George Steinbrenner's office just after the 2007 baseball season ended.
Mr. Steinbrenner, a Mr. Cashman to see you, sir.
Cashman?
Yes, Sir. Mr. Brian Cashman. He's the General Manager of the Yankees.
Oh, CASHman... right right. Send him in. Oh, and freshen this up for me, will you doll? [hands her full glass of water with dead goldfish floating in it]
Uh, sure.
[enter Brian Cashman]
Cashman, right?
Yes, sir, Mr. Steinbrenner.
Siddown, Cashman. And call me "Mr. Steinbrenner."
I di... uh, alright.
So, I suppose you're wondering why I called you in here. I understand Alex Rodriguez has opted out of his $250 million contract and is a free agent. I'm worried about him going to Boston to play for the Red Stockings. I want you to offer him a 20 year, $550 million contract to stay with the Yankees.
Sir...
"Mr. Steinbrenner."
Mr. Steinbrenner, I'm not sure that is such a good idea.
Well, why the hell not?
There are rumors that Rodriguez is involved in some, uh... shall we say, unsavory activities.
You better have good reason to slander a good and decent ballplayer like Alex Rodriguez, Cashman! You have exactly eight seconds to explain yourself!
We have reason to believe that Rodriguez is involved with steroids...
So the fuck what, Cashman? About half our players are juicing!
I wasn't finished. ...involved with steroids, hookers, blow, Madonna, the murder of several South American dictators, the Jonas Brothers new 3D movie, more hookers, new Coke, Pepsi Clear, goat sex, the harvesting and black market sale of human fetuses, piracy, a new world wide Motley Crue tour, and promoting Scientology to infants.
[clearly aghast] My God.... Well... how about 10 years and $275 million?
Done!
---
The hits keep on coming for Ol' A-Rod, eh? Madonna, steroids, and now this. But, on the bright side for the Yankees: there isn't much more that could go wrong.
1 comments:
Boo-Yah?
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