RIP Abe

Abe Pollin died yesterday. He was 85 years old. It was his vision that brought the Capitals and Wizards Bullets to downtown Washington DC, starting a revitalization process in our nation's capital that is still moving forward.

Before that, Pollin built the Capital Centre and brought professional basketball to Washington DC. A few years later, Pollin brought an expansion NHL hockey franchise, the Washington Capitals, to Washington as well. This was all in the time after baseball had abandoned DC twice. Pollin brought professional sports back to a city that people thought wasn't suitable for such events. He single handedly brought about a new age of sports in Washington.

In the spring of 1978 the Bullets brought an NBA championship to Washington, the first pro sports championship Washington had seen in 36 years. It was to be Pollin's only championship. Despite winning more regular season hockey games than any franchise in the NHL during the 1980s, the Capitals could never quite get over the hump in the playoffs. The Bullets had their moments, but never put together a team great enough to deal with the Magic Johnsons and Larry Birds of the time.

This is the professional sporting environment I grew up in. I used to attend Capitals and Bullets games at the old Capital Centre. For some reason we always seemed to go to Caps games on Stick Night. I have about ten old street hockey sticks with the fake signatures of Capitals teams from the mid '80's printed on them. I have seen Manute Bol, at the time the tallest player to ever appear in an NBA game, put on a Bullets jersey. I have seen Muggsy Bogues, at the time one of the smallest players ever to appear in an NBA game, do the same. And I have seen the Bullets draft both of them in a two year span. And lose anyway. Sheesh.

By all accounts, Pollin was an intensely loyal person, and this was his undoing in the world of pro sports. Attributes that would have served him as a player, were his downfall as an owner. Despite results that would have caused multiple house cleanings in other NBA franchises, Pollin stuck to the people he knew and trusted even when they consistently put a sub-par product on the floor.

In pro sports, deserved or not, Pollin was a lovable loser, the owner who did right by his employees but never quite possessed the coldblooded nature necessary to win in pro sports. Replacing people he knew and liked wasn't in Pollin's nature, so he didn't do it, and his teams probably suffered for it.

Despite his team's lack of success, Pollin saw untapped potential in downtown Washington DC. In 1997 he opened what was then the MCI Center (since renamed Verizon Center), a new state of the art home for the Wizards and Capitals. The "Phone Booth" was the catalyst that spurred new development around the area, helping to create what is now a fun and safe (for the most part) place to be. Whats more and to his undying credit, Pollin didn't threaten the city with the removal of his teams to have it built. Instead, like Capital Centre, he simply built it himself.

Part of Pollin's legacy will be the lack of success on the court and ice, but part will also be his philanthropy. Pollin used his wealth and fame to fight the plagues of poverty and homelessness in his adopted home of Washington DC (Pollin was born in Philadelphia). His business ventures made him important, but his generosity and kindness made him an icon.

Pollin was one of the last gentleman sports franchise owners. He wasn't perfect and had his faults (just ask Michael Jordan), but for what Pollin brought to and did for Washington, he was a vital part of the community. He will be missed.

You can read what better writers who actually knew Pollin have to say here (John Feinstein) and here (Michael Wilbon). I have only one thing left to add.

Go in peace, Mr. Pollin. And thank you.
.

Michael Wilbon Will Make His Choices In Spite Of Your "Evidence"

If you could chose three quarterbacks to start a team with, or to play this year, or what ever, which three would you chose?

The first two are obvious. You'd take Peyton Manning and Tom Brady in some order first and second. Those guys are the best. They've led the league in just about every important stat you can imagine and they've both won Super Bowls. They're the consensus best two players at their position and the only real argument is which one is better.

After that you're likely picking from a list that includes Drew Brees, Phillip Rivers, and Aaron Rodgers. Kurt Warner, Carson Palmer and Donovan McNabb are in the discussion somewhere too. Personally, I'd probably take Drew Brees third, but there's lots of room for argument. There isn't one right answer.

Michael Wilbon would take Ben Roethlisberger. But not third. First.

Wilbon would take Roethlisberger over Tom Brady and over Peyton Manning because Wilbon thinks that Roethlisberger is the best quarterback in the NFL.

Hard to believe, right? On January 19th, of this year Wilbon wrote, "If I had to win a game to save my own life I'd take Roethlisberger over everybody who played in the NFL this season [2008] , and that includes everybody named Manning." In fairness, that didn't include Tom Brady because Brady was hurt all year.

OK, Wilbon, reprieve time. What do you have for us?

This (from September 10th of this year): "Roethlisberger [is] now the game's best QB. Yes, the best QB. Not passer, not stat compiler, but QB." That same day on PTI, his ESPN TV show on, Wilbon again said he'd take Roethlisberger over every other quarterback in the NFL.

So, Wilbon believes that Roethlisberger is the best quarterback in football. There's only one problem with this. It is obviously, completely, and painfully wrong.

