The debate is over. The Texas Rangers have been relegated to the distinction of Worst Franchise in Baseball History.
Well, that assumes such a debate even existed, as it would require some poor ignorant, myopic shmoe to play the role of Rangers Defender. If an animal like this existed, it has been mercifully exterminated by the Tampa Bay Rays.
Tonight, before what was undoubtedly the largest crowd in Ray history - I'll bet half of the people in Tropicana Field didn't even know the Rays existed until a few weeks ago - Tampa Bay defeated the Chicago White Sox to go up 2-0 in their AL Divisional Series. That marked their second win in the team's post season history.
And that's all it took.
The FUCKING Tampa Bay Rays, who have been a "major league" franchise for 10 measly years, have now won TWICE as many playoff games as the Texas Asswipes, who have clung to the fringes of MLB-dom for 48 years (if you count their Washington Senators years).
Wikipedia puts it best:
An expansion franchise, the club was founded in Washington, D.C. in 1961 and was called the Washington Senators (not to be confused with the Washington Senators that left D.C. after 1960 to become the Minnesota Twins). The team then moved to Arlington in 1972 and became the Rangers. The Rangers are one of the least successful teams in MLB history, being one of four teams to have never played in a World Series, having never won a league championship. They are also one of only two franchises to have never won a playoff series since the franchise's inception in 1961.
From the time they moved to Arlington in 1972, the Rangers have averaged 76 wins/year and have finished over .500 15 times in 37 years. Putridity of the highest order.
And if that wasn't enough to make them the foremost embarrassment in the league, the team has ONE player in the Hall of Fame - Nolan Ryan. And Ryan did the majority of his damage with other teams.
Oh, and if those two things didn't prove that these impuissant douchebags are the most ridiculed squadron on earth, then their unmatched history of reckless trades surely will.
Take a breath, expel all food and drink from your mouth and proceed at your own risk:
On July 29, 1989, the Rangers traded Sammy Sosa, Wilson Alvarez, and Scott Fletcher to the Chicago White Sox for Harold Baines and Fred Manrique. Alvarez pitched a no-hitter at the age of 21 for the White Sox and Sammy Sosa became one of the greatest homerun hitters in baseball history, while Baines barely spent a calender year with the Sox before being dealt the following year to the A's.
In 1992, the Rangers sent Ruben Sierra, Bobby Witt, and Jeff Russell to the Oakland Athletics in exchange for Jose Canseco. Canseco missed most of 1993, had a solid 1994, and then wore out his welcome and was traded to the Red Sox, but not before getting all of the Texas Rangers hooked on steroids.
On December 6, 2002, the Rangers traded Travis Hafner and Aaron Myette to the Cleveland Indians for Einar Diaz and Ryan Drese. Drese was a disaster with the Rangers, as most pitchers are at The Ballpark, and Diaz played one sub-par season before moving on, while Hafner has become one of the most feared hitters in baseball. For what its worth, at least they ended up trading Diaz as part of a deal to acquire Chris Young.
On December 8, 2005, the Rangers traded Alfonso Soriano to the Washington Nationals for Brad Wilkerson, Armando Galarraga, and Terrmel Sledge. Soriano became the first player ever to hit 40 homeruns, 40 doubles, and steal 40 bases while leading the NL in outfield assists, while Wilkerson has struggled to keep his on-base percentage over .300.
On January 6, 2006, the Rangers traded Chris Young, Adrian Gonzalez, and Terrmel Sledge to the San Diego Padres for Adam Eaton, Akinori Otsuka, and Billy Killian. Eaton played 65 innings for the Rangers, and Otsuka has been a very good reliever, while Young and Gonzalez have become two of the bright young stars of the National League.
If the Rangers really wanted to increase their relevance and popularity in DFW, they'd dissolve the team, implode the stadium and use the land for a parking lot for Jerry World when it opens next year.
4 comments:
Methinks Tha Nutz is looking a bit too much like a pork chop.
The WNBA needs to put a team in Dallas called the Nutzzz.
Ya. That's the problem when you incorporate them in to alogo. You have to use the team colors and make them all uniform color, and theefore you lose the veiny appearance that so distinguishes the Nutz. I won't do it anymore.
I get Da Nutz.
Nah, just draw in some veins. Maybe some hairs.
This is my favorite conversation ever.
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