A few of my goon-ass Texan friends went out to a local bar to watch the mixed martial arts event tonight. As you may have guessed from the previous verbiage, I passed on this opportunity. But here's what happened:
The famous-but-over-the-hill guy who was supposed to fight Kimbo Slice bagged out, and they went and found some total unknown to take his place. That guy then beat Kimbo to a pulp in 14 seconds (!!!) and the fight was stopped.
Serves you right, dullards. Sorry I missed the festivities.
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Before I go back to shitting my pants over the Phillies (for no ostensible reason; as a Phillies fan, I'm uncontrollably irrational), here are some Week 5 football picks... No, here are all the football picks. Or at least I intend to pick all the games.
Chicago at Detroit
Detroit had the bye week to celebrate Matt Millen's firing; now comes the hard part: getting a handle on just how wretched a team he left behind.
Pick: Chicago
Atlanta at Green Bay
If you want to beat yourself against the Falcons, they will oblige. And that ranks them ahead of at least 5 other NFL teams. Still...
Pick: Green Bay
San Diego at Miami
Thank God LA doesn't have an NFL team, 'cause I just heard Dick Stockton try to pronounce the Mayor's name, and it wasn't pretty.
Pick: San Diego
Seattle at New York Tell Me How My Ass Tastes Giants
An unidentified 6'5'' man with cornrows showed up at Seattle's open tryouts for WRs this week, identifying himself as "Blaxico Purress"...
Pick: New York Pung! Giants
Washington at Philadelphia
The Eagles are the absolute best in the NFL at what they do: Find ways to lose.
Pick: Washington
Kansas City at Carolina
Instead of heeding KC Star columnist Jason Whitlock's advice to bring in Jeff George to play QB, the Chiefs are just going to have Whitlock play QB instead.
Pick: Carolina
Tennessee at Baltimore
Allow me to be the first: "Iiiiiiiiiii... Loooooooove... This Toooooooooownnnnn!!"
Pick: Tennessee
Indianapolis at Houston
Apropos of nothing, Manny Ramirez just thanked God for his health, and promptly thereafter, Scott Boras for directing him to Los Angeles.
Pick: Indianapolis... after deceivingly careful consideration
Tampa Bay at Denver
Would really like to throw these grotesquely one-dimensional teams onto a pile and shuffle them like a deck of cards.
Pick: Tampa Bay
Cincinnati at Dallas
And the T. Eldo Owens meltdown is staved off for another week...
Pick: Dallas
Buffalo at Arizona
Let's see if I can go 0-16 picking Arizona games this season.
Pick: Arizona
New England at San Francisco
New England is a three-point favorite in this game. Yeesh. Fuck the public service announcements, go put some money on them.
Pick: New England
Pittsburgh at Jacksonville
Next on the Steelers QB depth chart after Byron Leftwich? The guy who got busted for impersonating Ben Roethlisberger to bang chicks.
Pick: Jacksonville
Minnesota at New Orleans
Brad Childress still waiting for federal quarterback bailout.
Pick: Minnesota
Last week: 8-5
So far overall: 26-19
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3 comments:
I'd just like to say, before the fact, that the Eagles are going to beat the Redskins by more than two touchdowns. It is now 12:27pm EST.
OK, I was wrong. Horribly horribly wrong. And being horribly horribly wrong never felt so right.
I agree Matty! I didn't think I'd get to bang my Portis blow up doll today when the Skins looked dead in the water for the first 20 min. Then they woke up, pounded the Eagles with their running game and I got to celebrate!
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