Bud's Incompetent Umpires Hand Halladay a Perfect Game?

I arrived at ye olde tavern late last night just as the highlights of Roy Halladay's perfect game were on television. A friend of mine was watching them in stunned, almost indignant, disbelief at the calls Halladay was getting. (He's not a Marlins fan. I have never met a Marlins fan.)

The only pitch I saw on that run-through of SportsCenter was the called strike three on Hanley Ramirez, which Hanley thought was low and/or inside and I thought was a strike.

So an hour later the highlights run by again and this time I take a closer look. Looked like Mike DiMuro* had a fairly wide strike zone, but I didn't think any of the calls were outrageous. I said things like, "you can't take that pitch with two strikes" and "I don't have a problem with that call."

Then my friend called me a homer and started goofing on me.

*Just note, I am always wary of second-generation officials, like the batshit Crawford brothers in the NBA; Mike's father Lou was an American League umpire from the '60s into the '80s. I'll sometimes go out of my way to criticize guys like DiMuro and Hunter Wendelstedt, but didn't see fit this time.

I went home later and read a bunch of stuff about the game, including Joe Posnanski's account of it, and I didn't find any complaints of bias in ball-and-strike calls, including from Marlins players and coaches. Just a couple allusions to a relatively big strike zone.

How big, though? I went to Matty's go-to site for umpire watchdoggery, Brooks Baseball, to find out. Here is Halladay's ball-and-strike plot (click to approximately double its size):

OK, I see one called strike about three or four inches outside the strike zone, and a couple more an inch or two outside.*

*I am wildly colorblind and, in fact, there could be upwards of 25 such pitches on the plot. I just can't find them.

Just had my wife look at the plot: six called strikes slightly outside the box (one about 4 inches outside*; that's the furthest outside of any called strike), all in the same general location, and two called balls inside the box, both in the same general location.

*Four inches in reality, not on the graph, dummy.

You know what that's called: a pretty good, consistent strike zone. At least two of the outside called strikes were early in the game (saw them on TV), which should tell the hitters that the pitcher is getting calls on the outside corner, and they should adapt accordingly.

For comparison, Josh Johnson's plot for this game is below. It's harder to interpret for balls and strikes because the Phillies put a lot more balls in play than the Marlins did (despite scoring only 1 run, unearned at that), and even my wife can't tell the difference between the green used for Called Strikes and the green used for Missed Bunts on my computer screen.

Looks like DiMuro squeezed Johnson (heh heh heh m heh) on the inside corner a bit, but there's a called strike on this plot that's twice as far outside the strike zone as any he conceded to Halladay.

Especially in light of some of the wretched home-plate umpiring Matty has monitored on this site in the past, last night's perfect game was officiated rather well.

Furthermore, if bloated windbags like Cowpie Joe West would start calling the strike zone a little wider -- and do it consistently -- a 9-inning Yankees/Red Sox game might not last four and a half hours.

So, to sum up: I am not a homer*; I think my friend was just hatin'.

*Then why did I do all this?

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Stanley Cup Finals -- C'mon Gorilla, We in Phila!

Still tough to believe, but the Flyers are in the Stanley Cup Finals for the first time since 1997. After a season in which the team -- so mighty on paper -- largely played less like the names on the paper and more like the paper itself, they've hit their stride, regained their health, and caught the monumental break of not having to face the Penguins in the playoffs. (Can you say "3 for 10 on the power play every game"?)

So here we are.

First, Peter Laviolette has done an incredible job. It'll be a sad day for me when he's sent packing when the Flyers get off to a slow start the season after next.

Laviolette has been a favorite of mine ever since then-Leafs coach "Fat" Quinn called him "light in the loafers" during the Leafs/Islanders series a few years back in which the execrable Darcy Tucker low-bridged the almost-as-execrable Michael Peca, demolishing his knee and shaving a good three years off Peca's career. Anyone who riles a grandstanding gasbag like Quinn to the extent that he makes a questionable comment that makes him look like a cretin is pretty okay in my book.

When Laviolette took over, the Flyers were terrible 5 on 5, had a piss-poor power play, and looked like they had a total lack of effective in-room leadership. Handwringers like Scott Burnside called for the Flyers to strip Mike Richards of his captancy. And then it got worse.

They couldn't keep an NHL-caliber goaltender healthy for months at a time -- Ray Emery got hurt, Brian Boucher stunk up the joint before starting to play well, then got hurt. Dan Carcillo's foolish antics seemed to poison the rest of the team; they took tons of ridiculous penalties and earned a reputation with the officials that saw them called for even more.

Because it's dependent on a fitness level that is over and above the already incredible level maintained by NHL players, Laviolette's "system" is hard to adapt to in a short period of time. (In brief, skate hard in the offensive zone and forecheck as aggressively as possible, with the left wing staying back, and always be in motion so as not to get beat one-on-one or take cheap stick fouls -- this is exactly what the Carolina Hurricanes did en route to the Cup in 2005, when they were the least penalized team in the league.) But somehow, aided by the emergence of a decent goaltender, Michael Leighton, the Flyers started to play well. They claimed Leighton on re-entry waivers -- no one, even the Flyers, wanted him if it meant they'd have to pay his entire NHL-minimum salary -- from the worst team in the NHL at the time. Even Carcillo started playing with a semblance of discipline.

(Then Leighton blew out his ankle and they called up their AHL goalie only to see him get hurt in his first start, then their leading goal-scorer, Jeff Carter, broke his foot -- first time in his NHL career he'd been injured -- etc.)

To make a long story short:

Turn the dial to "impossible," then turn it backward the smallest possible increment, and that's what you've got with the Philadelphia Flyers as of May 29, 2010.

It's impossible to slap the ol' Lead Pipe Lock on a Flyers loss here with what they've been through and the way they're playing now (not to mention their health, which is better now than it's been all season). But the road ends here for a very simple reason: the Blackhawks are MUCH better than the Flyers are.

You can use the traditional stats -- shots and goals for, shots and goals against, special-teams percentages -- or you can use the advanced stats (like those broken down here), and you end up in the same place. Even if you cherry-pick a couple weeks here and there for the Flyers and compare them against the full year of the Blackhawks, you'd have an extremely hard time justifying a prediction of them to win the Cup.

I know, ask a St. Louis Cardinals fan if (s)he cares about a statement like this in light of the 2006 World Series -- but should the Flyers win the Stanley Cup this season, they would almost certainly be the worst team to win the Cup in the expansion era. That statement is not to taint a potential championship or contend there is something wrong with this Flyers team per se*; it's to point out what an enormous upset it would be.

*They have no third defensive pair; that's really about all that's wrong with them.

