What can I say about Alex Rodriguez that hasn't already been said? He's a narcissist? He's a great baseball player? He wears purple lipstick? He's a total douche? All have been said, and as far as the truth of those statements goes, [shakes magic 8 ball] 'signs point to yes'.
On top of his personal foibles, most of which are forgivable especially if you are a Yankee fan, Rodriguez was recently outed as a steroid cheat. This was less forgivable, even to some Yankee fans. In something straight out of community theater, Rodriguez, surrounded by uniformed teammates, admitted to about a billion reporters that he used for three years while he was with the Texas Rangers, but stated over and over that he did not use before or after his time in Texas. His mea culpa didn't do much to answer other questions, such as, (off the top of my head), "Really?" and "No fucking way, you liar!" but what can you do*.
Well, now it seems that Rodriguez, who has yet to play a game this season due to hip surgery, may have just very slightly undersold himself a tad. (Is that enough equivocation?) An article out in today's New York Daily News quotes an upcoming book, appropriately and creatively titled, "A-Rod", as saying that Rodriguez had been using steroids since high school. Just for reference, Rodriguez is now 32 years old, meaning he has been out of high school for fourteen years.
But wait! There's more! It also says that he's still using now, including all of his five plus seasons with the Yankees. Also, his nickname in the team's clubhouse is "bitch tits."
So, I guess my only question is how is ol' Bitch Tits going to top all this? Will he be caught rubbing anuses with a goat? How about putting his penis against the third rail of the El train for kicks? Keeping a collection of freeze dried animals in his basement? What about putting the anus of a freeze dried goat up to the third rail of the El tracks? Uh... I have to go now.
*"What can you do" when applied to Rodriguez is a statement, not a question
Thursday, April 30, 2009
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5 comments:
Bitch Tits. Man, that name is gonna STIIIIICK to hm forever.
I heard about all of the new stuff late last night on the radio, where they also revealed that Bitch Tits is a terrible tipper when he goes to Hooters.
He probably doesn't even put a dollar in the jar when he gets a latte at the local coffee house. Jackass.
Today's secret word is... gynecomastia.
Aka, "Bizitch Tizits"
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