Shortest. Sunday Crap-O-Rama. Ever.

I'm too engrossed in the current issue of Gigantic Asses to do much of a write-up of this week's slate of NFL games -- games which, suffice it to say, do not exactly make me want to copulate with my television set.

Off we go.

Minnesota at Tennessee
Frerotte vs. Collins: awful game in 2003, game of the week in 2008?
Pick: Tennessee

Denver at Kansas City
Chiefs now plowing Larry Johnson into the line on every down even when trailing by three scores in the second half just to keep him from throwing a tantrum.
Pick: Denver -- shakiest 4-0 team of all time?

San Francisco at New Orleans
Final straw in the case against Matt Millen: Replacing Mike Martz with small-screen doppelganger Barry Bostwick.
Pick: New Orleans

Arizona at NY Jets
Brett Favre: Like Viagra for geriatric football broadcasters. If you experience priapism -- an erection lasting more than four hours -- the game must have gone into overtime.
Pick: Arizona

Green Bay at Tampa Bay
Favre already agitating for a trade to Tampa Bay so he can throw the ball 67 times a game despite early-onset dementia.
Pick: Tampa Bay

Atlanta at Carolina
The Falcons are the only team that has existed since at least the '80s that has no Hall of Famers. (TB and SEA have one each; JAX may get one soon in Tony Boselli and BAL will have its first in five years in Jon Ogden.) And unless you count Deion Sanders as a Falcon, the organization's first Hall of Famer probably hasn't even been born yet. That is legendary mediocrity, but thankfully absolutely no one gives a shit.
Pick: Carolina

Houston at Jacksonville
Fuck Hall of Famers for the Texans -- how about a goddamn home game?
Pick: Jacksonville

Cleveland at Cincinnati
If you combined these two teams, 1943 "Phil-Pitt Steagles"-style, would the resulting assemblage of talent even finish 7-9? I say no.
Pick: Cincinnati

(Note: the actual 1943 Phil-Pitt Steagles, which technically represent the 11th year of the Philadelphia Eagles franchise, went 5-4-1. It was the Eagles' first winning season. Ooof.)

San Diego at Oakland
Al Davis was just waiting for a home game so he could fire Lane Kiffin personally over the stadium's PA system.
Pick: San Diego

Buffalo at St. Louis
How imcomprehensibly bad are the Rams? I actually benched Ben Roethlisberger to start Trent Edwards at QB on one of my fantasy teams this week (not in the Rat Bastard League), and I'm fucking giddy about it.
Pick: Buffalo

Washington at Dallas
I'll be rooting mightily for Washington, but the Cowboys will remain in full-on juggernaut mode until at least week 10.
Pick: Dallas

Philadelphia at Chicago
This may be raw homerism, but I'm pretty confident the Eagles could win this game with nothing but their defense and punting unit. Prove me wrong, Kid Whiskey.
Pick: Philadelphia

Baltimore at Pittsburgh
I'm pretty bullish on this Baltimore team, but I recognize it may be because I haven't seen them play yet. So let's not start quoting Winston Wolf quite yet.
Pick: Pittsburgh

Last week: 9-7
Overall: 18-14

Last and most importantly, Mr. Pigeons, one of our official mascots here at T!!!, is back home from the vet and doing quite well. He's now actually become so adept at swallowing pills that he's able to accidentally ingest all sorts of small household objects that will almost certainly cause him to choke and bazooka-barf all over the carpet.

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