I am now wholly convinced of the virtue of Peter Laviolette as a coach, of Mike Richards as a leader, of Chris Pronger as a true number-one shut-down defenseman, and of Simon Gagne and Daniel Briere as legit high-pressure performers -- I know the Flyers will not roll over and die in the face of this superior opponent. But something really unforseen is going to have to happen for the Blackhawks not to win the Stanley Cup. It goes strongly against the numbers to even pick this series to go six games, but...

Pick: Chicago in 6.

Keep reaching for the stars, Hawks fans -- next year maybe they'll skate the Cup at home.

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Gary Bettman Is Not A Meteorologist

For some of us here at T!!! (BMFS) its still hockey season. For others of us mere sight of ice is enough to put us off our food*.

*That means puke.

Still, it did warm my heart just a bit when reading in today's Washington Post that the Capitals would be playing in the NHL's now annual Winter Classic this coming New Year's Day. Unfortunately, that game will be at Heinz Field in Pittsburgh against that constant thorn in our collective sides, the Pittsburgh Penguins. In the words of a great American, F them.

Many thought the Caps would have participated in this year's Winter Classic at Fenway Park. Instead the NHL chose the classless and talentless (not to mention current NHL Finalists) Philadelphia Flyers due to NBC's worries about ratings. Apparently the league's two time reigning MVP isn't much of a ratings winner. Or at least it isn't as interesting as watching Dan Carsillo act like a jackass. Anyway.

While that news was welcome, it wasn't unexpected. The unexpected (and strange part) of the announcement was commissioner Gary Bettman's statement that in "two or three years" the Capitals will get to host the Winter Classic themselves. Um, huh?

Having lived in and around Washington DC for a large majority of my life I can tell you that there is a fair shot that the temperature in DC on New Year's Day will be perfect... for picnicking.

Hosting an ice hockey game outside in early January in DC may seem like a good idea, but the likelihood is that it will be too warm to sustain ice. Unless they're going to play inside a giant Popemobile-like bubble. But then that would hardly be outdoors, would it?

h/t to Capitals Insider

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Hey Uncle Bud: Your Umpires Suck

"I do not like green eggs and ham, I do not like them Sam-I-Am!!"

Its easy to criticize umpires. They make hundreds of calls each game and when a few of them are wrong, well, there can be hell to pay. Its human nature, after all, to screw up. I've done my share for sure. Still, there are rules that even umpires have to live by and recently it seems some haven't been doing it.

Take Joe West. Please.*
*Ha!

A month or so ago West did an interview or made a comment to the media, I'm not sure which, where he said that Red Sox/Yankees games take too long. How long is too long is certainly in the eye of the beholder. But as a rule, Red Sox/Yankees games do take longer than many other match ups. There are several reasons for this. Good hitters tend to be patient hitters, and New York and Boston have them in spades. Also, because both teams are so popular, many of their games tend to be featured on national TV, which has more commercials than local telecasts.

But almost none of that is really the point. The point is what is Joe West doing complaining about the length of games to the media? As a theoretically impartial arbiter, West needs to keep his yap shut, lest he lessen his impartiality or at least the perception of it, which is essentially the same thing.

With this on my mind, I watched last night's Red Sox/Rays game. Home plate umpire Bob Davidson was doing a mediocre job of calling balls and strikes. In the fifth inning he called the first pitch from Jon Lester to Carl Crawford a strike. Pitch number one is the pitch in question:



Crawford turned and said somethings to Davidson, which maybe he was entitled to do considering the location of the pitch. I was surprised to see Davidson not ignore Crawford, but to actively engage him. Maybe Davidson had been hearing it from Crawford after Crawford's strikeout in the third inning. Maybe instead of just saying "I think you missed that one, Bob." Crawford said something much more offensive. I don't know. But watching on TV it seemed that Davidson, not Crawford, was the aggressor in the conversation. The camera angle was such that you could easily read Davidson's lips and the man wasn't using church language and he wasn't using his inside voice. Instead, it seemed every other word was F or MF or some variant thereof.

So eventually Davidson threw Crawford out, which then meant he had to throw Rays manager Joe Maddon out (the lead picture of this post came just following that ejection). So the Rays lost their all star left fielder and their manager, all because Davidson was doing a lousy job calling balls and strikes. (Update: Video here)

Then, today, I read about Joe West throwing out Ozzie Guillen and Mark Buerhle of the White Sox. NBC's Aaron Gleeman:

Guillen's ejection came in the second inning, when he argued West's balk call against Buehrle. An inning later West called another balk on Buehrle, at which point Buehrle raised his palms in disgust and dropped his glove to the ground.

As soon as West saw any kind of reaction he began moving toward the mound looking for a confrontation and once Buehrle's glove hit the ground the ejection was immediate.

Buehrle had to be restrained by teammates and White Sox announcer Hawk Harrelson spent the next 10 minutes unloading on West, calling him "an absolute disgrace" and "a joke" among many other things.

Moving past Hawk Harrelson calling someone a disgrace and a joke (feel free to insert your own joke though), Gleeman goes on to note that Buehrle had had one balk called on him in the last three years combined.

To sum up, not only are many of these umpires doing a less than acceptable job of calling games, but they're actively looking for fights and more than willing to change the complexion of games by throwing players out in the early innings. Pretty crappy stuff. Maybe Uncle Bud should look into this a little bit?

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Matty's Baseball Notes: Phils/Red Sox Postscript

A quick postscript to the just past Phillies/Red Sox series. Normally I don't review series in this space, but since T!!! features a Red Sox fan (me) and a Phillies fan (BMFS) and I spent a decade of my life (cue crying) in Philadelphia, well, this merits special (as in retarded) attention.

To the notes!

* Cole Hamels was on last Friday. I've seen Hamels pitch a number of times but that was by far the best performance I've seen from him. Pretty much only one ball was hit hard, that being Victor Martinez's first inning homer, but beyond that Hamels kept the Sox off balance. I don't mean he kept them off balance in a "he stopped them" kind of way, either. He literally kept them off balance. Hamels has one of the game's best change ups and when he gets separation between it and his fastball - at least 8mph, but 10 is better which he had - he can keep guys swinging at air. He and Halladay should be enough to win the NL East and maybe the entire NL. He was on and it was impressive to watch, even as a fan of the opposing team.

* Jayson Werth is gonna get piz-aaaid. The Phils (stupidly in my opinion) gave big money to Polanco and Raul Ibanez which could handcuff them in keeping Werth, probably their second best hitter, in the fold. If Werth bolds there will be no shortage for his services. In fact, don't be shocked if he ends up in New York with the Yankees, who's outfield currently consists of Randy Winn, Brett Gardner and Nick Swisher. Not bad, certainly, but not much star power. Think the Yankees don't notice that?

* For a team that has bounced around .500 for the past several weeks, the Red Sox played a good series. They hit mistakes and they pitched their asses off. The Red Sox basically have six starters if you include Tim Wakefield, and despite throwing numbers three, five, and six, they won two of three against the best team in the National League.

