[The Reactionary Redskins Fan appears weekly throughout the NFL season. As a lifelong Redskins fan, mattymatty will chronicle the ups and downs of the Washington Redskins' season. His pain, swearing, loss of dignity, accidental defecation, and eventual divorce is your gain. Enjoy!]
Last Monday, the Washington Redskins lost the ninth game of their season to the Pittsburgh Shitfucks by a score of a billion to negative a billion. Their record currently stands at 6-3.
THERE'S NO FUCKING WAY THAT WAS THE WASHINGTON REDSKINS ON THAT SHITHOLE OF A FIELD ON MONDAY FUCKING NIGHT! NO FUCKING WAY! IT MUST HAVE BEEN THE LEFT OVER TURD FROM A GEIGH-ASAURAS OR A BUNCH OF DUMB FUCKING FRAT BITCHES LOOKING FOR AN EXCUSE TO RUN BACK TO THE LOCKER ROOM AND CARESS EACH OTHERS EAGER QUIVERING GENITALS!
WHAT I'M SAYING: WE'RE FUCKING DOOMED! DOOMED, GODDAMMIT! CAN NOBODY FUCKING PLAY THIS STUPID GAME? MAYBE WE SHOULD JUST CHANGE THE WASHINGTON REDSKINS FROM A PROFESSIONAL FOOTBALL TEAM TO A KNITTING CLUB! EVERYONE CAN SIT AROUND ON SUNDAY AFTERNOONS, KNIT SOME FUCKING BABY CLOTHES AND TALK ABOUT THE FUCKING PROBLEMS WITH THEIR FUCKING VAGINAS! HOW ARE YOUR FUCKING VAGINAS, FUCKHEADS?! HUH?!??!
AND CARLOS FUCKING ROGERS! WHAT THE FUCK? I GUESS I CAN'T GET MAD AT DUDE FOR DROPPING WHAT WOULD HAVE BEEN HIS SIXTH INTERCEPTION OF THE SEASON, ON ACCOUNT OF HAVING THAT OPERATION TO REPLACE HIS HANDS WITH USED TAMPONS! WAIT! HE NEVER HAD THAT OPERATION? THEN WHAT THE FUCK!! GODDAMMIT!!! ROGERS COULDN'T CATCH A FOOTBALL IF YOU STAPLED IT TO HIS FUCKING FACE! (NOTE TO OPPOSING QBS: PLEASE STAPLE THE FOOTBALL TO CARLOS ROGERS' FUCKING FACE.)
THANK GOD FOR FUCKING BYE WEEKS! I'M GOING TO DALLAS TO DRINK HEAVILY.. HOLY SHIT!!
[The Reactionary Redskins Fan's opinions are his own and do not necessarily reflect the opinions of other Toooast!!! authors, blogger.com, or our sponsor, Shit Eaters Anonymous, whose fabulous programs help make people happy. Remember people, don't eat that yummy yummy yummy shit you found on the ground! No! Don't... mmmmmm..yumyumyumyumyum.]
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2 comments:
haaaaaaaaaaah! Amazing. Especially because I'm a Steelers fan. I think you may have a slightly skewed perception about how problematic vaginas are. But really, who doesn't love a good tampon joke?
Nice.
Also, remember - the Skins HAD to lose on Monday night in order to make sure that Obama won the election. Sometimes, we just have to think of the greater good...
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