Chipper Jones Presented "Can't Win For Losing" Award, Cuts Hand on Trophy

Much I dislike him -- being a Phillies fan and all -- Larry Wayne Jones, Jr., is a true marvel of modern ballplayin'. At a rickety age 36, Jones is hitting over .400 including near-even switch-hitting splits, and he recently hit his 400th home run. But his body is breaking down at an alarming rate, and in a truly tragicomic chain of events.

Now this: Jones just sustained a facial injury in batting practice in Anaheim when he was hit in the eye with a ball... off his own bat. Apparently he fouled a ball straight up, off the underside of the front lip of the batting cage, and straight back down into his face.

I am still seeking confirmation that he staggered out of the batting cage and promptly stepped into a bear trap that someone had discarded near the on-deck circle.*

What's next for this guy -- a violent collision with Fred Lynn at an autograph show? Some sort of incident with Fred Taylor's groin? Fallen on and crushed by David Wells?

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Update -- Ryan Howard just hit a three-run bomb that landed someplace near Belleville, Illinois. Sixth inning: Phillies 17, Cardinals 1. Aaand the boos rain down from the denizens of Baseball Heaven... Gee, I thought they only did that sort of thing in big, mean Philly.

God damn, I hate the Cardinals.

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*Then got wet paint on his jacket, ran head-first into a wedding cake, put his hand on a hot stove, and fell over the railing into the harbor a la Officer Nordberg.

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