If he played football, we'd ticket him for the Edmonton Eskimos' punt coverage team

Next stop for Adam Eaton: Trafficking rubber dogshit from Hong Kong.

Last week we covered the abysmal minor-league debut of the Phillies' 2007 free-agent sinkhole. Tuesday night, Eaton made his second start since his demotion to the minors, this time for the Double-A Reading Phillies.

(Obviously, Eaton's belly-flop in low A ball didn't merit a promotion, but the Phils are continuing with their plans to bounce Eaton around various levels of minor-league ball in order to keep him nearby for observation by the team's scouts.)

Here's the line on Eaton's start Tuesday for the R-Phils:

3.1 IP, 4 H, 7 R (6 ER), 2 BB, 1 HBP, 4 K, 2 HR

If you're scoring at home (or even if you're alone), that's a 16.20 ERA. In Double. Fucking. A. For a guy who is being lavished with more than $8M a year to pitch.*

*This implies pitching well. In the major leagues.

As much as I would like to unleash a frothing string of profanities, it can't really enhance the story told by the numbers. But think of the person in the sporting realm who is the absolute worst at his or her respctive job; names like Isiah Thomas and Matt Millen come to mind. At this point, Adam Eaton deserves a spot in that ninth concentric shovel-load of the eternal landfill.

And last, I will abide by my strict policy of blaming management rather than labor whenever possible, and emphasize that it's not Adam Eaton's fault that he's a miserable pitcher. It's Pat Gillick's fault for failing to recognize it.

In a sense, it's Gillick's responsibility to make sure I don't have to care what the likes of Adam Eaton are doing... by keeping guys like him off the Phils' payroll. Having to devote attention to this spectacular failure, in the words of the late D. Boon, ain't no picnic.

Postscriptum: Many thanks to Snizza for the real-time burial of this post.

.