Caps Crap: Wake Me When The Playoffs Start

Much hand wringing has occurred on this here series of tubes about the late season cratering from your Washington Capitals. The Caps beat the Eastern Conference leading Bruins to end February and hadn't won since (before Tuesday night's OT win in Nashville). During that time they got smoked by the Panthers (6-2) and Hurricanes (5-2), who both aren't cup contenders (nor even shot glass contenders - WAKAWAKAWAKA!), and lost close games to similar non-contenders Toronto (2-1) and Pittsburgh* (4-3, OT).

It was this last loss to Pittsburgh and their Penguinhs** that I abhor so. And yet I live on, happily, or as happily as one can be when covered with baby vomit, because all this hand wringing is wholly unnecessary. Why?

It doesn't matter what the Caps do during these last 14 games of the season.

Let me prove it to you. The Caps are 41-21-6 (or 41-27 in any professional sports league other than the NHL) good for 88 points and first place in the Southeast Division. That puts them 11 points ahead of both the Florida Panthers (34-24-9) and the Carolina Hurricanes (36-27-5), their nearest rivals for the Southeast Division (motto: till death or bed time).

If the Caps play like the worst team in hockey, the New York Islanders, for the rest of the season, they'll earn 0.78 points per game, good for 11 more points. That gets Washington to a season total of 99 points. To win the division, Carolina and Florida will have to exceed 99 points. To reach that total, Carolina and/or Florida would have to earn 1.6 points per game over their remaining 14 games. To put that into perspective, the best team in the NHL, the San Jose Sharks, averages 1.47 points earned per game.

So, to sum up. If their closest pursuers play like the best team in the NHL and the Caps play like the worst team in the NHL, the Caps will still win their division and finish in the top three in the Eastern Conference.

Bring on the playoffs. Until then, yawn.***

*That's right! I called Pittsburgh a "non-contender!" What you bitches going to do about it?
**Ifh Pittsburgh wants toh addh extraneoush h's, I canh accommodate themh.
***Yawn not including tonight's game versus Philadelphia, where I hope the Caps crush the Flyers 10-0.