I said above that there might not be a right answer, but that doesn't mean there aren't wrong answers and this is a wrong answer. Wrong. You can argue Peyton over Brady, or Brees over Manning, or what ever, but you can't argue Roethlisberger over any of those guys.

If your criteria is QB rating, Roethlisberger comes in tied for sixth with Drew Brees among active quarterbacks behind Manning (P.), Romo, Rivers, Brady, and Warner. If you want to get more statistical and use DYAR, Roethlisberger comes in 9th this year, 23rd in '08, 11th in '07, 11th in '06... blah blah blah you get the picture. During that time frame neither Brady nor Manning finished lower than fifth (Brady in '06) and other than, both finished either first or second every year they were eligible.

But, maybe stats aren't your bag, baby. And Wilbon did make a distinction between quarterback and passer and stat compiler. I'm not sure I get the last one (aren't statistics just records of what happened on the field?) but let's go with it.

So, what other criteria could Wilbon use for picking Roethlisberger? In this article Wilbon quotes Byron Leftwich saying, "He wins." So, OK, we'll look at quarterback wins.

Ignoring for a moment the sheer stupidity of assigning wins to any single player in a team sport, Roethlisberger's career record is 57-23. That's a winning percentage of .713. Pretty damn good, and better than Brees .557 (64-51), Warner .573 (63-47), Favre .637 (177-101), Rivers .684 (39-18), and even Peyton Manning .681 (126-59)*.

* Although if you take away Manning's 3-13 rookie season when the Colts were terrible, his record goes to 123-46, a winning percentage of .727.

But Roethlisberger's .713 regular season winning percentage isn't better than Brady's sick .775 (93-27).

But maybe when Wilbon quoted Leftwich, he meant playoff and Super Bowl wins. Roethisberger is 8-2 in the playoffs (.800 winning percentage) and 2-0 in Super Bowls. Brady is 14-3 in the playoffs (.824) and 3-1 in Super Bowls. So, actually, no.

This comes down to a ridiculously stupid argument. Roethlisberger is a fine quarterback, but nobody can adequately argue that he is the best quarterback in football without using some nebulously grit-filled moronitude.
.

Fail To The Redskins!

Chief Count'em Chickens rubs his eyes after yet another Redskins loss.

It doesn't take much in DC. A single victory at home over a reeling Broncos team and their inept back up quarterback and all of a sudden the entire city of Washington is making plans for late January. At 3-6 with a loss to the low-as-they-come Lions still eating at my gut, the smart money isn't on running the table. But smart money has nothing on the Washington Redskins or their starved-for-a-winner fans.

As fun as it would be to see this team pull together and go on a run, the best possible scenario for the long term health of the franchise is for the Redskins to lose their remaining seven games. Its not about higher draft position. That's not important. The Redskins would likely screw that up anyway. (Don't believe me? Take a look at the team's draft history and tell me I'm wrong.) The point is that this goes beyond the team. The organization is fundamentally screwed up.

The cliche that all problems start at the top is true, but Dan Snyder isn't going anywhere. All the 'Fire Snyder' and 'Worst. Owner. Ever." signs are nice, but that's a non-starter. Somehow, Snyder lucked into a half billion dollars, bought the Redskins, and the other NFL owners let him. Whats more, all his other investments are going down the tubes, so it's not like he's going to sell the only thing that he makes him money. The only hope is that, like George Steinbrenner, another owner who came into ownership and immediately tried to buy up every good player in sight, Snyder learns from his mistakes.

In the ten years he's owned the team, the Redskins have won a single playoff game. One. They've made the playoffs three times during Snyder's tenure as owner and have yet to win eleven games. Since Snyder bought the team in May of 1999, the Redskins cumulative record is 79-90. That's a .467 winning percentage, or the equivalent of a yearly 7-9 record. That's mediocrity, and it's also crazy-expensive mediocrity.

At some point its going to dawn on Snyder that what he's doing simply is not working. A year where they start off 2-6 and then go 6-2 the rest of the way sends the message, "Keep doing what you're doing." A year were they start off 2-6, win once, and then lose the next seven says, "You better wise up quick, son."

That's not to say Snyder will get that message. He is likely much more receptive to hearing the first message. In fact, he may hear the first even though the second is the one being sent. But for the long term health of the franchise, Snyder has to hear that second message at some point.

I'm not convinced that the Redskins can't win with Cerrato pulling the strings while Snyder pulls his (strings). What I am entirely convinced of is that they can't win consistently. Look at the Redskins records over the past ten years. They've gone 10-6, 8-8, 8-8, 7-9, 5-11, 6-10, 10-6, 5-11, 9-7, 8-8 and are currently 3-6. If you can get any pattern out of that, well, you're an impressive mathy-type person. They've got two ten win seasons, but also two eleven loss seasons. It's not a record that shows improvement or any above-average capabilities. Instead, it's a record that ebbs and flows with the tides.

