Drafty Drafty Drafty Draft

I've been following the baseball draft more closely than usual this year, and perusing the names of the players drafted by the Red Sox, I came across these guys:

James Patterson - No, not this guy.

Austin House and Christopher Court - You wonder if Austin's house is on Christopher's... I am so sorry.

Randall Fant - What is a "fant?" It just sounds dirty... kinda reminds me of the old SNL sketch with Jason Priestley, The Life and Times of Johnny Hildo, featuring the following immortal lines:

Johnny Hildo: Uh, Mr. Wilson, I was wondering if I could talk with you about the sociology exam.
Mr. Wilson: Well, it's gonna be a tough one, Dildo.
Johnny Hildo: Yeah... listen, that's "Hildo", with a "Ha", not a "Da", okay?
Mr. Wilson: Sounds good, Dildo. But hey, I've got a class to teach.

Reynolds Parthemore - Clearly a member of the Future Butlers of Britain.

Brandon Jacobs and Derrick Thomas - You won't find any 'they just drafted a dead guy!' jokes here. (See what I did there?)

Matthew Koch - I'm sure it's not pronounced the way I'm reading it. But it could be worse. He could be named...

Miles Head - Which, I guess, could still be worse... he could be named "Mike Hunt." Fortunately, the Red Sox didn't draft Mike Hunt. Overcome with an acute case of the giggles, I somehow found the composure to look up "Mike Hunt" on baseball-reference.com. Amazingly, nobody by that name has played in the major leagues. Someone named Mike Hunt did play in the Pacific Coast League in the late 1920's and 1930's though. Strangely, he was nicknamed "Old Baggy Pants." I have no joke for that.

and my favorite, and candidate for the back of my next Red Sox jersey....

Jordan Flasher

In other draft news, The Orioles drafted Mike Flacco, the brother of the Ravens quarterback. The Indians drafted two guys named Kyle Smith and someone by the name of Joe Colon. The Tigers took Michael Rocket, while the Braves picked something called Riaan Spanjer-Furstenburg. The Yankees drafted Graham Stoneburner, only to be out-stoned by the Marlins who drafted Sequoyah Stonecipher.

You gotta love drafts with 50+ rounds, huh?
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