In today's Chicago Sun-Times, Rick Telander writes a piece that calls for Mark Cuban to go ahead and buy the hallowed Cubs, along with Wrigley Field, a combination that exceeds all human comprehension in terms of value, as Telander seems to think.
"This is buying Mt. Rushmore, Disneyland, the Eiffel Tower (if you're French).
This is buying into a phenomenon that makes the Yankees' magic and the Red Sox' mojo look like parlor tricks."
He goes on to say that he prefers that "Cubes" be the one to become the new Northside Majordomo:
"That's why, among the trio of suitors at the top of the list, Mark Cuban likely should be taken most seriously.
Cuban is a lone wolf, a rebel like a much younger Zell who answers to no one but his ego and his sense of fun and his wallet (which is fat)."
"True, Cuban owns the Dallas Mavericks. Yawn.
The Mavericks, who've won nothing and resonate globally about as much as the Lansing Lugnuts, are to the Cubs as Tinkerbell is to Godzilla."
Hey Rick, need I remind you that your wondrous Cubs haven't won ANYTHING in 100 YEARS!
Telander: "Mark, I really would love for you to buy the Cubs. I think your ingenuity and passion would really push them over the top. The city would love you forever."
Cuban: "Thanks. I hope it works out."
Telander: "I mean, that other team you own - what are they called again, the Gunfighters or something - they're pretty much irrelevant compared to THE CUBS. Don't you think? I mean, the fans down there probably put ketchup on their hot dogs. Ugh, what heathens."
Cuban: "I hope I do get the Cubs, so I can ban your superannuated, sausage infested ass from Wrigley. Douchebag."
In one line, Telander insulted my favorite basketball team* and a team from my city of birth. Not quite deserving of the Nutz, but pretty close.
Aw fuck it. HegetzdaNutz. In a beautiful Cubs-blue hue.
*I fucking know they haven't won a championship and they've wet the bed magnificently the past 2 years in the playoffs, but they've won 50 games for 8 straight years, one less than the mighty Spurs.
3 comments:
This is a compliment. Everyone around here knows the Lugnutz are IT. Being compared to them, Dallas should be grateful.
Lets go LUG-Nuts, clap, clap, clap-clap-clap!!!
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