It Was Probably A Throw-Away Line, But It Was Still Pretty Stupid

The Boston Globe's Nick Carfardo has lots of column inches to fill up each Sunday. He writes a baseball notes column that approaches 2,500 words, the semi-modern equivalent of Peter Gammons old baseball insider column. 2,500 words is a lot of writing. So, it's understandable that occasionally something kinda dumb sneaks in.

But still, this is pretty dumb. In today's column, Carfardo writes, "How about a swap of underachieving Scott Boras clients Magglio Ordonez and J.D. Drew". I've done some thinking about this suggestion, which as you shall see is more than Carfardo did, and I can't figure out why the Red Sox would ever make this trade.

Ordonez is hitting .257/.328/.354. Them's awful. He's also a slightly below average defensive outfielder according to Fangraphs.com Zone Rating data. He is in the last year of a contract that is paying him $18 million this year, and the Tigers have benched him for two reasons: 1) he's terrible, and 2) if they play him they risk his $18 million option vesting for next season. The Tigers really don't want to pay Ordonez a penny next season, let alone $18 million. It is quite safe to say that the Tigers would give Ordonez away to any team that wanted him for free, no players required, no bag of balls, no questions asked. Pretty please with sugar on it.

Drew's situation is different in all respects. He is in year three of a five year deal that pays him $14 million per season. He is in a horrendous slump this month (.136/.260/.258 in July), but before that he has hit very well, OPSing .847 in April, .817 in May, and .961 in June. He's also an above average fielder (again, according to Fangraphs.com).

In short, this is a very good player with a long term contract who is having an absolutely awful month. Assuming Drew's slump isn't him going completely over the cliff, and there really isn't any reason why that would be the case, why would the Red Sox trade him? And if Boston did trade him, why in the living fuck would they trade him for Ordonez?

Boston is a game and a half behind New York for first place in the AL East. Playing Ordonez will not help them catch the Yankees. Further, if Boston traded Drew for Ordonez, they'd be forced to play Ordonez, and therefore have to pay his dessicated remains $18 million next year. If they inexplicably made the trade and then sat Ordonez on the bench, they'd have to bring some AAA player up from the minors and... wow, this idea just keeps getting worse and worse.

Enough analysis. The whole idea is fucking retarded. Mr. Carfardo, in the future when suggesting a trade, let the words "fucking retarded" serve as a red flag.
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