I'm not sure anyone noticed because I can't find a picture of it on the Google, but Tampa Rays pitcher Matt Garza spits too much. I mean every second he is on the mound or in the dugout he spits. He spits when he stands on the rubber getting a sign from the catcher, he spits when rubbing up a new baseball, and he spits when he looks a runner back to first base. Regardless of the situation, I'd bet my anal virginity that there's going to be some phlegm or saliva flying from his mouth.
Having played baseball (badly) for a number of years, I do understand the spitting thing. I, myself, have been known to spit from time to time. Some would say I spit too much, and this is a classic case of the pot calling the kettle black. To that cliché, I would say, 'it takes one to know one.' But spitting expertise really isn't required in this case. In fact, someone with cataracts, dark sunglasses and their back to their TV could tell Garza spits too much.
The whole point of bringing this up, aside from desperately trying to find a way to criticize the team that just beat my Boston Red Sox, is that Garza's constant stream of expectoration is nauseating in the extreme. I love baseball, and I spit a lot, and it makes me sick. Like physically ill. If it makes me sick then you know he's spitting too much. But what can be done? If the guy has his hands down his plants constantly rearranging his junk then maybe the commish gets on the horn and says, "Hey! Garza! ‘Play ball’ means baseball, not your nuts! Get your damn hands outta your pants, capiche?" I don't think this should be any different, so I’d like to see ol’ Bud give Joe Madden a call.
Maddon: Hello?
Having played baseball (badly) for a number of years, I do understand the spitting thing. I, myself, have been known to spit from time to time. Some would say I spit too much, and this is a classic case of the pot calling the kettle black. To that cliché, I would say, 'it takes one to know one.' But spitting expertise really isn't required in this case. In fact, someone with cataracts, dark sunglasses and their back to their TV could tell Garza spits too much.
The whole point of bringing this up, aside from desperately trying to find a way to criticize the team that just beat my Boston Red Sox, is that Garza's constant stream of expectoration is nauseating in the extreme. I love baseball, and I spit a lot, and it makes me sick. Like physically ill. If it makes me sick then you know he's spitting too much. But what can be done? If the guy has his hands down his plants constantly rearranging his junk then maybe the commish gets on the horn and says, "Hey! Garza! ‘Play ball’ means baseball, not your nuts! Get your damn hands outta your pants, capiche?" I don't think this should be any different, so I’d like to see ol’ Bud give Joe Madden a call.
Maddon: Hello?
Bud: Hey, Joe, it’s Commissioner Selig.
Maddon: Hey, Bud!
Bud: Commissioner Selig.
Maddon: Oh, right, sorry.
Bud: It couldn’t matter less. So, I wanted to congratulate you on your success.
Maddon: Thank you, Commissioner.
Bud: Commissioner Selig.
Maddon: Right. Sorry.
Bud: Not important at all. We are all very proud of the job you’ve done this year.
Maddon: Thanks again.
Bud: Commissioner Selig.
Maddon: Huh?
Bud: Uh, nothing. Anyway, I wanted to speak with you about that youngster, Garza. He seems to spit a lot, don’t you think?
Maddon: Well, I…
Bud: IF HE SPITS ONE MORE TIME ON NATIONAL TV I’M GOING TO COME DOWN THERE AND RIP HIS NUTS OFF WITH A SPORK, IS THAT CLEAR!?!?
Maddon: I’ll pass the message along. Thanks for calling.
Bud: Best of luck in the series.
Maddon: Say “hi” to Mable for me.
Bud: Toodles.
2 comments:
"Anal virginity", my ass!
Ummm...
God I'm sick of Matt Garza and his constant spitting. My 8 year old wants to emulate this jerk because an 8 year old "thinks it's really cool dad". Hey jackass Garza.....cut the crap and re-learn your fundamentals WITHOUT THE SPITTING......JERK.
Post a Comment