Could the Redskins luck into a 12-4 year? Absolutely. They could get an easy schedule and experience no major injuries over a 16 game schedule just like any other team. They could just as easily luck into a 4-12 year. While they may win 12 once with this management and philosophy in place, they won't do it twice, and any type of sustained run like the Colts, Patriots, or Eagles (check their regular season record over the last ten years) is virtually impossible.

The reason is simple: the people in charge of the team simply aren't smart enough. The way to win in the NFL is to draft effectively, especially the later rounds of the draft where player's salaries are effectively nothing. Supplementing quality obtained in the draft with expensive free agents that fit an immediate need is smart. Building the team around expensive and inevitably older players simply isn't. But that's exactly what the Redskins have done and continue to do.

Earlier I used an analogy to George Steinbrenner. I hesitated to use it because in baseball you actually can win with the Dan Snyder/Vinny Cerrato philosophy. Baseball players have much longer careers than football players so giving them long term expensive contracts is not nearly as costly as it is in the NFL. You can give Mark Teixeira an eight year deal at huge money and if you do regret it, it'll only be at the very end of the deal (barring catastrophic injury of course). Also, in baseball there is no salary cap. If Teixeira for some reason can't play (injury, unexpected downturn in performance) the Yankees can just go out and buy someone else.

The Redskins can't operate like that because the salary cap won't let them. They can go out and give Albert Haynesworth a huge deal, and he'll probably play very well (and he is) for the first number of years. But then the pounding is going to take it's toll on him like it does to everyone who plays in the NFL and he's going to become a good player that doesn't play all the time who is paid like a superstar. Or, they'll cut him and he'll become a good player for someone else who just crushed your salary cap like a fat man sitting on a paper cup.

My point: The Redskins would be better off in the long run if they lost this year. A minimal amount of success will convince those currently in power that they should stay there. If you look hard enough for a specific sign, then that's the sign you are likely to see. Snyder is looking for the 'You're do'n a hellova job, Brownie' sign with all his might. It's going to take something fierce for him to realize what he's doing isn't effective.

He may never realize it, but if he does, it'll be because the team performs very badly. Only then will he realize his choice is 'win their way' or 'lose your way'. Hopefully then he'll make the right decision and turn the organization over to a competent football man.
.

Madd Tweetz from tha Quarter-Pole Smoker

During the past several weeks I have had, scientifically speaking, a metric shit-ton of work to do ("shit-tonne" in Canada). Thus, my posting has dried to virtual dust and I've resorted to T!!!'s Twitter account to, well, account for myself.

But I finally have a day off, and in keeping with my recent practice of developing nothing intellectually rigorous or even remotely thoughtful, here is a summary of the NHL season at its approximate quarter-pole... in Tweet-acceptable form. Below are capsules for each team, none of which exceeds 140 characters.

Note that the teams are presented in the order of the current standings by points percentage rather than points because it's more predictive of a team's performance and where it'll end up in the final standings. Frex, the Senators have 19 points in 17 games, which is better than Boston's 20 points in 20 games because of Ottawa's games in hand.

Eastern Conference
Atlantic Division
New Jersey
Their roster takes a licking and they keep on ticking me off. Flyers got a big win against them, though.

Pittsburgh
Fleury should start in net for Team Canada; he won't. With a return to health, they will win the division again.

Philadelphia
Stevens has now coached the Flyers longer than Hitchcock did. Emery has been adequate, Pronger excellent.

NY Rangers
The Euro-est team in the NHL -- King Henrik, Gaborik, Kotalik, Prospal, Lisin, Anisimov, Sean Avery's wardrobe...

NY Islanders
Building it right -- Tavares already good, Okposo is a Rick Nash starter kit. Mark Streit may be the NHL's most underrated defenseman.

Northeast Division
Buffalo
How much worse would this team be if they kept Cambell, Drury and Briere? With Miller in net for Team USA, we have great odds to medal.

Ottawa
In exchange for Dany Heatley, received a box of Timbits. Invisible Timbits. At least Mike Fisher has regained his form.

Boston
If you didn't know how good Marc Savard is, you do now that he's injured. Still underachieving; candidate for a panic coaching change?

Montreal
Rotating cast, same crummy play -- like "Antoine and Christiane's Wedding" up there. Would Price be any good if someone else'd drafted him?

Toronto
May have given up the #1 overall pick to a division rival to acquire the (admittedly excellent) Kessel. Weak, soft, and dumb up front.

Southeast Division
Washington
Will roll & smoke this division, but lack cap space to address potential emergencies in net and at #2 center.

Atlanta
May actually be building a decent young team. Won't find out if Kovalchuk jumps ship after the season.

Tampa Bay
Prime candidate for relocation. Much more respectable on the ice than in the front office. Or at the bank.

Florida
Losing David Booth is a catastrophe for a team that already can't score. Hope he's healthy in time to play for Team USA.

