Marky Mark and the Dallas Dunce Bunch

Announcer with booming voice: "And now, Mark Wahlberg talks to unbelievably stupid Dallas athletes."

Hey. I'm Mark Wahlberg. You guys know me. Let's talk to some shitstick retarded Dallas athletes.

I'm gonna talk to a Pac Man. Hey Pac Man, How's it goin'? You make it rain, right? I like your dreads, they look really great. You just got kicked out of the NFL for fighting your bodyguard, huh? That's really keeping it real and smart. Good luck in the AF2 cuz you can't even get across the border to play in the CFL. OK, it was really great to meet you. Say hi to your movers for me, alright.

Now I'm gonna talk to an Avery.

Hey Avery, what's going on? You're a homo who wears women's clothes, right? I like that. You got 2 game misconduct penalties in one game, huh? That's really great. You lead the league in penalty minutes. I take myself way too seriously and hate Saturday Night Live, even though that sketch got me more mileage than any of my movies.

OK, talk to you later. Keep doing nothin' on the ice. Say hi to your purse designer for me, alright?

Now I'ma talk to a T.O.

Hey, what's goin' on? You sulk on the sidelines and cry about your quarterback. A lot of people want to diss you but I just want to wish you luck that you'll catch more passes now that the Cowboys have acquired a better receiver than you. Good luck reaching 1000 yards this year. Alright, take it easy. Say hi to the real Roy Williams for me.

Now I'm gonna talk to a J-Ho.

Hey J-Ho, it's good to see you. You smoke dope and suck in 4th quarters huh? You're pretty tall. I bet you've got a big dick. I had a dick like that in Boogie Nights. Did you see that movie J-Ho? Did you see Boogie Nights? Good luck making the playoffs this year. Say hi to the judge for me, alright.

Announcer: This has been Marky Mark Talks to Dumbass Dallas Athletes.