If a Tree Falls in the Forest...

It's the time of year when TOOOAST!!! turns in to the poor man's Puck Daddy blog. Howevuh, I wouldn't be carrying my weight on this beeyotch if I didn't submit the lone NBA playoffs picks entry. So take off, eh.

This playoff season is shaping up to be totally inverted, in terms of intensity and drama, than the usual post season. Most of the drama and tension will occur in the first round as the match ups are far more interesting there than what will inevitably be a march toward a Lakers-Cavaliers final.

EASTERN CONFERENCE:

Cleveland (1) vs Detroit (8):
Get ready for a common theme in these playoff predictions: it's time for the new guard to grab the torch and several of the challengers of the past decade getting shot in to space. Detroit has enjoyed a stretch of making 6 straight conference finals, however, with the core of the team getting older and the trade of Iverson for Billups injecting the Pistons with a time release cancer, the Cavs will make them lick the white dog shit in this series and this will mark the end of their run of relevancy. Unfortunately for Mike Brown, there won't be enough games in this series to show off his entire stable of new eyeglass frames.

Cavs in 4.

Boston (2) vs Chicago (7):
Chicago is streaking in to the playoffs, having won five of their last six games and playing with much more cohesion and intensity than earlier in the year. Tyrus Thomas seems to have figured out that he is actually a professional basketball player, and the additions of Brad Miller and John Salmons have helped this team more than I anticipated. The match up of Derrick Rose against Rajon Rondo should be delicious. In the end though, the stones that both Paul Pierce and Ray Allen possess should allow the Celts to overcome the loss of Kevin GarNutz, and the subsequent heart attack Danny Ainge suffered upon hearing his franchise player was out for the playoffs.

Celts in 6.

Orlando (3) vs Philadelphia (6):
Samuel Dalembert, make sure all of your NBAPA contracts are in order because you are about to be in about 167 different posters in the next 10 days. Dwight Howard will be moving the Haitian Sensation anywhere he wants on the way to bending rims in both cities. Hedo Turkoglu may be wonky, but it won't matter in this series, even though I can see Andre Miller having a good showing against Rafer Alston. Plus, no one in the league takes more "Vince Carter-esque" shots than than Vince Carter, except for Andre Iguodala.

Magic in 5.

Atlanta (4) vs Miami (5):
Undoubtedly the most colorful of the Eastern Conference series. The youth, depth and unpredictability of the Hawks against the youth, depth and unpredictability of the Heat. One difference - Dwyane Wade. The Hawks have more size up front, and Mike Bibby should outplay the Mario Chalmers/Chris Quinn point guard combo that the Heat runs out there, but in the end, I have a feeling Wade will make Joe Johnson his bitch at least 3 times in the series, and the Heat will slow the game down to the point that the immature Hawks (Horford, Josh Smith, Marvin Williams) get frustrated and lose their composure.

Heat in 6.


WESTERN CONFERENCE:

Los Angeles (1) vs Utah (8)
Lakers - 36-5 at home.
Utah: 15-26 on the road, including 2-8 in their last ten road games.
Lakers just got Bynum back and their entire team seems to be back in their proper roles again. Deron Williams will have a monster series, but after him, the Lakers have a sizable advantage at every position. The Lakers will come out incredibly focused and pointing everything towards getting back to the Finals, and unfortunately for the Jazz, they will simply be the first speed bump. In the Battle of Most Improperly Nicknamed Franchises, the Lakers will send the Jazz home in short order. Hopefully, we'll be able to witness the Jazz putting basketball back 60 years with the all-white lineup of Korver, Fesenko, Harpring, Kirilenko and Okur before it's over.

Lakers in 5.


Denver (2) vs New Orleans (7):
I'm very stoked to watch and see how this plays out. The Nuggets have been surprisingly consistent this season, especially after Chauncey Billups joined the fold. The Hornets are banged up and own the playoff poison known as Peja Stojakovic, but are blessed with Chris Paul, the unstoppable offensive stat machine. The most fun in watching this series will be to continually take the temperature of the stunning number of unstable personalities in this series: Antonio Daniels, Morris Peterson, James Posey, J.R. Smith, Kenyon Martin, Chris Anderson, Nene, and even Carmelo Anthony to an extent. We should end up with at least one scrum and "hold me back" pushing match every game. In the end, the depth and eventual two-headed alpha male of Carmelo and Billups should be enough to take out les Hornets.

Nuggets in 7.

San Antonio (3) vs Dallas (6):
The last night of the season could not have broken any better for the Mavericks. They finished the season on a serious high, beating Houston in a must-win game for both teams, after having wiped out Utah, New Orleans and Phoenix in the last 2 weeks and getting Josh Howard, albeit still obviously not completely healthy, back in the starting lineup. The Mavs' old buddy Michael Finley did Dallas a favor by hitting a shot that put the Spurs-Hornets game in to overtime at the buzzer - a game the Spurs eventually won to set up this match up. Ironically, it may have given the Mavericks their best chance to advance to the second round for the first time in 3 years. The Mavs aren't scared or intimidated by playing in San Antonio, and they are catching the Spurs without Ginobili and a wobbly Duncan. In a series that matches the two teams with the longest current streaks of playoff appearances and two of the longest continuous streaks of 50 game winning seasons in NBA history, it has the feeling of two elderly fighters squaring off at the middle of the ring for one last attempt to hold on to their pasts. When these teams face each other, it's always riveting drama. The Mavs' health and surging confidence will push them over the top.

Mavericks in 6.

Portland (4) vs Houston (5):
Hands down, the most compelling series in the entire first round. The youth, athleticism and rabid fan base of Portland against the age and "longing to get out of the first round for the first time in eons" of the Rockets. The Rockets' number crunchers can make up as much bullshit as they want about Battier and Artest and Chuck Hayes, but in this series, the eye ball test will be all you need. When the fourth quarter comes around and you see LaMarcus Aldridge, Brandon Roy, Travis Outlaw, Rudy Fernandez, Joel Przybilla and even Greg Oden, beating the aged Rockets (especially Yao, who has become a 4th quarter liability) down the court, you will know that tangible talent and athleticism beat spread sheets. The Rockets will never be the same.

Blazers in 6.