Carolina
Completely off the rails already, now without Staal and Ward too. Lots of expiring contracts to move for picks; will rebuild fast.

Western Conference
Central Division
Chicago
So talented, it's almost fun to watch 'em whup you. Paying worst defenseman more than $50M. Should try to get Marty Biron before DET does.

Detroit
Lost a lot of handy second/third-line guys, then injuries struck... But it's probably a poor idea to count them out, as usual.

Columbus
Used a slew of high draft picks on Euros, then hired Ken Hitchcock to try to coach them. (??!?!) Rick Nash still a stud.

Nashville
Will be gone in 3 years. Still a more successful venture than either of the teams the NHL has put in Atlanta.

St. Louis
Another candidate for a panic coaching change. Best team in the NHL the last month of last season; was it illusory?

Northwest Division
Calgary
No compelling reason why they won't win the division barring an injury to Kiprusoff. Hopefully Phaneuf can learn to play D from Jay Bo.

Colorado
Incredible start with G Anderson and two rookies straight from Juniors. Have they piled up enough points to ride into the playoffs?

Vancouver
Already hamstrung by Olympics road trip, injuries further dampen their chances. All of a sudden, the brawlin'est team in the league.

Edmonton
Penner producing now that he doesn't have a coach who publicly emasculates him every 15 minutes. Said as much, criticized by Canadian press.

Minnesota
Should continue to improve after horrid start; great goaltending. Probably too many quality teams to jump over to reach the playoffs.

Pacific Division
San Jose
Bottom 6 forwards greatly improved; Heatley terrific so far. But nothing they can do to convince anyone they won't fold in the playoffs.

Los Angeles
Really nice-looking, maturing group up front and on D. Goaltending still merely acceptable. Huge disappointment if they miss the playoffs.

Dallas
Noticeable improvement from Turco and B. Richards, and last year looks like more of a hiccup than a brick wall. Playoff team.

Phoenix
Signed a few quality UFAs on the cheap; Tippett has them playing hard. Still absolutely hopeless.

Anaheim
Getzlaf has awakened, Bobby Ryan still hasn't. Another candidate for a coaching change. Jonas Hiller is like a Shooter Tutor -- just go high.

Now back to watching a Habs/Hurricanes shootout in French... Both goalies pitched shutouts until the sixth round when... le buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuut!!! Good stuff.

.

Its Déjà Poop All Over Again

Warning: this post contains discussion of Fantasy Football. And swearing. Lots of swearing. Avert your children's eyes.

I play in two fantasy football leagues. They're run by the same guy, Jon Stover. Last week, I was matched up with Stover in his Beyond The Jimmy Hat league. I was 5-3 and had won 5 of my last 6 games. He was 2-6 and dead in the water. Yet, after all the Sunday games had ended, his Pennsylvania Dutch Ovens led my Whoreville Fucksticks 92-78.

All his players had played already, but I had one left: Mike Wallace. No, not this guy and not this guy either. Mike Wallace, the wide receiver for the Pittsburgh Steelers.

Never heard of him? I'm not surprised. The short version is I did an f'n terrible job of drafting the Fucksticks and as a result I have to hit the waiver wire pretty hard each week. Wallace showed some promise and was available for free so I grabbed him and dropped him right into my lineup.

So, Monday night comes, and through the third quarter Wallace has 69 yards and a touchdown. That's good for 12 points with a quarter to go. I'm an f'n genius! All Wallace needs is 11 yards for a tie. If he gets 21 yards or scores again, I win. I can just see the little balls of sweat dripping down Stover's forehead and onto the shaft of the penis he surely has in his mouth as he watches his team lose in the most improbable way.

But my revelry is short lived. The Steelers are up big at that point and they go into full run mode. Wallace barely sees the field in the fourth quarter, doesn't accumulate even another yard and as a result, I lose, 92-90.

Fast forward to this past weekend. In Stover's other league, the (Foot)balls league, my Gashouse Gorillas (reference explained here) are playing his team, who's name he changes on a weekly basis. It's currently called "They Fucking Superimposed Me", and I have no idea what it refers to, but Stover is a pretty funny guy so he's probably talking about his penis. Or glory holes.

Unlike the Fucksticks though, the Gorillas are actually a pretty good team. ESPN projects that I'll win. But after the Sunday games conclude I'm down big, 88-62. It's Déjà poop all over again.

At this point all of Stover's players are done, but (again) I have one left for Monday night: The Ravens Defense/Special Teams. The Ravens are playing the Cleveland Browns, who's offense is stupendously horrific. Still, 26 points is a massive amount for any defense to make up, even against a team as turdish as the Browns.

Despite my pessimism, with about 10 minutes to go in the game the Browns have thrown two picks, one for a touchdown, given up a bunch of sacks and not scored a single point. All of this combines for 24 fantasy points, making the score 88-86. I'm only down two! FUCKING TWO POINTS!! COME ON YOU PIECES OF SHIT!!! ONE INT, TWO SACKS! PLEASE!

