We Interrupt the Baron Davis Analysis as I Bandage my Hand After Punching the Wall

So I'm just about to launch in to a lengthy poooast on the effects on the NBA of Boom Dizzle moving down the coooast to the LA Clippers, when I hear that Dallas Stars co-GM Brett Hull is about to jump on the radio to talk about THE SIGNING OF FUCKING SEAN AVERY DOUCHE BY THE DALLAS STARS. Thankfully I haven't eaten yet today or else I'd be cleaning vomit off my keyboard.

Well, it's official. The Dallas Stars are now the moooast hated team in the NHL. Brendan Morrow + Steve Ott + Sean Avery Douche = Public Enemy #1. They may as well change their logo in to a giant target. Or maybe the finger.

Plus, Avery Douche reportedly has signed a 4-year deal for $15.5 million, making him the 7th highest paid Star, where he will make significantly more than Mike Modano, the face of Dallas hockey. Embarassing. Not to mention that the Stars are now right up against the cap. Hull himself just said, "We're done, free agent-wise." On the same day that the hated Red Wings just signed Marian Hossa. Well, at least Dallas will out-PIM the Wings when they play next year.

According to Hull, the Stars needed more "grit." So now they're paying a guy douche $3.9 million a year who scored 33 points, missed 25 games but still managed to rack up a whopping 154 penalty minutes. Hell, Niklas Hagman, to whom the Stars wouldn't even pay $3 million a year, had 27 goals, was a strong penalty killer, only racked up 51 PIM and played all 82 games last season.

However, listening to Hull spin it on the radio, he's talking me in to it a little (could be my Stars-colored glasses), as he thinks that the character and energy that Avery Douche brings to a team are immeasurable, and enforcing that with the classic "every one of his Ranger teammates loves him and hates to see him go" line. Hull himself was pretty much of a wild card while he played, and that, combined with his previous relationship with Avery Douche, make the signing a fairly obvious move.

I absolutely hated when the Stars signed Matthew Barnaby a few years ago, as I thought he was the biggest waste of a jersey in the league. Seeing him close-up for a season though softened me on him quite a bit. Hopefully the same thing will happen with this signing. If nothing else, the main Neiman Marcus downtown now has a new show pony douche.

In related Dallas sports news, the Mavericks, who were expected to sign DaSagana Diop, Marquis Daniels, Keith Van Horn, Pavel Podkolzin and the rest of the 2006 NBA Finals-losing roster ("We're getting the band back together!", settled for eventual D-League flame-out Gerald Green. Big fucking deal.