I've been out away from the 'scene' recently so I complete missed Redskins Tight End Chris Cooley exposing more than his tight end on his blog. Lets just call it my good fortune, similar to when you open a fortune cookie and there are two fortunes in it. (Assuming they both don't say "you die now.") This is another reason to love Curt Schilling. Not only does he go out of his way to insult Yankee fans at every available opportunity, but when you open his blog you never have to worry about man meat popping up.
OK, so Cooley likes to show off his junk online. Fine. Who doesn't, really?* The real problem comes when he starts publishing sections of the Redskins playbook. That could be considered, oh... how to put it? Stupid? No... Ah! Incredibly stupid! Giving away potential trade secrets, especially when the giving of those trade secrets could cause you or one of your close buds to get his block knocked off, doesn't strike me as anything overly wise.
Of course, Chris Cooley was a prisoner of war and spent seven years being repeatedly ass-raped by the French Underground. So that makes it all OK.
Next topic!
Just about every time Yankees catcher/check-casher/dumbo-impersonator Jorge Posada opens his yapper you can bet something dickish is going to come out. Take yesterday for example. During an interview with the Yankees-owned Yes Network (also known as, and I did not make this up, Al-Yankzeera), Posada started talking smack about the Red Sox and... Pedro Martinez? Yes, the former Red Sox pitcher who hasn't pitched for Boston in going on four years was the subject of Posada's mis-directed ire. From the horses anus:
I thought he was going to hit me in the head with a bat, after we had the fight and he pushed Don Zimmer. It was ridiculous. I mean, he throws at Karim Garcia because he's losing the game. I mean, there's no class.
The incident he's referring to took place in 2003, which if I do my math correctly, is 76 years ago. I'm not even going to defend Pedro here because the play happened so long ago I can't possibly fight through five years of Yuengling to recall exactly what went down. It certainly couldn't have, in any way shape or form, been the fault of poor (poop!) old Don Zimmer, a paragon of virtue and possessor of the world's Levelest Temper (as named so by 'Sure, Man. Whatever Magazine').
Shortly after the incident took place, Horatio Sanz played Don Zimmer on Saturday Night Live in a sketch called "The Don Zimmer Show." The 'show' consisted of Zimmer having guests who would sit down on the couch and chat. But in a matter of seconds they'd say something that Zimmer would perceive as a slight and he'd get up and, like he did to Pedro in '03, bull rush them. Again like Pedro, they'd simply redirect him onto the floor and he'd roll around for a minute, then get up and start crying because he was so embarrassed. I badly wanted to find a picture of this, but I couldn't, so I had to settle for Sanz doing Elton John, which is almost as funny.
*Who doesn't like to show off their dong online? Well, other than me, apparently Chris Cooley. Cooley somehow didn't know the picture was up on the blog and has summarily taken it down.**
**Every time the words "up" or "down" are written in relation to Chris Cooley's dingus I feel like I'm making some bad pun***, when I'm really not.
***I have a theory that a pun takes five minutes off your life. Go ahead, disprove it.
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