***
Surprise! Ovechkin Wins Norris! (MVP For You Non-Hockey Fans.)
Despite letting the cat out of the proverbial bag about a week ago (you gotta love the NHL store's Hockey Hints© series), last night officially confirmed that Capitals star winger Alex Ovechkin was the Norris Trophy winner. In a result that had all the suspense of the fight for the democratic nomination, Ovechkin beat out Flames star Jarome Iginla and Penguins deep sea diver Sidney Crosby for the award.
Ovechkin was suitably excited by the proceedings, at one point saying that he was very nervous. After a few minutes he did manage to get his sea legs about him, and went on to say that "next year Crosby be go'n down like a five dolla ho."
Ovechkin wore a red tie and vest, which you can see in the above photograph (thanks Washington Post!). This is the first time I can remember seeing a Washington sports star dress in team colors since Deion Sanders joined the Redskins, ushering in the DSA or Deion Sanders Age (DSA). Not coincidentally, that age is also known, by the way, as the AWFTFTEITHORTRFARPMMPIHOM or Age Where For The First Time Ever In The History Of Recorded Time Rooting For A Redskins Player Made Matty Puke In His Own Mouth.
Sanders, who was fawned over by then-writer Tony "T.K. Stack Money!" Kornheiser like a six year old girl cradling a baby bunny, wore a burgundy suit with a gold tie to his first Redskins press conference. This would turn out to be the most notable thing he would do as a Redskin.
***
If A Letter Arrives And Nobody Replies, Was It Ever Sent?
A few months ago former Baltimore Oriole team MVP and admitted HGH user Jay Gibbons, shown above doing what he does best, sent a letter to 29 major league teams asking for a minor league contract to prove he can still play. Oddly enough, I recently sent letters to all major league teams asking for a minor league contract as well. Making the whole thing even stranger, I signed my name "former Baltimore Oriole team MVP and admitted HGH user Jay Gibbons." A rethinking of my strategy may be in order.
Much like myself, Gibbons, who is still to receive roughly $20M from Orioles owner/franchise murderer Peter Angelos, received no replies to his most generous offer. Why do I bring this up? Because, according to Deadspin.com Gibbons has finally received an offer to play. Hmmm... you say. The Orioles want him back? Nope. The Blue Jays want to see if he can add some power to their overly-gritty lineup. Nope, wrong again. Gibbons will be joining the...
[snizza drum roll please...]
Camden Riversharks!! Well, maybe not them specifically, but he'll be playing in the independent Atlantic League. Having attended a single game in Camden a few weeks ago, I consider myself an expert on that league. In that vein, I would like to offer some notes of advise and caution to Gibbons on the following if he does end up playing in Camden:
- Avoid investing in local real estate
- Bring ear plugs to renditions of the National Anthem
- Make sure you don't get traded by a six year old
- Watch out for Mr. Trash
7 comments:
Wait a minute! What the hell is a River Shark? Sharks live in salt water! Come on expert, give me the answer!
Also, since you are the minor league baseball expert, I want a list of the Top Ten Goofiest Promotions Done By Minor League Teams. Having a 6-year old GM for the day is right up there.
What the hell is The Greaseman? He likes the word "Topicality" too.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/River_shark
The Norris is the award for the best defenseman; it's the Hart trophy that Ovechkin won as the league MVP.
Now you're not allowed to write about hockey either.
Also, it was Evgeni Malkin, not Sidney Crosby, who was nominated for the Hart trophy. Crosby missed about a month and a half with an ankle injury this season.
Just stick to the Red Sox, feeb.
BMFS = Toooast Ombudsman.
(and I effed up a while back and wrote Norris when I meany Vezina. The Editor got me too. I also incorrectly used "eschew" and was promptly sent to my room.)
The Malkin/Crosby thing was a mistake. The Norris/Hart was a joke. I guess if you make too many mistakes you look too stupid for the humor to be effective, eh? Oh well...
Post a Comment