Nope. The Browns were sitting back throwing every damn down but, somehow Brady Quinn didn't throw any more interceptions and didn't get sacked. Final score: 88-86.

My comeback falls short. Again. I lose to Stover. Again. By two f'n points. Again.
.

Lots of Things Have Gone On While I Wasn't Paying Attention

For one, my team won another pennant, but this time lost in the World Series. Furthermore, Andy Reid still hasn't shat out the running plays. Also, this:

Just today I found out that, back in July, we lost the legendary comic actor Les Lye. Don't recognize the name? See here:









Thanks and farewell, gentle friend...

.

Mike Sellers, Drunk On Victory, Calls 'em The "Cowgirls"

The D.C. Sports Bog is just awesome (home of the above screengrab came from, by the way).

After yesterday's astounding victory over Denver, which something possessed me to actually watch in public even after turning down tickets to see it in person, Mike Sellers was asked the question, 'who do you play next week?'. That's Mike "catcher of the TD Pass Of The Century from Punter Hunter Smith" Sellers. And so, drunk on victory, the first in about two months, Mike Sellers said the following:

"The Cowgirls."

Actually, let me print that the same way it'll be on the corkboard in the Cowboys locker room:

"The Cowgirls."

I can't deny at first it made me smile and think, "This is going to be fun."

But then I thought about it for a half a minute, and my inner Redskins fan came out. The one tempered in the raw shitfires of Norv Turner and Michael Westbrook and Vinny Cerrato.

Now I think Sellers should've kept his fat mouth shut. And I love Mike Sellers and I some part of me loves that he's calling out the Cowboys at 3-6. But, really, does anyone semi-objective think that the Redskins have a shot at the Cowboys in Dallas after they got smoked by Green Bay? Then Sellers throws some good old fashioned name calling on that pile, covers it in gasoline and tosses on a lit match. OK, how bout now?

Now what comes to mind is "this is going to be horrible and embarrassing and awful" and "I'd better come up with something else to do at 1pm next Sunday afternoon."

Shit.
.

LeBron James is a Self-Centered Bastard

Elgin Baylor begat Connie Hawkins begat Julius Erving begat Michael Jordan begat Kobe Bryant begat LeBron James.

Apparently The Chosen One forgot to read the first few chapters of NBA scripture.

“[Jordan] can’t get the logo, and if he can’t, something has to be done. I feel like no NBA player should wear 23. I’m starting a petition, and I’'ve got to get everyone in the NBA to sign it. Now, if I’m not going to wear No. 23, then nobody else should be able to wear it.”

Note to LeBron: NBA history didn’t begin in 1984.

James’recent declaration that he had decided to change his number, and that the entire NBA should follow his shepherding and retire the number 23 – which comes at a time when he has decided that he is tired of answering 2010 free agency questions so he drummed up a diversion – is one of the most immature and arrogant things I’ve ever heard (err, “Witnessed”).

LeBron has said that he has decided to switch to number 6, his number with the US Olympic team. I can kinda see dropping 23 to honor Jordan, but there’s one problem with selecting number 6 as a replacement: it was the number of two of the greatest players in NBA history. Bill Russell, perhaps the greatest winner in the history of team sports wore it, as did Julius Erving, the league’s biggest star in the 70’s and a player whose silhouette would make an excellent logo - kick ass afro and all.

"I just think what Michael Jordan has done for the game has to be recognized in some way — soon," James said. "There would be no LeBron James, no Kobe Bryant, no Dwyane Wade, you name all the best players in the league right now and the last 10 years, there would be none of us without Michael Jordan."

There would be no Michael Jordan without Dr. J. There would be no NBA without Bill Russell. Donning number 6 is a slap in the face to these Hall of Fame greats – hell, if there were a NBA Mount Rushmore, Jordan would be joined by Russell and maybe Erving. You're not there yet LBJ.

To be fair, James has said that Dr. J is his second favorite player, and his first child was born on Oct. 6, but if you're going to use Jordan's greatness and impact as an excuse to have number 23 retired, then you can't ignore that Russell and Erving were just as important.

As far as a league-wide number retirement, it has only happened with two players: Wayne Gretzky and Jackie Robinson. Gretzky was such a massive icon in Canada and was SO far superior to any player that had come before him that even if they didn’t retire number 99 – already an unusual number and never worn by any player of note before Gretz – it is safe to assume that no player would ever choose it out of reverence.

Robinson’s number was retired, not only for his exploits on the diamond, but mainly for the sociological and historical impact that he had in breaking the color barrier in baseball and becoming a figurehead in African-American history. Robinson paved the way for Jordan and would turn over in his grave if anyone dared compare MJ to him. And Russell endured tremendous racism during his career in Boston, yet maintained his integrity and continued to deliver championships to the very city that treated him so poorly. Jordan went through nothing like these men. He got to remain a socially apathetic, vanilla corporation who never did anything to rock the boat of commerce for himself.