* Kevin Youkilis is sick. In the 22 games in May, Youk is hitting .388/.563/.821. Yes, he's slugging .821.

* All that talk about cutting David Ortiz has disappeared quick, huh? After hitting .143/.238/.286 in April, Ortiz is hitting .361/.403/.787 in May. That's called turning it around.

* Overall, an impressive display by a Red Sox team that could use a few more impressive displays. They're on a brutal stretch (2 in NY, 2 vs. MN, 3 in Philly, and 3 in Tampa). That's three first place teams and the Yankees and 8 of 10 on the road. So far they're 6-2 (including last night's win in Tampa). Not bad, eh?

* In the second game, Matsuzaka looked about as good as I've seen him look, but even then he's not unhittable. The Phils got a bit unlucky hitting a bunch of liners right at fielders including some that probably should have been doubles but which turned into double plays. Tough luck that.

* The Phils got out played in the last two games, and a good part of that was on defense. That ball that went through Dobb's legs went from two outs off the bat to two runs on the board, but that was only the most obvious example. Victorino dropped Youkilis' long drive turning an out into a triple.

* Kyle Kendrick is a placeholder for a championship team lucky enough to be in a division that lets them take their time to find the right replacement. If Kendrick is still in the rotation after the trade deadline Ruben Amaro will have failed.

* These two teams meet again in June (11-13) in Boston. Should be a good series.

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Makes You Wonder

I read the AP account of the Red Sox win over the Phillies this afternoon and I noticed some discrepancies with my memory. Two in fact. Here's the first:

Youkilis aided the Boston offense with a triple to open the second and a towering homer to left in the sixth off Halladay, giving the Red Sox a 4-0 lead.

The homer that Youkilis hit was anything but towering. Maybe 'towering' is one of those adjectives that they throw in there to avoid the appearance of boilerplate writing, but Youk's homer landed in the first row of the left field stands. He hit it well, no question, but if you're gonna classify it then it was a line drive homer.

The second:

Halladay appeared to have an inning-ending double play in the fourth, but Adrian Beltre's soft grounder went straight through third baseman Greg Dobbs' legs, allowing two runs to score for a 3-0 advantage.

Again with the nitpicking but Beltre's grounder wasn't soft. It was hit pretty hard. And it if had been soft there wouldn't have been a chance for a double play.

Makes me wonder if the writer saw the game.

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It Ain't the $70 Million Grand Slam, But He's Still a Ham-and-Egger

When's the last time you heard someone called a "ham-and-egger"? I miss that one. No idea what it means, though. Anyway...

In 2007, J.D. Drew hit a grand slam in the American League Championship Series against Cleveland that many Red Sox fans came to derisively refer to as the "$70 Million Grand Slam," given Drew's bloated salary and limited production since he'd signed his contract.

Tonight, we were a matter of inches from the "$103 Million No-Hitter" from Daisuke Matsuzaka. "Dice-K" is a sporting legend in Japan whose services cost the Red Sox $103M between a posting fee and his actual contract, but his performance in Boston has been largely frustrating, if not outright terrible. And that's before we even get to the injuries that wiped out most of his 2009 season.

Well, tonight, he gave up only a measly bloop single to left field* with two outs in the eighth inning en route to shutting out one of the Majors' best offenses in Philadelphia. Instead of nibbling around the periphery of the plate and wasting innumerable pitches, as he is wont to do, Matsuzaka got through eight and two thirds innings on 112 pitches. He did walk four batters and the Phils hit a few pitches hard, but otherwise this was a far better outing than I can ever remember seeing from him. (Matty's opinion would carry much more weight on this statement, obviously.)

*If it's any consolation, Pink Hatters, none of the lollygaggers you employed at shortstop last season would have made that play either.

Of course, he'll probably come back out there in 5 days and throw 95 pitches in 4 innings, rendering tonight's performance all the more frustrating.

The last time the Phils were no-hit: Do ya know? Do ya know? Do ya know?

April 16, 1978, by Bob Forsch. Forsch would throw another no-hitter 5 years later, this one walk-free but contaminated by a hit batter and an error; in this first one, he walked two and struck out three. Oddly, the Phils haven't been no-hit since their last period of prolonged excellence before the current core of players was in place. No one managed that one magical day against a decade's worth of lineups that couldn't hit their way out of a paper bag.

In 1988, the Phils were on the business end of a no-hitter that existed in the record books for a few years before a rule change (appropriately) wiped it out: the rain-shortened 5-inning no-hitter by the immortal Pascual Perez (a total lunatic with a Jheri Curl who was busted for cocaine between the 1983 and '84 seasons), then of the Montreal Expos.

The Perez 5-inning job was, incredibly, the FIFTH shortened no-hitter the Phillies have endured in their mostly ignominious 127 years of existence. The losses all stood, but regardless of whether the games were truncated by rain or darkness, none of the no-hitters actually count as such.

My favorite of the lot, stunningly, is not the Perez one: In 1959, Mike McCormick of the San Francisco Giants no-hit the Phillies for 5 innings, then gave up a hit in the sixth, then watched as rain ended the game before the end of the inning, wiping out the unfinished sixth inning and sending it into the books as a 5-inning final and a no-hitter. (So about that rule change again...)

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That's right, Joe -- If you don't score, you can't win

Question Number One: Who was the last goaltender to have three shutouts in a single playoff series?

From the AP report of today's Flyers/Canadiens game:

Leighton had a relatively easy day after allowing five goals on 38 shots on Thursday ... He became the 13th NHL goalie to have three shutouts in one series, and the first since Toronto's Ed Belfour and Tampa Bay's Nikolai Khabibulin did it in the first round of the 2004 postseason.

Um...

WROOOOOONNNGGGGG!!!!

Pretty simple research goof-up by the unnamed writer of that account. Obviously he'd looked only at the winning goaltenders in playoff series over the years. I mean, c'mon, you can't possibly chuck up three donuts in a single series and lose... can you?

In fact, a mere three seasons ago in 2007, Marty Turco shut out the Vancouver Canucks three times in the opening round of the Western Conference playoffs... and lost the series. (See "Series H" here for substantiation.)

You know your team has a pop-gun offense when the other team wins every game in which it manages to score at all.

Ooof. Thanks again, Marty. Hope you land someplace where they'll score lots of goals in front of you.

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Why? Because Its Fucking Funny, That's Why

In the words of me, "Hey! F You!" And who gave Palin that get up? Hugh Hefner?

While its never been explicitly stated, we here at T!!! try to stay away from politics, though sometimes we don't stick to that. I'm afraid this is going to be one of those times. So if making fun of stupid tea partiers who don't know what the hell they're talking about is offensive to you, I suggest you get your head out of your ass scroll down and read about something else.

