The Brewers' Pants Are Filled with Poopy. Now Here's a Football Post.

HEYOOOOOO!! Fresh off a 9-7 showing in Week 2 -- which is downright fecund when you consider I cheated -- the man no one calls BMFS is back with an all-new* Sunday Crap-O-Rama! Time to premedicate with antiemetic agents, if you know what I mean.**

(*May include recycled jokes from 2004, featuring Jeff Garcia taking the place of Jeff Garcia and Brian Griese taking the place of Brian Griese.)

(**You don't. No one does. No one ever does. But you might barf.)

Before we get started, we ask that you make an itty-bitty offering to the Mojo Man or your bag of chicken bones or whatever, as our cat, Mr. Pigeons, is detained until Monday at the local veterinary clinic with a big plastic collar strapped over one end of him and a catheter sticking out the other end. We hope you'll be OK, Pidgie.

Now onto a slate of games that might have had some appeal before the regular season actually started, but now looks like a steaming platter of bat guano:

Kansas City at Atlanta
Well, OK, this game would have looked like a fart sandwich before the season started. Like Brett Favre, Herman Edwards makes a lot of dumb decisions and looks like he's having a regular ol' hootenanny making them.
Pick: Atlanta

Oakland at Buffalo
When Lane Kiffin refused to quit this offseason, Al Davis resorted to holding his breath until he turned blue. He still hasn't breathed. Or died.
Pick: Buffalo

Tampa Bay at Bears
Offenses in this game at DEFENSE/STs IN THIS GAME (-9.5)
Pick: Tampa Bay

Carolina at Minnesota
When Gus Frerotte is viewed as a solution, rather than something desperately requiring a solution, things are not good.
Pick: Carolina

Miami at New England
Patriots' illicit videotapes not actually destroyed by Roger Goodell; were awarded to Dolphins, who are 1-10 since receiving them.
Pick: New England

Cincinnati at New York They Killed Uncle Freddie Giants
PSLs at new Giants Stadium cost up to $10,000 per seat; licensing fee of $64 per game required to show up at Gate F and scream at girls to show their breasts.
Pick: New York My Ladies Don't Remember The '80s Giants

Houston at Tennessee
Time to finally admit it: Merril Hoge was right about Vince Young all along. It was Hoge who said Vince would cry a lot and be consumed with thoughts of suicide... right?
Pick: Tennessee

Arizona at Washington
When I look for flaws in the Cardinals, I still start with "they're the Cardinals." If they were someone else, I'm pretty sure they'd be good.
Jason Campbell is an inevitable Donovan McNabb injury away from being the best black QB on Earth.
Pick: Arizona

Detroit at San Francisco
How confident do you think Matt Millen is that his team will win this game? Like, is he 99% sure? 135% sure? Does he get the schedule and go through each game like, "That's a win, that's a win, that's a win... We're gonna be awesome this year!"?
Pick: San Francisco

St. Louis at Seattle
In order to lose to the Rams, it's going to take a performance the likes of which we see maybe once a season league-wide. In fact, I don't think it can be done without Herman Edwards' involvement.
Pick: Seattle

New Orleans at Denver
Broncos already declared the winner of this game. The result is not reviewable.
Pick: Denver

Pittsburgh at Philadelphia
Like the rest of Philadelphia, the Eagles seem mentally stuck in the '70s... which explains why they typically wilt against the Steelers.
Pick: Pittsburgh

Jacksonville at Indianapolis
New equimpent ordered by Jack Del Rio arrived at Jaguars camp this week: Blocking sleds shaped like gigantic BumperNutz.
Pick: Indianapolis

Cleveland at Baltimore
LOST:
Romeo Crennel's mind
Braylon Edwards' hands
Cleveland's will to live
Three football games
Pick: Baltimore

Dallas at Green Bay
Pacman Jones must have had a great game Monday, because I barely saw him on TV, meaning they weren't even throwing at him. He's gonna make it rain cheez curds this week. Bring tha muthafuckin' ruckus. I insist.
Pick: Dallas

Actual wagering note -- Load up on the Cowboys early, then bail later in the season. I'm starting to think it's systematic the way they wear themselves out and fade down the stretch each season.

New York Jets at San Diego
How much Favre hagiography can you take? Me, I'm gonna mute the TV, cue up Metal Machine Music, and set off the smoke detectors.
Pick: J-E-T-S-Jets-Jets-Jets

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