Julio Franco announced his retirement from baseball today. Over seventy-five years after breaking into the big leagues with Connie Mack's Philadelphia Athletics, Franco hit .278 in over 86,000 professional at-bats.Known as "Oldy", "Geriatric Julio", and "The Reanimated Corpse" in and around baseball, Franco played for 21 teams over 75 years, including teams in the Mexican League, the Italian League, the Negro league, and the Bundeslege.
Towards the end, a myriad of hip and obscure bowel injuries made it difficult for Franco to play without the aid of his trusty walker 'Willy the Walker' and his trusted colostomy bag, Mr. Bag-of-Shit. Mr. Bag-of-Shit made it especially difficult for Franco to make it around the bases.
The end for Franco came when he shat his pants while sliding into home on a close play at the plate in last year's playoffs. Franco, shown at left enjoying a cigarette in an undated photograph, went unsigned this year, and saw the writing on the wall. He will now devote his time to his other hobbies, like phosphorus, carbon paper, and phonographs.
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