I Really Hope Tony Romo Wins a Champeenchip

No, not this season. I want the Cowboys and all of their douchebag fans and former players to suffer through a season of biblical suckitude. I want Jerry Jones' new monument of bombast and greed, the GeckoDome, er Cowboys Stadium, and its jumbotron to collapse on itself. I want there to be a drunken stampede on the "Party Pass" platform and for a fan to get trampled so they can sue Jerry and take the the Death Star from him. I want the Cowboys to lose every game this year.

But I do want Tony Romo to win a title.

This entire week, EVERY day since the Cowboys lost last Sunday to the Giants in the opening of their new stadium, fans have been calling Dallas talk radio to bitch about Tony Romo. Radio hosts and columnists have re-hashed Romo's mistakes to the point that I feel like I'm living Clockwork Orange with toothpicks holding my eyes open.

But that's not enough. The mighty Cowboys (who haven't won a playoff game since CompuServe was a good investment) are supposed to win, right? It's their birthright. And who better to remind us of this than the Cowboys legends?

Enter Tony Dorsett. Enter Emmitt Smith. Enter Troy Aikman. Hell, I've even heard clips of fucking ALVIN HARPER calling Romo out for not being enough of a "leader" or tough enough.

You bitter old fucks. You sound like a bunch of whiny bitches. Hell, Troy and Emmitt, weren't you guys the "leaders" of those 5-11 Cowboys teams? Didn't you two fucktards go 6-10 one year as well? Didn't you shitbags lose to the freaking Cardinals in the playoffs? And now, with Romo 1-1 in his third year as a starter, these former Cowboys feel the need to step in to the spotlight and tell us all how Romo needs to get his shit together.

And the Cowboys fans follow the lead of their heroes and still live in 1992-95 so much that they feel that they can call Romo out as if they know better. "If he doesn't get his game together, we're gonna need ourselves a new quarterback!" "I don't think Romo knows what it means to be THE QB of the COWBOYS!" "Who is going to take over if Romo has another game like last week?"

A quick jolt of reality for you Cowboys fans: Romo is the active leader in yards-per-pass attempt - ahead of Brady, Manning, Roethlisberger and Warner - and is fourth ALL-TIME in that statistic. He was second to Brady's stoopid 50 TDs in 2007.

Man, I couldn't hate the Cowboys and their fans more if they took a shit on my car.

So, here's what I hope happens: I want the Cowboys to continue to lose. I want the fans to continue to call for Romo's head. I want them to cut or trade Romo. I want him to play for an organization that knows how to construct and run a team. I want Romo to win a Super Bowl while the Cowboys continue to wallow in old newspaper clippings from the early-90's.

Don't get me wrong, Romo has his warts, and at times they can be big and hairy, but he's better than most of the quarterbacks in the league. He's put up some pretty gaudy numbers in his brief career and will likely equal the sainted Dorsett in Pro-Bowl appearances this year.

The arrogance of Cowboys fans, especially now that they have the gaudiest stadium in the universe, is nauseating. Romo deserves better than them.