Check out the current list of players wearing number 23 in the NBA: Jason Richardson (Suns), OKC rookie Byron Mullins, Knicks rookie Toney Douglas, Kevin Martin (Sacramento), Stephen Graham (Charlotte), C.J. Watson (Golden State), Marcus Camby (Clippers), Jodie Meeks (Milwaukee), Devin Brown (New Orleans), Lou Williams (Philly), Martell Webster (Portland), and Wesley Matthews (Utah).

It’s quite obvious that, not only do NBA players not hold Jordan in the same stratosphere as NHL players hold Gretzky, but teams are more than willing to actually let virtual D-Leaguers wear Jordan’s old digits.

His Airness - who was actually in the crowd during the TNT-televised game where LeBron dropped his plan on an unsuspecting world - definitely took the game to a level it had never reached before, especially in terms of marketing and jersey sales, and it’s clear what James is trying to do here: sell more LeBron jerseys (remember the Global Icon quotes). He saw Kobe go from #3 in sales to #1 when he changed from number 8 to number 24. Right now, LeBron is ranked third – and if he does change teams next year AND has a new number, his jersey sales will explode.

The decision to change jersey numbers is a desperate move by a man who can see that the only title he can possibly win any time soon is The 2010 NBA Whore of the Year Trophy.

Update: It looks like LeBron's efforts are being slapped out to half-court Mutombo style:

Lakers coach Phil Jackson, who coached Jordan in Chicago, endorsed the idea, though noted it might be “a little step on the toes for a guy like Magic (Johnson) or (Larry) Bird.”

That seems to be one reason for disagreement with James’ plan. Charles Barkley said after James’ interview that Johnson and Bird “had a greater impact on the game than Michael Jordan.”

I'm An Idiot: Why The Yankees Will Never Lose

Derek Jeter can go suck a monkey cock for all I care.

I was going to write a post about the imminent demise of the Yankees. It was to be titled, "The Imminent Demise Of The Yankees." Clever, eh? I've retitled it more appropriately because there will be no imminent demise of the Yankees. This is because there are only two things can bring the Yankees down, both threats coming from within: 1) lousy ownership, and 2) stupid people running the front office.

After watching what Dan Snyder has done to my once-proud Redskins, any team can be brought down by a bad owner. No team is inoculated from this, but the Yankees are as close as you can get. They are the premiere brand in baseball, but on top of that, they're from New York and are incredibly successful. These aspects combine to make them super crazy omega expensive (technically speaking) to purchase. Further, their current ownership shows no signs of wanting to get out, and as long as the hyper competitive Steinbrenner clan owns and operates them, things should remain as they are.

Even if the ownership is good (i.e. spends money, stays the hell out of the way) they can still be ruined by stupid people running the franchise. (You'll note the Redskins have both problems.) Should Brian Cashman, a good GM, decide to leave and the Steinbrenners decide on Jim Bowden* as his replacement that could deep-six the franchise for a few years. But even then, the team has the financial wherewithal and cache to pull itself out of any self-induced rut quickly.

So, the point. The Yankees have too much money to not be good. They may not win the Series every year, in fact, they won't, but they'll make the playoffs most of the time, even in the AL East with three other teams all spending crazy money and/or trying to win.

As long as the Yankees remain committed to winning from the owners suite and don't develop an atmosphere so poisonous as to counter-act their reputation as The Sports Franchise in North America, they should continue to be successful.

Dammit.

____
* For those not in the know, Bowden is my go-to moron. Well, him and Steve Phillips. If I ever owned a team I'd hire both of them as co-GMs. That would be fucking hilarious. Two egotistical self promoting morons fighting it out over the best way to ruin the team. Wonderful. Just wonderful.
.

The Evil Empire Strikes Back

Well, that totally took, like, forever, or something.

And in effort to be helpful, if Yankee fans can't figure out where to put that 27th ring, I have some ideas.
.

Eff All a Y'all - Dirk is a Badass

Dirk Nowitzki gets no respect.

He is arguably one of the top 10 players in the entire league: Kobe, LeBron, Duncan, Garnett, Wade, Dwight Howard, Chris Paul and Nash are in there and Carmelo looks like he’s making a huge leap this year. Dirk’s consistency and reliability – he has the longest streak of 20-point games in the NBA at 28, is a former league MVP, an eight-time All-Star and a nine-time All-NBA selection – is widely overlooked. Why? Part of it has to be because he’s German and a relatively quiet star; the first things we ever heard about his private life came this past summer with the whole Crystal Taylor imbroglio, but other than that, nothing. Part of it may be the national opinion that he’s a playoff choker, a notion largely fed by the Mavs’ collapse in the 2006 Finals and the Golden State loss of 2007. Yet somehow a lack of playoff success doesn’t tarnish the reputations of Nash, Garnett (pre-Celtics), Carmelo, Paul and to some degree, even LeBron who has yet to hoist a championship trophy. Hell, until his rash of injuries, you’d even see columnists taking T-Mac over Dirk even though he’s never won a single playoff series.