Back to the business at hand. Apparently we're all Redskins fans here at T!!! (though its debatable how long that'll last - I'm guessing no further than Week 1 of the NFL season). As such, we're all huge Clint Didier fans. Who is Clint Didier, you ask? Well, he's just a hometown farm boy, who rose to be a SuperBowl champion, who returned home to farm and raise a family, and now, he's been called to serve. All, apparently, to the Top Gun Theme (Album Version) by Steve Stevens and Harold Faltermeyer.

Because what says "down home country boy headed to Washington DC to fix them politicians right good" better than the theme from Top Gun? Nothing.

Seriously. Click that shit and make sure you've got the sound on your computer turned up. I've been clicking the back button on my browser for about an hour. Its autoerotic asphyxiation, I can't get enough.

So what can we Redskins fans who live in Eastern Washington state expect from Senator Didier? Timothy Egan of the NY Times gives us this rundown:

In Washington state, many in the Tea Party are backing a former professional football player, Clint Didier, in the Republican race for Senate. He rails against taxpayer bailouts and encroaching socialism. But he doesn’t hate Big Government enough to refuse at least $140,000 in farm subsidies he’s taken since 1995, or the taxpayer-financed irrigation water that keeps his patch of eastern Washington from being barren.

You gotta love the Tea Partiers. Logic, rationality, hypocrisy, and consistency all mean nothing to them. But Top Gun is the shit.

Fuckers.

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Matty's Baseball Notes: Two Trade Candidates You Haven't Thought Of Yet

Cutting to the chase. Here are two players that may be available in trade soon that haven't been talked about frequently.

* * *

Hanley Ramirez

The premiere shortstop in baseball, Ramirez is just a year and a month into a 6 year, $70 million extension with the Florida Marlins. At $7 million, he's the highest paid player on the Marlins and one of only two to make over $5 million this season on the team (the other being the immortal Jorge Cantu). Next season Ramirez's salary jumps to $11 million and the year following $15 million. He'll be a bargain whether his salary is $7 million or $15 million, but he plays for a team with a $47 million player payroll this season.

When does Ramirez get too expensive for his team? If next season's $11 million isn't too much then the following season's $15 million probably will be. If Florida does look to trade him then the 26 year old Ramirez will be among the most coveted players in baseball. There are about six teams that are set at the shortstop position and none of them have an offensive player of Ramirez's caliber. The end result is adding Ramirez to any team in baseball is an improvement. It stands to reason that by trading Ramirez the Marlins could net a mint in cheap young talent while avoiding the more expensive seasons of Ramirez's extension.

Why might he not be traded? Two reasons. The first is Florida's new ball park. Its likely the new park will increase Florida's lousy attendance (currently 26th out of 30th in average attendance) and if owner Jeffrey Loria decides to put any of that additional revenue back into the team the first place to spend it would be on keeping Ramirez.

The second reason not to trade him is because Ramirez is simply too good. According to Baseball Prospectus, in the last three years Ramirez has been the second most productive offensive player in all of baseball. From 2007-2009, Ramirez has totaled 245 VORP. Name your favorite player and as long as he's not named "Albert Pujols" Ramirez has him beat. For the record Pujols totaled 271 VORP and Alex Rodriguez is third at 208. That's how ridiculous a hitter Ramirez has become. He's 26 this season, he plays shortstop, and he's a better hitter than Alex Rodriguez.

All that said, I predict the Marlins will trade him anyway. In fact, the recent spat between Ramirez and his manager may provide Florida some cover if they decide to deal him this season. God knows where he'll go, but almost certainly by the trading deadline next season, Ramirez will be out of Florida.

* * *

Zack Greinke

The reigning AL Cy Young winner, Greinke has picked up where he left off last season. Not that the sad sack Royals have helped. Greinke has a 2.73 ERA and a WHIP of 1.12, both in the top 30 of starting pitchers in baseball, making him, by definition, a #1 starter. Imagine what he'd look like if his team, currently 24th of 30 in UZR, could play defense.

Like Ramirez, Greinke's 4 year, $38 million deal back loaded. Greinke is making $7.25 million this season which is peanuts for a Cy Young winner, but that jumps to $13.5 million for the final two years of the deal, which runs through the 2012 season. KC's team payroll of $74 million may not support a player making that much, especially when that player won't be contributing to a winner. In the words of someone, I think it was Branch Rickey, "We finished last with you, we can finish last without you."

Its debatable how much longer KC's GM Dayton Moore will be given to turn the Royals around, but with the recent firing of manager Trey Hillman, its possible that Moore's time may be running out. A new GM could be more willing to deal off KC's better players in attempt to make a run a few years down the road. Greinke would bring back tons in trade for all the reasons listed above.

Why wouldn't he be traded? Like Ramirez, because he's damn good. #1 starters don't grow on trees, and Greinke is (again, like Ramirez) 26 years old this season. There is lots of value left in his arm and if the Royals can keep him in KC long term (i.e. beyond when his contract expires) there's no reason he can't stay at the front of KC's rotation for the next decade. Why he'd want to stay there when he could go to a different team with a demonstrated ability to put a winner on the field is another matter.

(I should mention that underlying both the Ramirez and Greinke scenarios is they are unlikely to resign with their respective clubs when their contracts run out. Neither club is going anywhere, and in fact, despite a collective ten full seasons at the major league level neither player has played in a single playoff game.)

* * *

So what would it take to acquire either of these players? Cliff Lee is an interesting comparison because he's a former Cy Young winner (he won it the year before Greinke) and he was traded twice in two years. Lee went from Cleveland to Philly along with Ben Francisco for four minor leaguers, all in the team's top 10 minor leaguers according to Baseball America. Then the Phils (inexplicably) dealt him to Seattle for three minor leaguers, two of which were in the M's top 10 according to BA.

So you start with that (3 of a team's top ten minor leaguers) and then go up from there. Considering the quality of the players in question and the likelihood that when traded they'll still be signed at below market deals, well, the sky is the limit. If Ramirez is traded at this year's deadline, he could bring twice that. Or more.

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Stanley Cup Playoffs Picks Pool, Conference Finals: Climbing the Murderhorn

The Flyers loaded up on their Powersauce bars and did the nigh-impossible, rallying from 3 games down to win the next four, and from down 3 goals in Game 7 to win 4-3 at that. Think of the softie Tuukka Rask coughed up to James van Riesmsdyk as Dave Roberts' steal of second.

Thing is, getting to a Game 7 is the hard part; winning the series from that point is a crapshoot. (One of many cases in which a truism is a truism because it's, well, true.) Of the six teams that have rallied back from down 3-0 to force a Game 7, it's a 50-50 proposition from that point: three won, three lost.

