Stay Tuned for Snizza's Suicide Note

Snizza's got a slew of relatives staying at his place and been unable to access his computer much, a situation that has been exacerbated by the fact that he just died. Yep, that's right, he's dead. He was a goner from the moment he heard this information:

Your My His Dallas Mavericks have just signed Tim Thomas.

Yes sir, Tim Thomas, quite possibly the most gutless player to ever suit up in the NBA, a man whose only skill appears to be cashing paychecks, a debacle of a player even among the shameful roster of former Sixers first-round picks, whose sole contribution to anything remotely noteworthy in NBA history came when he made taunting kissy-face gestures to Dirk Nowitzki in a playoff game, goading Dirk into mercilessly stomping Thomas' Phoenix Suns... has signed with the Mavericks.

It's only a veteran-minimum deal, but it was enough to push our dear Snizza over the edge. He read the story several times just to make sure he wasn't hallucinating, built a makeshift catapult out of his children's pool toys, and shot himself directly into a brick wall.

Now you've gone an' done it, Donnie Nelson. You caved in to your father's begging and didn't draft Pavel Podkolzine with the fifth overall pick in 2004 (Devin Harris), but you've killed Snizza. You bastard!!

Time to call the Texas Hammer and slap together a frivolous lawsuit.

(And this might turn out to be a mass grave -- the Phils just brought in Brad Lidge and his 7-run ERA. He promptly walked the first batter and gave up a 500-foot moon shot to Mark Reynolds. He has allowed 9 HR in 37 IP this season.)

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