If any of them turned in a performance that even vaguely resembled what Nowitzki did last night it would be on the front page of every sports website this morning, yet ESPN.com and NBA.com didn’t even have a word about it on their main pages. In fact, on NBA.com, after a couple clicks finally led me to a small picture of Dirk, they downplayed his outburst, tagging it with the caption “Nightly Notable”.

Nightly fucking “notable?!”

In case you missed it, here a few items about the spanking that Nowitzki handed the Utah Jazz last night:

-During the deciding stretch in the 4^th quarter, from 9:36 to 1:29, Dirk made a ridiculous 27 of the team’s 31 points in single-handedly bringing the Mavs from 16 down to four points up.

-He finished with 29 points in the quarter, the fourth-highest scoring quarter in NBA history, trailing only George Gervin & Carmelo (33), David Thompson (32) and Wilt (31). Let that sink in for a second. In 63 seasons only FOUR players have had better quarters.

-His overall line for the game was 40 pts, 11 RB, 5 assists and 5 blocks - a line that has only been matched by two other players in the last 20 years – Shaq in 2001 and twice by David Robinson.

Aren’t those accomplishments a little more than “notable?” Especially when you take in to account that the team was absolutely miserable offensively through the first three quarters – their 44-point fourth quarter doubled the team’s offensive output of any of the first three quarters (17-18-17-44) – and needed Dirk to go batshit to carry them out of a 16-point ditch. These weren’t empty numbers in a blowout. This was a time capsule-worthy night by a future Hall of Famer.

While celebrating the greatness Dirk threw down last night, I would be remiss not to take a look at the complete pants-shitting by supposed “great” coach Jerry Sloan. Maybe he was spellbound by Dirk’s offensive show, but how in the hell does he leave sloth-like Mehmut Okur on Nowitzki through the entire eruption. Dirk would get the ball and size Okur up like a killer whale closing in on a wounded seal – and make no mistake, Okur knew he was about to be abused – before blowing by him and scoring at will. Sloan even had noted defensive stopper Andrei Kirilenko on the court, yet sat there stone-faced, refusing to make a change as Dirk piled on the points. Hell, Sloan didn’t even call a timeout during the Mavs’ run had erased the entire 16-point lead, with 2:38 left in the game and the outcome a mere formality. Unforgivable.

And while we’re on this topic, how and why is Sloan still considered one of the best coaches in the league? Since the Jazz went to the NBA Finals in 1997 and 1998, they’ve only been out of the first round of the playoffs four times, and only past the second round once, and even failed to make the playoffs three times. They’ve only won 50 games four times in eleven years and have pretty much settled in to being a borderline playoff team in the Western conference. No free agents want to deal with Sloan’s antiquated coaching style; in fact, it even looks like his current team is tuning him out. It’s comparable to Tom Landry in his final years with the Cowboys when it was obvious that the game had passed him by yet he was so entrenched in the team’s history that the organization held on to him too long and suffered because of it.

Whereas Sloan can’t seem to do enough damage for his coaching reputation to take on any water, Dirk likely will never be able to receive the proper respect he deserves, short of winning a title. You could argue that he’s a few minutes away from being held in a completely different light in NBA history. If the Mavericks had closed out game 3 in 2006 and gone on to capture the trophy, Nowitzki’s performance last night would be held up as one of the greatest in league history. Instead, it’s merely “notable.”

To Play Or Not To Play: The NHL Players, The Owners, And The Burden Of Risk

As anyone who gives a rat's flying crap about the NHL knows, the league is closing down for two weeks to accommodate the players desire to represent their countries in the Olympic games in Vancouver, BC, Canada. This is all well and good and it'll be a great tournament.

But as Tracee Hamilton of the Washington Post points out, the league owners are bearing all of the risk, have no safety net, and receive none of the rewards. For the players there is glory. For the Olympic Committee there are bribes, and for the host city there is money, money, money, exposure, money and more money. But what happens if someone gets hurt?

The Olympics aren't paying Alex Ovechkin's salary, the Washington Capitals are. All $124 million over 13 years. This isn't the NFL. If Ovechkin gets seriously injured and can't play up to the the incredibly high standards that netted him that massive contact, the Caps have to pay it anyway. There is roughly 11 years and $105 million left on that deal by the way. It is no stretch to say that the future of the Washington Capitals franchise depends on Ovechkin remaining healthy enough to fulfill that contract to the best of his ability.

Hamilton:

Caps owner Ted Leonsis began laying out the NHL's position with precision before I'd even finished asking the question. Shutting down operations for 14 days is costly. To make up for that time off, the league started earlier this season, and during some weeks, teams play four games instead of the more typical three. Local TV rights holders lose programming -- and of course they have no access to Olympic programming to make up for it.

