It's only two weeks until baseball's trading deadline, and there are a bunch of quality players on the market. Lots of websites have been keeping up with the rumors, but TOOOAST!!! is going to take you beyond the rumors. Here are a few of the players rumored to be traded and some under-the-radar, outside-the-box, up-your-ass places for them to be traded.
Roy Halladay
Keeping in mind that Toronto General Manager JP Ricchardi is not unlike a retarded gerbil after reading only Jon Heyman columns for two weeks:
- Toronto Argonauts for the rights to Bo Jackson, Dudley Do-Right, and a case of Schmidts Gay
- Newark Bears for a reach around (it's just common courtesy)
- New York Knights for that pudgy batboy, Kim Bassinger's vagina, and a case of turtle wax.
Matt Holliday
FBI - That's Female Body Inspector! (LOL!)
The Hebrew National slaughter house - done du-done done done!
Colorado Rockies - apparently the only place dude can hit a baseball.
Brad Penny
The Red Sox seem to have an over-abundance of starting pitching, and Penny is the odd man out. Some new uniforms that Penny may don after July 31st:
United States Marine Corps. Dude does not fuck around. I was going to call him fat, but then I thought two things: 1) I'm fat, and those who live in houses made of poop should not throw explosives; 2) Penny called out Joe Girardi, which basically makes him the most awesome person ever. Fuck Joe Girardi. So, yeah, Penny will end you. He's going to Iraq to fuck some shit up!
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