, repeatedly proclaimed, “This is MY house! I did it! I did it!”

Like the Mavs, King James, who was brought here a mere 11 months ago to join Dirk Nowitzki in a quest for a title, had reached the NBA pinnacle for the first time after years of doubt and lesser rosters.

And what can we say about Dirk? Has anyone, on any team, in any league, deserved a title like the Überman? He stuck with the Mavs for more than a dozen years to bring a title to the team that drafted him. He had the ability to leave last summer when he opted out of his contract, but instead remained loyal – and yes, richer as the Mavs could pay him more than any other team, but that's not the point – to the city and Mark Cuban, and by averaging 28 ppg, 10 rb and a career playoff high 6.4 assists, was named the Finals MVP. A fitting cherry on top.

Nowitzki's tears in the locker room immediately following the trophy presentation were an emotional release after years of carrying this franchise and the pressure of expectations on his back. Time after time, the Mavericks came up short, and it was Dirk who took the bullets from press and fans for the team's repeated playoff flame outs.

Miami in 2006? Golden State in 2007? San Antonio last year?

Gone. The title erases those heart breaks and renders them meaningless. Like Nowitzki, longtime Mavericks Jason Terry and Jason Kidd celebrated at center court with first year Mav Anderson Varajao. “We did this as a team,” proclaimed Terry, “but the real motivation was to get a ring for Dirk and LeBron. Those guys earned them! Dirk was the backbone, but LeBron put us over the top”

Thank you Mark Cuban! If not for your deep pockets and creative roster shuffling to get LBJ here (and let's not forget general manager Donnie Nelson's input and efforts in keeping Nowitzki on the roster as well) this never would have been possible. I would've thanked you personally last night but I think the Mavs training staff was trying to piece together your head after it exploded. Or perhaps David Stern had you quietly “removed” during the celebration so he wouldn't have to hand you the Larry O'Brien trophy in person.

Sure, this team has the highest payroll in the NBA, but if you located Cuban last night and asked him if it was worth it, I think all he would've done is laugh in your face.

Wait...am I on Lost? Was that a flash forward or an alternate universe? Mavs fans hope it was the former. Odds makers would point to the latter.

Back to reality and June 30, 2010.

Here we are on the eve of the most anticipated, and surreal moments perhaps in the annals of the NBA. Never before has a single event in the league's history been as hyped and over-scrutinized than The Free Agent Summer of 2010! It's been on the horizon for years. Twitter was seemingly invented to fuel the fires and allow legions of reporters, bloggers and even those players involved to offer sudden mini-projections and declarations.

Last night free-agent-to-be Chris Bosh even tweeted, “After all these years... Just 24 hrs left..... Wow. I'm getting anxious.”

One guy in particular, Larry Coon of cbafaq.com, has tweeted with such frequency over the past few days and with such detailed knowledge of the NBA's financial machinations that I swear the guy's an android who doesn't sleep. There are reports surfacing from sources from all points of the solar system that bill themselves as “in the know.” Stephen A. Smith (who has assumed the role of King of the Throw-Slop-Against-the-Wall-and-See-What-Sticks from both Sam Smith and Peter Vecsey) has attempted to attain relevant status again by reporting that LeBron James and Chris Bosh will be joining Dwayne Wade in Miami to make the Heat a superpower. HOWEVUH, no sooner does a report like that begin to gain traction than it is shot down as financially impossible by some other salary cap expert.

Bottom line is that the player movement that is about to occur could drastically affect not only the competitive landscape of the league, but the financial futures of several franchises and communities as well. What will happen to the Cleveland Cavaliers and the economic well-being of the city if LeBron leaves them?

Here is what we do know for sure: LeBron James, Wade, Bosh, Joe Johnson, Amar'e Stoudemire, Carlos Boozer and Dirk Nowitzki comprise the most talented, celebrated and coveted gaggle of NBA unrestricted free agent class of all time. Starting July 1, they can begin to discuss their futures with teams.

Let's take a look at each of the players individually in an attempt to rationally surmise where they may end up:

Dirk Nowitzki
I start with Nowitzki as he seems to be the most obvious case. I haven't heard or read a report of any kind that has Dirk leaving the Mavericks. His opting out of his contract was purely a financial matter that allows him to resign under the current CBA and insure himself $96 million over four years and a no-trade clause in his contract (Paul Pierce, who recently opted out, is likely going to stay with Boston for a similar deal).

LeBron James
The Chicago Bulls have rapidly emerged as favorites to emerge as LeBron's final destination. King James has summoned representatives from Chicago, Miami, New York, New Jersey and the LA Clippers to his mountaintop to make their pitches, but it seems clear that it will come down to Chicago, Miami, Cleveland, and yes, Dallas remains an outsider in a sign-and-trade. In the end, all signs point to Chicago for me. Teaming up with Derrick Rose, Joakim Noah, and maybe Chris Bosh in a top tier market will be too much for James to pass up. Sorry Dallas. Great try though and catchy song!

Dwyane Wade
Wade is going back to Miami. Book it. Pat Riley has stripped that team to the bone and will rebuild it to appease Wade.

Chris Bosh
Currently, the Bulls don't have the cap space to sign two max deals, which makes Bosh a bit of a wild card. Would he take less to play with LeBron in a market like Chicago? I'm going to say no. The Heat has the money, Wade and South Beach to lure Bosh out of the polar climes of Toronto, not to mention the lack of state income tax which will save him roughly $3 million over the life of the contract. But I'm going to go off the board here and say Bosh ends up part of a sign-and-trade with the Lakers that nets the defending champs a formidable addition to partner with Kobe and Pau Gasol. The Raptors have made it clear that they would rather execute a S&T than just let Bosh walk, and a package that involves Andrew Bynum would be enticing.

Joe Johnson
Johnson hasn't attracted nearly the attention that the Big Three F.A.s have, but that won't stop some team from throwing a max deal at the All-Star shooting guard. Dallas has been rumored to be attempting to land him in a sign-and-trade, but I'm leaning towards Quiet Joe jumping to the limelight and taking the New York Knicks' money.

Amar'e Stoudemire
Stoudemire has been rumored to either be wanting out of Phoenix or on the trading block for years, but when push comes to shove, I say he remains with Phoenix. The Suns can offer him at least $7 million more than any team, and hopefully he comes to his senses and realizes that without Steve Nash, he'll be a fraction of the player that he is with him.

Carlos Boozer
Boozers new nickname should be The Consolation Prize; whichever team is left standing there holding a bag of money after being jilted by the other free agents will end up offering it to the former Jazz forward. That team will be the New Jersey Nets. New owner Mikhail Prokhorov wants to make a splash somehow, and Boozer will be his final chance to do so.

So Mavs fans, while you shouldn't hold your breath in anticipation of landing a big fish this summer, at least we can look forward to a full season of Roddy B Unleashed!