Stupid Sports Writing: Is There Any Other Kind?

BMFS chronicled the borderline retarded article by ESPN's Jason Stark on how Alex Rodriguez, like some sort of national pastime deathstar, destroyed all of baseball history through his recently discovered steroid use. That right there, ladies and gentlemen, is what we in the 'biz' like to call a high bar to jump over. What byline could we come up with that is more asinine than that? Well, here is a true professional who can show you all how it's done.

Take it away, Bill Madden of the New York Daily News:

When the Yankees re-signed Alex Rodriguez in the fall of 2007, they envisioned the "clean" alternative to Barry Bonds - the knight in shining armor who would erase the stain of steroids from the all-time home run record, and they would bask in the glory of it with their brand. Now that A-Rod's pursuit looks as counterfeit as Bonds', they should do what's best for the organization: Cut him loose - no matter the cost.

[hold for applause]

That's pretty good. I mean, saying that two days before spring training the New York Yankees, who just spent $460 million on new contracts in the off season, should cut their best player at a cost of $270 million thereby ruining any shot at competing this season, well, that's just amazing. I stand in awe, sir. I stand in fucking awe.

But you know what? While I think it is a tremendous idea, I do have a few ideas of my own. See what you think of these:

• Send him to bed without supper! That'll show that cheat'n A-Rod a thing or two, gosh golly gee!
  
• Rodriguez should be grounded! That's right, grounded! For a whole week!
• Now that it's clear all of Rodriguez's home runs were the result of steroids, he's outlived his usefulness. Take him out back and shoot him.
• He's a witch!
  

These all seem like rational reactions to me. In fact, I'll put them all up against Bill Madden's. Since this is America, you can vote below and register your opinion, which will promptly be ignored. Yay! Isn't America wonderful?

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