If half-assery could fly, this post would be an airport

Had to go on record with these before the first puck-drop. Have fun, poolies!

East
1. Montreal
8. Boston
The Habs might try to slack off for one game and clinch it at home, but I don't think they could lose to this skeleton crew if they tried.
Montreal in 4

2. Pittsburgh
7. Ottawa
The Hockey Gods are not angry with the Pens for tanking game 82; they're angry at the Sens for their execrable effort in the last two thirds of the season, and they're punishing them with a matchup with Crosby & Co. so national TV viewers in the States can see what needledicks the Sens are.
Pittsburgh in 4

3. Washington
6. Philadelphia
The entire panel on TSN picked Washington. Well, I've seen these two teams play more games this season than those four hosers combined. Their insight will come in really handy the next time the Maple Leafs make the playoffs in 2013.
Philadelphia in 6

4. New Jersey
5. NY Rangers
Ah, when these two teams face off, you can throw out the recordbooks. Seriously. Throw 'em out. No one's going to score.
NY Rangers in 6

West
1. Detroit
8. Nashville
Question for NHL fans: Can you name three Predators?
Question for Jordin Tootoo: Are you aware there's a puck on the ice?
Detroit in 5

2. San Jose
7. Calgary
We'll find out quickly if this is really "The Year" for San Jose -- a schizophrenic, high-ceiling team that matches up well against them is not an easy first-round matchup.
[/actual analysis]
Mike Keenan's true legacy in pro hockey: J.R.'s prop cast.
San Jose in 6

3. Minnesota
6. Colorado
Let me know who's won this series when it's over. And don't forget to tell me how Forsberg got hurt. (Early favorite: Banged knees with Gaborik.)
Minnesota in 7

4. Anaheim
5. Dallas
Don't ask me how the Stars (aka, the Mavericks On Ice) went from legit Cup contenders to a heap of flosam in a single month -- I went to the games and I still can't figure it out. About 2 weeks ago I started referring to Dave Tippett as "2009 LA Kings head coach Dave Tippett."
Anaheim in 5