If the Flyers keep this thing rolling long enough, they might actually get their leading scorer back. They got their starting goalie back just in time for their newly reliable backup to sprain both his knees simultaneously. That, folks, is a difficult feat to accomplish without the aid of a Roy Williams horse-collar or the Veterans Stadium turf.

So it's a no. 7 seed hosting the Conference Finals for the first time ever. Eh, no one wanted to see the friggin' Devils anyway.

EAST FINAL
(7) Philadelphia vs. (8) Montreal

WEST FINAL
(1) San Jose vs. (2) Chicago

Scoring going into this round (see here):
BMFS: 7
Bill: 6
Clint: 5
Snizza: 3
Matty: 3

Hereforth, an update (see image at right):
BMFS: plus 4
Bill: plus 3
Clint: plus 4
Snizza: plus 3
Matty: minus one pair of testicles

So our standings going into the Conference Finals:
BMFS: 11
Bill: 9
Clint: 9
Snizza: 6
Matty: Willie Mitchell

One more thing: Bruins advertising department, really, this is the ad you sold for the front of the Flyers bench? The Broad Street effing Bullies??


Also, if you watch this ad, pay attention to the load of black-and-gold debris that jumps up off the ice surface and returns to the seating bowl. One of those things that only happens in Philly, don'tcha know... Unless it happens in Boston. And Montreal. A lot.

More later...

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Robot Ump, Activate!

In 2007 according to Forbes magazine, baseball as an industry brought in $5.5 billion. That's $5,500,000,000.00. And that was three years ago.

So, with that in mind, why is this pitch a strike?


If you look at that picture you can see the ball in the catcher's glove just before it closes. You can also see home plate and you can see that the two are not in alignment. Further you can see the game situation: 1 out, bottom of the ninth inning, Red Sox down 2 runs, man on second base, full count. The pitch that was, in the words of Harry Doyle, juuuuuust a bit outside, was called strike three.

If that picture isn't clear enough for you, here's it is again (from the catcher's point of view, so the pitch above is represented by the bright red square on the left of the strike zone):



Here's how MLB.com's gamecast located the pitch ("7" in red on the left):




So home plate umpire Dale Scott blew the call. So what? According to the Win Expectancy Calculator (available here) if Ortiz walks teams in the exact same situation win the game seventeen percent of the time. If Ortiz strikes out, that drops to four percent. When Scott called Ortiz out on a pitch that clearly should have been ball four, he drastically altered the outcome of the game.

What's more, after Scott called Ortiz out on ball four (really ball five if you look at the pitch f/x chart) Adrian Beltre singled home Drew who was at second. That pushed the Sox win expectancy from 4% to 9%, but it should have pushed it from 17% to 36%. Ouch.

But forget all that for a second and look at this:



As Peter Abraham put it by way of explanation in the Boston Globe (here), "The red triangles are the pitches Scott called strikes thrown by the Blue Jays. The red boxes are pitches Scott called strikes that were thrown by the Red Sox. Um, yeah."

According to the chart above, the Blue Jays got 15 pitches called strikes that were outside the strike zone. The Red Sox got one. To be totally fair about it, the Jays had three pitches in the strike zone called balls while the Sox had two. Still, that's some pretty impressive inequity.

I don't know what the game situations were for the fifteen pitches by Red Sox pitchers that Scott missed so assessing the actual damage is impossible to do. What I do know, getting back to the opening line of this post, is Baseball as an industry is filthy rich. Tools like Pitch f/x (by the way, if anyone is interested in looking up any thing of a similar nature, I highly recommend Brooks Baseball (www.brooksbaseball.net) are available to the general public via this here series of tubes. So anyone can look this up and tell how badly Scott blew that call and 18 others throughout the game.

If I can look up how badly Dale Scott missed that call in the ninth inning and I can see that he missed eighteen other pitches as well, though none quite as badly, and I can read about it in the Boston Globe where they reprinted all the charts above, and I can follow the game online where I can see immediately that Scott missed the call by a mile, and I can read about it ten minutes later at The Joy of Sox where they published the Pitch f/x charts, the GameDay screen capture and an actual photograph all showing that Scott blew the call in a big way, I'm left to wonder one thing. Why can't Major League Baseball do anything about it?

I'm not necessarily in favor of robot umpires, or automatic laser controlled strike zones, but at least in this case, the outcome of the game was severely impacted by that single incorrect call in the ninth, and very likely impacted by any of the other twenty-odd missed calls by Scott on the day. Doesn't MLB have an obligation to the people who give them $5.5 billion a year to get the calls right? Maybe the Red Sox would've lost anyway. Likely they would have. But maybe not.

More importantly, Dale Scott has been an umpire for a long while in the majors. Just how many calls is he allowed to miss and how many games can he irreparably harm before someone makes some changes? Umpires are allowed to look at replays on home runs now. Maybe its time we actually get all the calls right.

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"Oh! Oh! Oh! Peralta! Oh! Oh! Oh!"

Professional broadcasting has been redefined. Five minutes eight seconds of art. Oh! Oh!




Oh! Oh!

(h/t to The Legend of Cecilio Guante)

The Yankees Are Old

Derek Jeter's parents, like God Himself, have good seats at the new Yankee Stadium.

For some people batting average is the offensive stat of choice. But just looking at some one's batting average doesn't tell us very much about how well they've hit. Specifically, batting average doesn't count walks, and it doesn't distinguish between a single and a home run. Those are glaring omissions. Tell me about a guy who hit about .270 and you could be talking about David Eckstein or Mike Schmidt. Two very different guys there. For one thing, Ecsktein is made out of Ecksteinium. For another, Schmidt is one of the greatest third baseman of all time and is in the Hall of Fame.

Why do I bring this up? During the Yankee broadcast today one of the announcers identified Derek Horatio Templeton Jeter as 'hitting about .270.' Which is true. But it doesn't tell us the whole story. Jeter is hitting .270 but with an on-base percentage of .311 and a slugging percentage of .411. For those of you who can't add, that's an OPS of .722. An OPS just north of the .600s isn't what you'd call "good".

Of course, its only mid May, so maybe Jeter is just slumping. A quick look at his splits shows that indeed he is. Jeter entered May hitting .330/.354/.521. Them's Hall of Fame numbers. Since then he's hit .157/.246/.196. Them's numbers that would embarrass David Eckstein.

So is my point that Derek Jeter is done? Well, no. That would be stupid. Jeter's crappy stats above are culled from just twelve games. I'd be an idiot to declare Jeter's career over after a lousy twelve games. But it does raise an important question. Two questions, actually.

First, are the Yankees expecting too much of Jeter? If Jeter is old for a baseball player, which he is, he's ancient for a shortstop. There aren't many 36 year old shortstops in baseball because the position is too physically demanding. Its a young man's position and the Yankees are counting on Jeter to be his old self rather than just old.

