Breaking News: I'm An Idiot!

Your humble author deep in thought.

There are two important rules to follow when predicting anything.

Rule #1: Don't listen to me.

Rule #2: Take that dildo out of your ass and refer to Rule #1.

You need to follow these rules for two good reasons.

Reason #1: I clearly don't have a damn idea what I'm talking about.

Reason #2: I unnecessarily number things.

Take my POOOOST!!! from yesterday where I predicted the Eagles will beat the Cowboys. How'd that work out? Terrible. Not only was I wrong, but the game wasn't even close. Anytime the team you picked loses by 20 points, that's what we in 'the industry' call, and apologies if I'm getting too technical here, a Retarded Prediction. "RP" for short.

OK, sure, that was just one call. It hardly proves gross incompetence on the type of scale I'm claiming. Well, look at the same post from yesterday. I stated that the Bengals would beat the Jets by more than a touchdown. Had I predicted the exact opposite I'd have been correct.

But my predicting gets worse. Take, for example, any football game this past season. If you picked the games I picked, you'd be fired. I should probably be fired too, but nobody is reading this. Also, its hard to be fired from something you do for free. I mean, it can happen, but not often.

In conclusion, when I say, "The Nards will win," I'm wrong. They won't. When I say, "The Buttholes are gonna beat the Cornholes by 23," I'm way off base and Andy Pettitte is on the mound. When I say, "McCain has this one in the bag," don't listen to me. I'm wrong. And when I say, "That's it! I'm swallowing all these pills and there's nothing you can do to stop me!", don't worry. I won't.

Also, Matt Holiday to the Yankees? Not even close.
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