What The Hell Are You Doing?: Chicago Blackhawks Edition

On this week's episode of "What the hell are you doing?" we take a look at the moronitude seeping out the offices of the Chicago Blackhawks. In case you missed it, the Blackhawks just handed Marian Hossa a 12 year,$62.8 million contract. Why? Because a 12 year, $62.9 million contract was just ridiculous.

I hate to parrot the mainstream media here, but it looks like they got this one right. Is there any surer way to deep-six your entire franchise than to drop a buttload of cash on one guy when you have a salary cap to deal with?

But even beyond the cap, if we've learned anything about sports in the internet age, it's that one guy isn't enough to get it done in a real team sport (this exempts the NBA). Do you think the Blackhawks would have won the Cup instead of Detroit this year if they'd had Hossa? Oh, wait, Detroit didn't win the Cup, Pittsburgh did. Pittsburgh had Hossa last year, but they didn't win the Cup then either, Detroit did. Sensing a theme?

It's unbelievable how many of these long term contracts look horrific almost minutes after the player's first season in a new sweater. Just from my neck of the woods, look at the Flyers and Daniel Briere's 8 year, $52 million deal which the Flyers would gladly hand to anyone who would take it. Or, slightly farther south in DC, the Capitals have had an even rougher time with Michael Nylander's four year, $19.5 million deal. Nylander didn't even play in the playoffs, except when too many injured Capitals forced him into the lineup.

But you don't even have to look that far east. The Blackhawks themselves handed goalie Cristobal Huet a four year, $22.5 million deal last off-season when they already had Nikolai Khabibulin set as the starting goalie. Huet took the money, played about half the time, but ended the year sitting on the bench and hardly played in the playoffs.

I'm not saying all free agent contracts are bad. Flags fly forever, so if you are good enough/lucky enough to win a Cup and your $47.6 million free agent put you over the top, good for you. But 99% of the time, that ain't the case.

But even if Hossa is the missing ticket to the Stanley Cup Finals, Blackhawks GM Dale Tallon has completely screwed himself for next year, because that's when he'll have to re-sign Jonathan Toews, Patrick Kane, and Duncan Keith. Allan Muir puts it best:

Best case -- and I mean absolute pie-in-the-sky -- scenario: [Tallon] gets the trio for something in the range of $15 million per year. Add that to about $36 million that's already committed to just nine players plus the likelihood that the $56.8 million salary cap will shrink significantly, and it looks like Tallon has painted himself into a very tight corner with this deal.

So the question you've all been waiting for (all together now): Dale Tallon, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?