Last night, Philadelphia's beloved daughter Patti LaBelle performed what BMFS termed an "interminable" version of The Star-Spangled Banner before game 4 of the World Series. LaBelle's version was passionate and somewhat soulful, but did incorporate a little too much vocal gymnastics, and for someone who's pants were already around his ankles and Phillies Sean Carters were all laced up tight ready to trounce on all things Rays, the anthem must've been torture. "Start the fucking game already!!!! My fucked up chili is getting cold!!!"
So now, with LaBelle having used her one start for the series, which Philly native should the Phillies run out to do the anthem in what could be the deciding game in their first World Series win in 6,000,000 years?
Let's run through the possibilities:
-Fabian - nah. The kids wouldn't get it.
-Frankie Avalon? Hmmm...he was alive during their last World Series win, but once again, it wouldn't appeal to da kidz.
-Bill Haley? - sorry, very dead.
-The Delfonics? I like it. They could do "Ready or Not, Here I Come" instead of the anthem, as in, "Here comes the title!" But once again, other than some old dominos players and hardcore Jackie Brown fans, they don't appeal to enough people.
-The Spinners? They're from Detroit, douchebag!
-Harold Melvin & the Blue Notes? - Melvin's dead.
-Teddy Pendergrass? Despite thinking otherwise, he actually is still alive. But he is paralyzed and not performing anymore.
-Schooly D? Hell to the mutha-fuckin Ya! Lookin at my Gucci, it's about that time - for the Phillies to win a title! Aqua Teen Hunger Force devotees would phreak, but he would fly right over everyone's head in the crowd.
-Jimmy Smith? The most famous jazz organist in history would definitely be cool. But, alas, Mr. Smith is toooast.
-McCoy Tyner and Stanley Clarke? I would shit myself if they rolled this out there. I'd probably have to turn the TV off when they finished as the game would be hopelessly inferior.
-Freeway & Beanie Siegel? Fuck that. They're just Jay Z hangers-on.
Now for the Philly Phinalists:
-The Roots. Carrying the torch of real bands in hip hop, I'm sure they could kill an instrumental version of the anthem, but white-ass Fox don't want that.
-The O'Jays. Most of the members are still alive, and you know they could do the tune justice.
HOWEVUH! Here is my Final Two:
My runner-up.........
-Hall & Oates! They were fantastic at halftime of the NBA All Star game in Philly and SNL recently mocked them doing a McCain vs Obama tune. They would be more than outstanding, and I would whole-heartedly endorse them if not for......
the winner!
JILLY FROM PHILLY! With a nickname like that, how do you NOT get to do this once-in-a-lifetime* World Series champion version of the anthem? Jill Scott would take Patti LaBelle's soul and add modern street cred and grit to it. No doubt she would, to use a baseball analogy, knock it out of the park.
*You don't actually think the Phillies will win it again in this geologic era, do you?
**Yes, I left Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince off. As if they have the chops to even attempt this.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
8 comments:
What a fantastic post! I love it. (And, hey, YOU mentioned the Spinners last night, not me.)
When I lived in Philly, the guy directly across the alley from me -- and my bedroom was on the front of the house -- would put on Jill Scott's first album at maximum volume, point the speakers out the open sliding door on the back of the second floor of his house, and blast it at 10 a.m. EVERY SATURDAY. The whole neighborhood could hear it... but especially me.
Wonderful... and waaaaay over my head. I couldn't hope to poooast something like that in my dreams. Better stick to poop. Or poop on a stick! WAKA WAKA WAKA!!!
I have walked on this earth for decades thiking The Spinners were from Philadelphia. They were just lumped in with the Gamble & Huff stable of bands, so they were affiliated with Philly, but not akshully FROM there.
I forgot noted Irish musician Seamus Egan
like i give a shit (Matty reference) about Irish musicians.
And OH. MY. GAWD. How did I forget Cinderella!!??
Spinners musta recorded with Philly producers.
And you nailed it... sorta. Ol' Baba Booey showed some brass stones to sing the anthem without his lead vocalist there.
You should also go back and fix the label "national anthem".
Turns out, they should've picked The Eurythmics' "Here COmes the Rain Again."
Remember, I'm gay.
Post a Comment