Flyers Lose Game, Testicle

How hard are Mike Green's shots? They'll blow your balls off, man.

Poor poor Patrick Thoresen made the penultimate sacrifice during the third period last night at the Phone Booth in DC. The Flyers were clinging to a 4-3 lead and the Caps were putting some pressure on the Flyers net. Caps defenseman Mike Green took a slapshot from the point and Thoresen dropped to the ice to block it.

And block it he did. Unfortunately he blocked it with his nuts. The same things which hang from Ottawa Sun columnist Don Brennan's chin.

It doesn't sound like Thoresen'll be playing hockey or having children anytime soon. According to the Philadelphia Inquirer's Phil Sheridan, "General manager Paul Holmgren grimly told reporters after the game that Thoresen may lose a testicle." How does that even come up? Do reporters instinctively know to ask about that as a matter of course?

Reporter: Tough loss, Paul. Anyone lose a testicle?

I'd bet it would go more like this?

Reporter: Tough loss, Paul.
GM: Yeah. Fortunately hes got one more.
Reporter: Huh? One more?
GM: You know. Testicle.
Reporter: One more testicle?
GM: Yeah.
Reporter: You mean he's going to lose a... *gulp* testicle?
GM: Yes.
Reporter [pukes]

The strange thing, aside from the injury, was that Green's shot ricocheted off Thoresen's nuts and back to the Capitals, who were on the power play at the time. So, while Thoresen lay on the ice trying to mute the indescribable pain by curling up into a ball, the Caps effectively had a 5-on-3 power play. Green then took another shot and Thoresen's balls didn't get in the way of this one. The puck only stopped by hitting the back of the net. Tie game.