So you're a NFL player. You get popped for numerous criminal acts. You make it rain on a nightly basis. Your team finally tires of getting the 4 am wake up calls to bail your ass out of jail and says, "So long dipshit. We don't need your clown ass around here anymore."
What do you do?
Call Al Davis? Nah. That's so last year.
You call Michael Irvin! He's got a daily radio show in Dallas, at least for a little while longer, where he spews his teary tales of reformation to the Cowboy lemmings who wipe their eyes with Playmaker hankies. Bingo. Instant rumor mill.
Pacman Jones did this a few weeks ago and now there's a daily "When are the Cowboys going to get Pacman?" discussion. "I mean, it's not like he killed anybody or anything, and he can return punts too!"
Now we hear that Chris Henry has made The Come to Michael Call. "Fo' sho' Chris. I got Jerry's ear. I'll get you on up in here in no time."
They already have Tank Johnson. Man, I pray that the Cowboys get Pacman, Henry, and any other cat who recently got released from the joint.
Ladies and gents, I give you the 2008 Cowboys:
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-srv/sports/nfl/longterm/2006/nfl_chart_12162006.html
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While they're at it maybe they can get Marvin Lewis to play the lovable coach.
Player: "I done got arrested again, Coach"
Lewis: (ruffles players hair) "Aww, thats OK. What'd you do this time?"
Player: Aggravated assault with a concrete dildo.
Lewis: (ruffles players hair) "Aww, thats OK. (Cue theme song from "Diff'rent Strokes")
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