Historically that expectation isn't realistic. But this is a Hall of Fame player we're discussing here so normal rules don't apply. Except that they really do. Even Hall of Famers get old. There's a reason Frank Robinson isn't still hitting fourth for the Orioles and Ernie Banks isn't still at shortstop for the Cubs. Eventually age gets everyone. Even in this age of greater knowledge about exercise, eating regimes and general health, only a select few players play past their late 30s.

Jeter is a free agent after this season. He's finishing up a ten year, $189 million contract, which will pay him $21 million this season. Will the Yankees want to give a shortstop in his late 30s a long term huge money contract to play into his early 40s? Will Jeter's sense of pride allow him to take a pay cut and/or move off the shortstop position?

So far the Yankees have been very lucky with their now older late '90s core. Jeter, Posada, Pettitte and Rivera are 36, 38, 38, and 40, respectively. All except Posada will be free agents after this season. Posada has one more season on his deal.

By all available measures the Yankees have a fantastic run with these players, but how much longer can this continue? If Jeter keeps hitting they way he has this month, the answer is not much longer.

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Merely Keeping A Grand Tradition Alive

"Admirers?" Wow, talk about a soft stance...

Rioting! It doesn't take much to incite a riot in Montreal; it's part of their civic tradition. Hell, when you fork over about 70% of your income in taxes, go blow some shit up and let those chattes-grosses in Ottawa rebuild it!

Herewith, my favorite image of riot du jour... so far, at least:

When I went prowling 'round the InterNutz late Wednesday night seeking information about rioting, the first thing I found was on a message board, from a presumptive eyewitness, who blamed the lawlessness on black people. See, Canadians and Americans aren't that different from each other after all. Let's build a fence around Haiti, eh!

American students traveling on the cheap across Europe have been known to pin Canadian flags to their backpacks to dodge anti-American sentiments; as you can imagine, this was virtually de rigueur during the G.W. Bush regime.

So peep the gentleman on the left up there: he's wearing a Washington Nationals cap! And not just any Washington Nationals cap -- a Fourth-of-July, Stars-and-Stripes Washington Nationals cap! New protocol for Montreal rioters: if you're gonna smash out the windows of a liquor store and lift some Grey Goose and E&J Brandy, pretend to be an American!

Payback for all our limousine liberal college-boy globetrotters pretending to be Canadian all these years? Half of 'em are probably already in Karl Rove's waiting room with a fistful o' teabags...

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Scatterdumping...

How about a few little sportsy-poopy items to ponder while sitting on the toilet and waiting for the smell to dissipate so your wife/girlfriend just thinks you were just making her life easier by releasing your sexual drive on your own...

In one of the seriously funny moments in sports this year, it was recently reported that Seattle Mariners star Ken Griffey Jr. was unavailable for a pinch hitting opportunity because he was freaking sleeping in the clubhouse. The future Hall of Famer, who is batting a lowly .208 and has just 5 RBI this season, truly punctuated the fact that we can no longer call him “The Kid.” Next time, try napping before the game or cranking up your intake of greenies.

While we're on the topic of Age in Sports, we'd be remiss not to bring up the generous geriatric movement going on with the Washington Redskins to prove that the elderly still have something to give to the game. Not content with signing Donovan McNabb, Fast Willie Parker and Larry Johnson this off-season, and with Clinton Portis still on the roster, the Skins brought former Eagles All-Pro Brian Westbrook in for a visit. While none of them are technically “old” in years, they all have the medical charts of a 90-year old war veteran. Between the four running backs, they have missed a combined 56 games in the past 5 years. I guess the Skins figure the odds are against all of them being injured at the same time and are guaranteeing themselves at least one semi-healthy RB per game.

Now let's play a little game of Fill In the Blanks. The following lines were taken from newspaper stories or reader comments following a recent NBA team's disappointing playoff loss:
“Let's start with coach ______, since that is where many of the fans have started. There are several players who are upset with him and how he's handled his rotations during the playoffs, sticking guys in and yanking them out of the lineups.”
“They lose either because ______ isn't making proper adjustments or that the team is not executing those commands. Either way, it is a sign of trouble.”
“When you shut down ______ by double teaming him all night, the ____ have nobody else to score.”
“Wade, Kobe, both have that killer instinct. it is just a trait that is eluding ______.”

If you thought the blanks should've been filled by the names “Rick Carlisle” and “Dirk Nowitzki”, you're probably not alone - but you're wrong. Try “Mike Brown” and The King himself, “LeBron James,” following Tuesday night's 120-88 shellacking of the Cavaliers by the Boston Celtics. LeBron went 3-14 and was basically a non-factor and his Cavaliers, who many people, seemingly including LBJ himself, thought would just waltz to the title and pick up their trophy, now find themselves on the brink of elimination.

Call it Nightmare on Robson Street. The city of Vancouver should petition the NHL never to allow the Canucks to participate in a playoff game on May 11 again as the Canuckleheads were eliminated from the playoffs on 5/11 the past two seasons by the Chicago Black Hawks in 6 games. Incredibly, the total goals for the teams were almost identical in both series: Chicago outscored Vancouver 23-18 in this year's series and 23-19 last season. Deja Vu indeed.

The Dallas Stars signed goalie Kari Lehtonen to a three-year contract extension worth $10.65 million. Somewhere Jaroslav Halak's agent is starting to search for a fat vacation home in the Bahamas and stocking it with strippers...

Congratulations to the Texas Stars, the Dallas Stars' AHL affiliate, for their 6-5 overtime win in game 7 of their West Division Final series against the Chicago Wolves last Tuesday. Jamie Benn, who was a huge surprise for the Dallas club this past season, scoring 22 goals and collecting 19 assists, tallied a goal and an assist in the game, including the Golden Goal in OT. Defenseman Maxime Fortunus, who had a few cups of coffee with the NHL club last season, had a goal and two assists in the game. The Texas Stars now move on to the Western Conference Finals to face the Hamilton Bulldogs.

And finally, I have to hand it to some fan in Boston during the game who provided the perfect metaphor for the Bruins' performance against the Philadelphia Flyers in game 5 of their Eastern Conference semi-final series. Nearing the end of what eventually was a 4-0 romping by the Flyers to force a game 6, some Bruins fan pelted a Flyers fan with...an unused condom! Seems that the fan, like his home team, realized they didn't need the rubber if they were the ones receiving the reaming.

Slappy Climbs Another Rung In The Ladder

In lieu of taking another slap at Wilbon, I'll talk about Alex Rodriguez who hit his 586th homer of his career yesterday at Fenway Park. For those of you who didn't waste years of your childhood memorizing these things, 586 is the same number of homers as Frank Robinson, who up until yesterday was all alone in seventh place on the all time home run list.

