Yes We Can!

As I drifted off to sleep last night, the victorious words of our future president echoed through my brain: "Yes we can!"

On this Tuesday night, as on Election Day, I got to celebrate a rare type of event: the Dallas Mavericks and Dallas Stars won a game on the same night!

In the past, both teams have been fairly strong and a Dallas Daily Double was a common occurrence, but now, with both teams fighting for the collective ambivalence of the North Texas sports fan, such a feat is as common the discovery of a new solar system. In fact, last night, December 2, 2008, was the FIRST time it has happened in the current season.

All together now..."We suuuuck!"

And it took a convergence of two monumental events:

1. The massive shit fountain that is Sean Avery's mouth had to finally go too far by calling his former girlfriend "sloppy seconds." It was a move that clearly shows that his Chronic Douchedom has reached such malignancy that Gary Bettman dragooned him to an ice fishing shack on a remote Manitoba lake where he will be stripped naked and forced to have intercourse with an obese sex doll that looks like Martin Brodeur. The rest of the Stars, obviously relieved that Fucktard was gone and to show management that they play better without Fucktard, went on to play like the Stars of old and beat the red hot Flames*.

2. A short, white Puerto Rican point guard's appearance on the court so thoroughly confused Baron "Teen Wolf Boom Dizzle B-Diddy" Davis that said player actually scored 15 points and hit the game-winning three-pointer, while Davis proceeded to launch the most retarded 30-foot jumper, at the buzzer, after a time out, ever witnessed at an NBA game. The gritty, inspired and heady play** of J.J. Barea led the way, and The Little Mavs That Could actually huffed and puffed their way to an improbable fourth quarter comeback at home against the Clippers. (Yes, things really have fallen THAT far.)

Unexplained phenomena like these would even get Art Bell's panties in a wad - and that's what it took for the Mavericks and Stars to relish the sweet taste of victory on one glorious eve.

May I live to see another night like this...

*The NHL mandates that you can not mention the Calgary Flames without at least one "fire"-ish adjective.

**The Sports Bloggers Association of America mandates that all descriptions of white point guards must include at least 3 of the following adjectives: gritty, heady, inspired, coach-like, cerebral, throwback, un-athletic, tough as nails, old fashioned, fundamental, solid, proper, non-flashy, steady, unceremonious, against-all-odds, feisty, dogged, or whodathunk.