WIP Sucks Or, My Top Ten Football Helmets Of All Time

Its the middle of summer today in Philadelphia (high of 97 degrees today - but don't worry, that will be off-set by oppressive humidity), and the local sports radio station is talking Eagles football. I guess you could fault them for that. Despite not winning a championship yet this year, the Philadelphia sports teams are doing pretty well. Against all odds the Sixers made the playoffs, the Flyers made the conference finals, and the Phillies are in first place in the NL East. Thats pretty good.

Still, its football season all year round here in Philly, so I wasn't surprised to turn the radio on this morning and hear them talking football. Of course, there is nothing substantive to say about the up coming football season on June 7th, so instead of talking about the Flyers off season, the first place Phils, or God forbid, a team that doesn't play in Philadelphia (there are, apparently, a lot of them), the hosts on WIP were talking about.....

[drum roll!]

...the best football helmets of all time.

I swear to God thats what they were talking about.

And you'll never guess which team they think has the best, and I'll only give you one guess. So aside from these goombahs, why not play along? Who does have the best helmet of all time? Short answer: I don't know.

Longer answer: I made a list of the Top 10 best of all time. For fun and because if I go outside today I'll instantly vaporize, I also made a list of the 5 Worst, and then I threw in one more just for good measure. Enjoy!

The Ten Best

10. NY Giants (1980d & 90s)







This Giants helmet, the helmet of Lawrence Taylor, Phil Sims, and possibly some other guys, is the logo of the team that I grew up watching dominate my Redskins. To me (and this is my list) this is the iconic Giants helmet. Its simple (a good thing) and incorporates all the team colors without being garish. I hate them, but good helmet

9. Washington Redskins (late 1960’s)







Putting aside the politically incorrect anti-Native American thing, the design for this helmet is pretty awesome. I'm sorry the Redskins don't use it, actually, as its arguably better than what the wear now. The simpleness of the design with the unusual colors combine to make a great helmet.

8. KC Chiefs (Current)







Did you know this team used to be called the Houston Texans way back in the day? Yeah, I didn't either. They changed their uniforms when they moved to KC and this is what they came up with. Simple, not even a stripe (much like the Skins helmet above), and I'm a sucker for interlocking letters (other than these, of course). Me likee.

7. New Orleans Saints (Current)







By far this is the best expansion era helmet. The Saints used the gold color which no other NFL teams used before or, really, since, and have made it their own. Also the saints iconic fleur-de-lis is original and fits perfectly with the history of the city from which they come. Good show, I say.*

6. Detroit Lions (1950s)







This shouldn't work, but it does. I wouldn't have even picked it if I hadn't seen it on the field. Theres something about the non-design design, kinda like Notre Dame's helmets, which just works. And when combined with the dark blue jerseys, well, as the kids say, dats da bomb, bitch.

5. Oakland Raiders (Current)







Long before the Ravens tried to imitate it (and arguably succeeded a bit too well) this was the scary I'm-going-to-rip-your-face-off-and-shit-into-your-eye-holes helmet. And really, isn't that what football is all about?

4. Indianapolis Colts (Current)







Not hard core like the Raiders, but historic in a simple style that has lasted since the team came over from Baltimore. I heard that the Colts horseshoe used to be oriented up-side-down from how it is now, but they rotated it and then won a championship. I'd love to see other teams try that.

3. Chicago Bears (Current)







I'm going to ignore that this is a blatant rip-off of the Cincinnati Reds logo and just take it in the context of how it is presented. This actually reminds me a bit of the Boston Red Sox logo which could subconsciously be why I like it so much. Its a similar font (I think - BMFS: set me straight on this) and its shown against a dark blue background, so it stands out that much better. Also, the '85 Bears were into some serious bad-assery.

2. Dallas Cowboys (Current)







Yes, I f'n hate this team. But, like these a-holes, I can look past that (sorta) and say that they have a very iconic logo going on. Silver and blue aren't the most original colors (I think the Lions had them first), but the boys from Dallas have co-opted them and made them their own. The star is, again, a very simple logo, but again (again), thats a good thing. It works. Really well. F them though.

1. Pittsburgh Steelers (Current)







The a-symmetry of the helmet (logo on one side only) helps this stand out, but even without that this is a great logo. Taken from the city in which the team plays, often called the Steel City (not, as some may think, the "Steal City") the helmet is at once menacing, simple, and original. I think this is as good as it gets, NFL helmet-wise.

Five Worst

5. Arizona Cardinals (Current)







There is a difference between simple and boring. This is decidedly the latter, even with history on its side as the longest standing unchanged logo in the NFL. The Cardinal isn't menacing, or even normal looking. Its just cartoonishly silly, and there is nothing else on the helmet to off-set it. Cartoonish silly dumb looking bird + entirely white helmet = extra lame.

4. Buffalo Bills (Current)







In contrast to the Cardinals, this helmet has too much going on. The logo is huge and takes up pretty much the entire side of the helmet. Same goes for the stripe, which has like 80 different layers to it. Actually, it looks like at least 7 different colors make up the stripe, which is somewhere around 4 too many. Also, and maybe most importantly, whats going on with that Buffalo? It looks like its doing one of two things: 1) leaping forward with such speed that its generating cartoonish lines to denote its velocity, or 2) its lying dead on the ground with a spear in its head. If its the first, its just stupid. If its the second, it looks stupid and its the only logo showing the team mascot devoid of life. But either way its stupid.

3. Cleveland Browns (Current)











Again, we're back to boring helmets, and the Browns take the cake when it comes to that. No logo at all to set off the barfy orangish helmet. At least they have a stripe, but theres really not much to write home about here. You know how on NFL highlight shows they show the score on the screen they put both team's logos up there with their respective scores? I've always found it amusing that when that happens the Browns 'logo' is shown as an orange-ish blob. Barf-a-licious.

2. Dallas Cowboys (1976)







Remember all that iconic bullshit I was spouting about the Cowboys helmet above? Well, for some reason, in 1976, the Cowboys decided they needed to ruin it and put a red stripe on their helmet. This is in spite of the fact that red isn't one of their team colors! Wha-wha-whaaaaat? Its almost like if the Yankees put a yellow button on the top of their ball caps. Where the hell did that come from? To their credit though, they yanked it after one year. Still, eternally lame, says me.

1. Early 1960’s Denver Broncos







This is the epitome of terrible helmets. I defy anyone to come up with one worse than this. First of all, the orange color is Browns-esque in its awfulness. But most importantly, what in the hell kind of logo is that? Its like something a second grader would draw. Actually, strike that, I've seen better drawings from second graders. And what is it doing? It looks like its falling backwards from a strong wind. Always remember the first rule of Buffalo Bills Logo Drawing: Its always better to draw your mascot falling down, or, in fact, dead. What do you have to say about this helmet, Cassius?
Clay: This helmet... is the lamest... of all time!

Most Polarizing

1. Washington Redskins (Current)







I know people who think this is the worst helmet in the NFL. I don't see that. In fact, I like it, but then I'm slightly biased, as this is the team and the team's helmet that I grew up rooting for. There are, presumably non-Redskins fans who don't think this helmet is terrible - I've even met some of them. But mostly, non-Redskins fans seem to hate this helmet, whereas Redskins fans seem to really like it. The stately Native American logo is, I think, kinda classy as far as racist logos go, and I do like the feather hanging off the back there. There are probably too many colored stripes on the helmet, but that doesn't bother me here.

I think I'm just too biased to see any awfulness.

*Yes, I know thats a British comment on a French symbol.