Yankees Grasp Of Logic Slightly Lacking

After losing the second in a row to Boston at home to almost eliminate themselves from the playoff chase, the New York Yankees had many things to say. Some of them didn't make much sense.

Take manager Joe Girardi. Please! (Ha! But seriously, folks...) As manager of the Yankees, Giradi should understand many many important things like, oh... to pull something out of thin air... holes.

Of course, understanding holes does you no good unless you understand how to climb out of them. But its not just holes and how to climb out of them. There is nuance, such as the difference between big holes and small holes. Girardi needs to understand the differences, like big holes are harder to climb out of than small holes.

For example, if your team has the record of 25, oh, lets say "DORKS" and 24... uh... "BLORKS"* and another team has 26 DORKS and 23 BLORKS, that isn't a big hole. Therefore, it is a small hole and it should be easier to climb out of.

On the other hand, if you are 25-24 (that's DORKS-BLORKS) and another team is 49-0, that there is a big hole. Your team is 24 BLORKS behind. Some would say that hole is too big to be climbed out of. Its a nearly unclimbable hole. Or, if you want to be finite about it, that hole is too deep to climb out of.

Hey, Joe, what is your opinion on holes?

Joe: “No hole is too deep to climb out of.”

Really? But what about if your team has 270 million BLORKS and... aww, never mind.

Lets move on to Johnny Damon. As many of you know, Damon is a scholarly man of letters. He understands things that most of us can't even pretend to. For instance, the Glurglump Principle.** As you didn't know, the Glurglump Principle states, 'People have the ability to do things that they don't have the ability to do.'

As a scholarly man of letters, Damon knows how to apply that principle to everyday life, like say, oh... a baseball team who is falling out of contention because their greatest rivals have come into their home stadium and kicked their asses to Mars.

So, Johnny, with the Yankees falling so far behind Boston, how are they going to be able to get back into the pennant race? (See if you can spot the Glurgumpitude!)

Damon: "The strengths are going to have to be everybody playing better than they’re capable of."

Did you see it? To most people that wouldn't make any sense. However, we know differently. Shhh!!

*Apologies to the ever great firejoemorgan.com.
**The Glurglump Principle was developed by Dr. Herman Dividicus Glurglump who experimented with the principle that bears his name by repeatedly throwing retarded children off a cliff to see if they would live. They didn't. And thus the Glurglump Principle was born!
***If you google "confused" the first hit you get is the picture above.