You don't have time to figure out all the VURPs and OOPS and GLUMPs of the baseball statistical set. But the constant cliches of the mainstream media just leave so much to be desired. You need something stupid and cliched, but with silly rules prepared by overly important boobs.
Don't you even sweat it, dudes and dudettes. Welcome to the only website where you can find Actual Baseball Analysis © in an easily digestible and convenient, yet fact-free format!
We here at Toooast are proud to present Previews of the Baseball Playoffs in poetic form! Today, the American League teams... in Haiku!
Angels
K-Rod Sets Record!!
[Bullpen phone rings] Jesus says:
“Stop pointing at me.”
Rays
No more Beast Master
Everyone born after “Tron”
Um, Na Ga Ha Pa
Red Sox
Cinderella to
World Champs, two times in four years
Now we all hate them
Twins
Former DC team
Gets new start in Twin Cities
Still hates Black people
White Sox
How good can you be
When your manager was caught
Raping monkeys? (Poop!)
Yankees
Greatest team ever
Aura, Mystique, Tradition
Did not make playoffs
Angels
K-Rod Sets Record!!
[Bullpen phone rings] Jesus says:
“Stop pointing at me.”
Rays
No more Beast Master
Everyone born after “Tron”
Um, Na Ga Ha Pa
Red Sox
Cinderella to
World Champs, two times in four years
Now we all hate them
Twins
Former DC team
Gets new start in Twin Cities
Still hates Black people
White Sox
How good can you be
When your manager was caught
Raping monkeys? (Poop!)
Yankees
Greatest team ever
Aura, Mystique, Tradition
Did not make playoffs
Tomorrow: I write an Traditional Epic Poem for each National League contender! Stay tuned!
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