Matty's Baseball Notes: Now With More Gay!

*When the Twins and White Sox get together, well, as Mr. Mike says, if there are any old people in the room, push their wheelchairs closer to the TV and tell them to turn up their hearing aids, because this is going to be good. (Do you smell what Dwayne Johnson is cooking? Seriously, I think its ramen noodles.)

And whoo Nelly, it sure was good. First, Twins Manager Ron Gardenhire had a conniption on the field. Second, well... actually that was it. Ron Gardenhire's conniption. But it was a good one, featuring enough hat throwing, and red-faced screaming to incite a Minnesota crowd who's usual chief concern is not saying "yah" too much.

Following Gardenhire's wife-embarrassing example, the crowd begun to throw their hats onto the field. OF COURSE, this scared the living shit out of White Sox Manager and Complete Crazyperson Ozzie Guillen, who was already feeling threatened by Gardenhire's attempt to out-crazy him. Guillen ran onto the field, selflessly risking being hit by a flying 59/50 and, arms a-blaz'n, spazmodically directed his team to leave the field. Then, on the way back to the dugout, he got into a swearing match with a Minnesota fan and had to be restrained.

No, I did not make this up. For those of you scoring at home, the Twins won 7-4, but Guillen out-crazied Gardenhire 11-6.

*After finally talking his way out of Boston after seven and a half years of trying, Manny Ramirez made his debut in LA today with the Dodgers. Moments after his former team beat the A's in the bottom of the twelvth inning thanks to a triple from his replacement, Manny stood next to home plate for what must have been the most underwhelming standing/sitting/Well- I'm-on-my-way-to-the-bathroom-anyway-hey-look!-cheez-doodles! ovation of his career. Then he promptly grounded out to shortstop.

With Manny in the fold the Dodgers now have possibly the strangest collection of starting outfielders in the history of baseball. To Andruw Jones ($17M this year) and his .160 batting average, and Juan Pierre (8M) and his complete lack of anything resembling a useful baseball skill, add Manny's act. Then throw in a hint of Plaschke just for flavor and let simmer for about ten to twelve games. Mmmm!

*I'm taking a fact-finding mission to Burma for the next week, so no posts from me. I leave you in the capable yet negligent hands of snizza and bmfs. Heidy ho!!