Rodriguez has done some damage to the list over the past few seasons. In just the last two years he has passed Ted Williams* and Willie McCovey (521), Jimmie Foxx (534), Mickey Mantle (536), Mike Schmidt (548), Reggie Jackson (563), and Rafael Palmeiro (569). Passing Palmeiro put him into the top ten. Then he passed Harmon Killebrew (573) and Mark McGwire (583). With the exception of Palmeiro, all of the above are in the Hall of Fame.

*Williams likely would be higher on the list except he missed over four seasons worth of at-bats due to military service in World War II and Korea.

Rodriguez's next homer will pull him past Robinson and into sole possession of 7th place on the list. Next is the immortal Sammy Sosa, 23 homers ahead. Barring injury, Rodriguez should pass Sosa this season. After that, things get a good bit harder. After Sosa, comes Ken Griffey, Jr. who sits fifth all time with 630 homers, but is a still active player in the figurative if not literal sense.

After Griffey Jr. things are more static if not easier. Willie Mays' 660 homers is fourth on the list, 74 homers ahead of where Rodriguez is now. Next is Babe Ruth's 714, 128 ahead. Hank Aaron's 755 puts him in second place, 169 in front of Rodriguez. After that comes Big Head Small Nuts at 762.

Bonds is 176 homers ahead of Rodriguez as of this writing. Can Rodriguez pass him? Sure. Rodriguez is only 34 years old this season, young for the top ten home run list. Nobody else is going to break Bonds' record before Rodriguez gets a chance because, besides Rodriguez and Griffey Jr. who is 40 and on his last legs, there are only two other active players in the top 15. Manny Ramirez is 38 years old and tied with Mike Schmidt at 548 for 14th place. Jim Thome is 39 and tied with Palmeiro for 11th with 569. Neither of those guys is a threat to break the top five let alone pass Bonds.

Right now nobody has a better shot at 763 than Rodriguez. What does he need to do to break the record? Well, first Rodriguez is signed for seven more seasons at ridiculous money. He'll be 41 in the last year of his contract so he'll have at least that long to catch Bonds. If you assume he only plays out the remainder of his contract, the math is pretty simple. If Rodriguez hits 26 homers for each of the next seven seasons he'll pass Bonds in 2017, the final year of his current contract.

However, the last time Rodriguez hit only 26 homers in a season was 1997, his third year in the league. He hit 23 that year and was 21 years old. So he could do it sooner. If he hits 30 a year he'll pass Bonds sometime in 2016. Thirty-six a year passes Bonds sometime in 2015. Still, this is a guy who hits 43 homers for every 162 games he plays in his career, so if he stays healthy and hits 45 a year, he sets a new record in 2014.

So it should be a slam dunk, right? Well, maybe. The only thing that will prevent Rodriguez from passing Bonds is injury. Well, I guess he could totally crater as a player, but that's unlikely. So, can Rodriguez stay healthy enough to break the record? Sure, but he's already starting to show signs of aging. Not in his production so much as by being more brittle. Rodriguez hadn't missed more than eight games a year since signing with Texas after the 2000 season. Then in 2008, he missed 24 games. In 2009 he missed 38 games. So far this season Rodriguez has only missed one game.

Just to give you a sense of history, that type of production isn't unprecedented from someone who wasn't on any steroids. From his age 35 season on, Hank Aaron hit 245 home runs. From his age 34 season through his age 41 season Aaron averaged 137 games played a year. Since he became a regular player in 1995 with Seattle, Rodriguez has topped that figure every season but twice. In 1999 when he missed 33 games, and last year when he missed 38.

All this boils down to a simple statement. If Rodriguez can stay moderately healthy, he'll break the all time home run record as a Yankee sometime in 2016 or 2017. Bank on it.

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Sox Get Crushed Again

Picture from The Boston Globe

Its early.

I say that not because it is, but in a vain attempt to calm myself after yet another thorough beating. This time it was the New York Yankees who turned a perfectly crappy spring day at Fenway into a shooting gallery, dropping 14 runs on the Sox who only mustered three of their own.

This isn't the first time the good-on-paper Sox pitching staff has laid an egg. So far, the Sox have played eight games in the eight days of May and the pitching staff has given up eight runs or more in half the games.

The Sox season has been lots of crappiness with short bursts of why-don't-they-play-like-this-all-the-time? After a prolonged crappy stretch that saw the Sox fall as many as six games below .500, they managed to claw their way back only to be swept by a Baltimore with the worst record in baseball. Then the Sox swept the Blue Jays and were back at .500 again, feeling better about their season. There were many "its a new season starting today" type quotes in the Globe. Then the Yankees came to town and it all fell apart again.

That's two nights in a row the Yankees have kicked the holy crap out of the Red Sox. They scored 10 against the Sox theoretical ace Josh Beckett yesterday and 13 today against the Sox' best starting pitcher so far, Clay Buchholz. That's not good, but you could chalk it up to two bad nights out of 162. You could, if the rest of the team didn't look like dog shit too.

Because its not just the Sox pitching that is horrendous. Its their defense too. Highly touted glove man Adrian Beltre has made some nice plays in the field, but for every good play he's made he's turned in a stinker too. Take today's game. First and third with one out in the 3rd inning. NY is up 1-0. A-Hole hits a hard grounder at Beltre which should start a double play, but instead it goes over his glove. A run scores.

The next inning after a Swisher walk, Randy Winn hits one between third and short. Beltre makes a good play to get there but has no play at second. He throws there anyway. Well, in the direction of second. The wild throw misses second by a good margin and Swisher not only takes second but third as well. Winn, who should have been thrown out at first, winds up at second. NY winds up with another run that inning.

Crappy pitching and lousy fielding is lethal combination, and for a team that was put together with the express purpose of being not just good, but excellent at both aspects, well, if something can be beyond lethal, this is it.

There's no fix, no cure-all, no great trade that is going to right the Red Sox season either. Dumping Big Papi, or trading for Adrian Gonzalez (won't happen - the Padres have a much better record than Boston) isn't going to change the course of this team. As the GM himself said a few weeks ago, this is it. This is the team and the only way they're going anywhere this season is if they play better. Much better. And they'd better do it soon too, because, you know that thing I said about it being early? Its not so early anymore.

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Caps (Not) In The Playoffs: I'm A Sad Penguin

I've been meaning to comment on the Caps and their - I don't think historic is too strong a word - defeat in the first round of the NHL playoffs, but circumstances have conspired against me. Namely, I haven't wanted to fucking think about the Caps, let alone write some semi-coherent piece on how they flushed their promising season and a great opportunity in the playoffs down the crap hole.

And yet when you look at all the text that follows you can see that's exactly what I've done. The writing anyway, maybe not so much the coherent part.