"Somebody is making a lot of money around the Olympics," Leonsis said. "It's not the NHL, not the players. Just something that doesn't sit right there. The league is tremendously inconvenienced."

I have a hard time imagining how this can continue, and no idea how it happened in the first place. Maybe Leonsis has no say in the matter, but there is no way in hell as the owner of the Caps, a franchise who couldn't sell any games out as recently as a few years ago, that I'd let my meal ticket, the player who revived the franchise, go play in another tournament while I'm paying his salary.

And where is NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman? I understand wanting to make the players happy and wanting to grow the sport, but imagine if Crosby or Ovechkin got hurt? Or both? It's the nightmare scenario, and it could so damage the league that the payoff simply can't be worth it.

The International Olympic Committee will have to pony up serious cash and insure all player salaries for the remainder of the contracts for this to work. But insuring every one's contracts won't happen, it's just too expensive. You think the IOC wants to be on the hook for $124 million?

So enjoy it while it lasts, people, cause this is the last time the players get to play in the Olympics. There's just too much at stake for this to ever happen again.
.

Celebrate Elsewhere, Please

.

Gary Matthews, Jr. Is Not Good At Baseball, Does Not Understand Finances

Rather than talk about last night, let's insult someone. How's Gary Matthews, Jr. grab ya?

***

Baseball teams spend tens of millions of dollars analyzing players and on top of that, they attract some of the best and brightest people imaginable. And yet they still do some remarkably dumb things. For example: $126 million for Barry Zito, a pitcher who is, at his very best, average? Can you even wrap your mind around how much money $126 million is? It's an inhuman sum, and the Giants blew it all on a player who's performance they could have reasonably replicated for 1/126th of the cost. Amazing. Possibly even more amazing is the fact that the person who chose to make that mistake just received a contract extension. But I digress.

A level below the Zito contract is Gary Matthews, Jr. After bouncing around the league for eight seasons, including stints with seven different organizations, Matthews finally put together a good season for the Texas Rangers, hitting .313/.371/.495 with 19 homers. Production like that from a center fielder is incredibly valuable.

Fortunately for Matthews he was a free agent following that season. Good center fielders are always at a premium, but there were legitimate questions about whether Matthews was a good center fielder going forward. Rudimentary statistical analysis of the kind I can do here in a few minutes said that Matthews was not very likely to repeat his good season. Despite the good year he'd had, he was still likely to be the same bench/role player he was previously.

Fortunately for him, the Anaheim Angels disregarded those questions choosing to see Matthews's one good year while ignoring the seven mediocre/bad years that came before. They rewarded Matthews with the starting center fielder's job and more germane to this post, a five year, $50 million contract.

That was three years ago and since then several things have happened. 1) If it wasn't before, it became obvious that the real Gary Matthews, Jr. is the guy from the first seven years of his career, and not the guy from his one big year right before he signed his big free agent contract. Shocker, I know. 2) To their credit, the Angels realized this after a single season of Matthews's suckitude and signed the best center fielder on the market, Torii Hunter, to a 5 year, $90 million deal.

After two years of being one of the highest paid back ups in the league, Matthews has finally had enough. Speaking to the LA Times, Matthews said, "I just feel like it's time for me to play for an organization that believes I can contribute every day from day one. Whether it's a trade or them releasing me, it's time to go."

According to Cot's Contracts, Matthews has 2 years and $23 million left on his contract. He hit .242/.319/.357 last season and .250/.336/.361 this season. He's not getting any better, but he is going to be 35 years old next year. I'm not sure what organization Matthews thinks believes that he can contribute $23 million worth of production to their team from day one over the next two seasons, but I'm going to go out on a limb and say that no such organization exists.

The only way Matthews will get traded is if:

1) The Angels trade him for someone else's equally bad contract (Milton Bradley of the Cubs, for example). There really aren't that many bad contracts that are equal in value though so they'd have to find someone who is so desperate to get rid of their guy that they'd be willing to not only pay more in the deal, but get Matthews back in return. Not likely.

2) The Angels work out a deal with another team wherein in return for taking Matthews off their hands, the Angels agree to pay some massive portion of Matthews' salary. In effect, the Angels will be paying Matthews to play against them. Still the stumbling block here won't be the Angels. It isn't likely that another team is going to want to pay Matthews much more than the league minimum salary because he's really not worth much more than that. Which leaves us with...

The most likely scenario doesn't involve a trade because no team in it's right mind would want Matthews at any price above the league minimum salary because he's old and not very good. The Angels will eventually realize they're going to have to pay his salary for the next two years anyway, so no matter what happens they're going to be out $23 million. Instead, its going to come down to this: faced with a choice of Gary Matthews, Jr. or an open roster spot, they'll choose the roster spot and release his ungrateful ass.

Have fun sitting on the bench in Pittsburgh, Gary.

.