When you step back and look at it, the destruction of the Caps season is an impressive thing. This wasn't just an underdog beating a favorite and it wasn't just a one seed losing to an eight. Oh no. Sixteen teams make the NHL playoffs and the Caps were at the very top of the heap. Their opponent, Montreal, a beautiful city that I'm now contractually obligated to hate, was 16th. And yet justice isn't even served there because although they made the playoffs, the Canadiens finished behind three teams that didn't. Yes, three teams that didn't even make the playoffs were better than Montreal. By the league standings, Montreal was actually the nineteenth best team in a league of thirty.

The short version: they weren't very good. I don't need to remind you who finished first.

Whats more, and I know I've said this before but I believe its a relevant statistic, if you add up all the goals Montreal scored and subtract the goals they gave up, you actually get a negative number. -6 for those of you counting at home. The Caps were +85.

And yet none of that makes any lick of difference. The two teams faced each other in a seven game series and Montreal won four of them. End of story. It didn't matter that the Caps outscored Montreal in the series (22-20), and it didn't matter that they out-shot them forty bazillion to eight.* It only mattered that Montreal won four games while Washington won three.

*I'm too lazy to look up the actual number, but I recall reading that the Caps took over 100 more shots than Montreal did throughout the seven games. And yes, I'm pretty sure Montreal scored twenty goals on eight shots, mister mathy-pants.

The line I've been using on anyone unfortunate enough to bring up the Caps in my same zip code is its like the Titanic sinking in the way that a catastrophe of this magnitude required not one, but many, many mistakes to create the final awful result.

Which was more important?: The coaching staffs inability to adjust to Montreal's trapping system and shot blocking; the team's star players increasing intent on winning the entire series each time they touched the puck; the team's inability to crush an opponent when the perfect situation arose to do so; the team's inability to win at home; or the complete disappearance of the league's best power play?

The answer: is it doesn't matter. In the end, the result wouldn't have existed without all of the above.

The real shame of it is what a massive wasted opportunity this was. If the Caps had won, they'd have faced as easy a schedule to the Conference Finals as has ever existed since I can remember. After the 8th seeded Canadiens, the Caps would have faced the 7th seeded Flyers, and then either the 4th seeded Penguins or the 6th seeded Bruins in the Conference Finals. No road to the Stanley Cup is an easy one, but this one would have been easier than most.

The Caps are lucky in one aspect though. They have a very young team. Ovechkin, Backstrom, Green, Fehr, Varlamov, Neuvirth, Schultz, Alzner, and Carlson are all 25 or under. Of the Caps core, only Semin and Laich are older than 25, and they're 26. This is a young squad and they should have a couple more shots at this thing. Which they'll need thanks to the biggest bed crapping in team history and quite possibly in league history.

We'll let the historians sort out how massive a kick to the jimmies this was. The important thing is, in my view, for those in charge not to over-react. The easy thing to do would be to panic, make an unadvised trade, or sign someone to a crazy-huge free agent deal. That's certainly what I would do were I the Caps brain trust. Fortunately the team is guided by steadier hands than mine.

Hopefully for the Caps and the City of Washington, which hasn't exactly had the best run of things lately, they can turn what now looks like the worst moment in franchise history into a learning experience to help them in the future achieve the greatest triumph in franchise history. Because despite the way things look now, its still within their grasp.

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Penis Is Funny

There's been some weird stuff going on in the world of sports over the last few days. Unfortunately I've been preoccupied by the disappearance of my cat to comment on the tasering of some dope who ran on the field in Philly or the passing of announcing great Ernie Harwell (R.I.P., sir).

Fortunately the cat came back from God knows where yesterday just in time for me to point out this hilarious mistake. By, and you totally won't believe this, our federal government!

In short: The Atlanta Braves were in DC to play the Nationals and the Senate decided that, in light of manager Bobby Cox's expected retirement at year's end, they'd honor him with a party and a cake. It all went fine until someone realized that the cake said, and I quote, "Thanks for Fifty Great Years, Bobby Cocks!" Its funny because cock is another word for penis.

Video below:

Breaking sports news video. MLB, NFL, NBA, NHL highlights and more.

A Stanley Cup Playoffs TV Commercial that Ended Up on the Cutting Room Floor

Dunno about you, but I think it fits right in with "What if Mario wasn't so super?" and "What if Messier didn't lift an entire city?"

____________________________

What if Leon Stickle had actually been looking at the blueline?

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You Call That a Wilbon Potshot?

Then peep this:

Just to set the stage: Arenas just finished serving 30 days in a halfway house for bringing guns into the Washington Wizards locker room and is suspended indefinitely from playing in the NBA. He is also being sued by a California weapons broker for more than $70,000 because it claims he ordered five (!!!) Beretta pistols -- with silencers -- and never picked them up or paid for them. Kobe, meanwhile, is leading the Lakers as they steamroll toward a third consecutive appearance in the NBA Finals.

I know it's stone-cold retarded to bring this up this ancient column at this particular moment. I'm just trying to invite myself to Matty's party.

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Hey Wilbon: They Call Them Team Sports For A Reason

You may recall a while back that Washington Post columnist Michael Wilbon wrote that Ben Roethlisberger was the best quarterback in the NFL. Why? Because, "Ben has won two Super Bowls!"

Those of you with more than a pea-sized brain might recognize that Roethlisberger, though he more than adequately mans the quarterback position, does not play any position on the offensive or defensive lines, coach the team, or to my knowledge, participate on special teams. This is a long way of saying Roethlisberger didn't win the Super Bowls by himself. Wilbon apparently believes differently.

I bring this old news back up because Wilbon still hasn't divested himself of this simple (in the retarded sense) idea. In fact, this past Sunday, Wilbon wrote the following in the Washington Post:

If LeBron James is going to be something other than the NBA version of Alex Ovechkin, which is to say a transcendent talent who collects all kinds of individual hardware but cannot win a championship, he needs to lead his team past Boston, and he should.

There is so much wrong with with that I hardly know where to start. Maybe I should begin with the fact that James has been in the NBA for seven years while Ovechkin has only five years experience. So, shouldn't it be that Ovechkin is in danger of becoming the LeBron James of hockey?

Michael Jordan took 7 years to win an NBA title. Loser! Wayne Gretzky, known as "The Great One", didn't win a Stanley Cup for five years and then after he was traded to LA he never won one again. Clearly its his fault the Kings weren't as good as Edmonton.

But all of that is ancillary to the central point, which is teams win championships not individual players. Individual players have greater impacts in certain sports (basketball for instance where fewer players play a higher percentage of the game), but to suggest that Ovechkin is solely responsible for losing in the first round is just... well, there's no other word for it, stupid. Its just stupid.

So is suggesting that LeBron James is a loser for not winning the NBA championship, by the way.
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